it was sunday, what a black day

Nobody ever really came around the healer’s den. Rosemary had been stocking his stores, but with no injuries, he had started to overstock. The blind had stopped, realizing that at this rate he was gathering way more than he needed. Back home, with everyone visiting his pack to heal, from packmates to outsiders and other packs. They had always been busy, active, at work.

Rosemary sighed.

Elkshire was nice enough for him, but it didn’t fill in the apparent hole in his heart for his homeland. He had never thought that he would ever miss his home, his family, but his emotions had thought otherwise. The healer got up from his spot in his den, heading over to the remains of a rabbit he had been eating earlier. By the heat on his back, it was probably mid-afternoon by now. He had been trying to stay busy but eventually, there was nothing to be busy about.

the staff team luvs u

 How annoying.

 While Meissa had been out and about traversing the border, she had made an unfortunate fall down an unforeseen hill into a thistle bush. The sharp needles of the plant had done good work clinging to her pelt and biting into her flesh at each chance. There were, unfortunately, some thistles in places she could not easily reach so she had to pause every few steps to try to reach around to grab at them. Unfortunately, none of it had worked.

 She was still all thistled up and in some places, slightly bleeding.

 With a growl of irritation, she flopped on the ground and began rolling, hoping the dirt would pull free some of the thorns. “Damn thistles!” she snarled as she thrashed upon the ground, totally ignorant of the red-furred wolf on the other side of the clearing. Though, honestly, if she had noticed the stranger, it was most likely they would never have noticed her, as she would have been much more silent in her discomfort and, as you know, the other wolf was openly blind.

the staff team luvs u

Obviously, Rosemary’s eyes didn’t work; he didn’t see shit of the woman in front of him rolling around on the ground. But his ears and nose were just fine, if not better than a sighted wolf’s. His blind gaze looked towards Meissa, hearing her roll on the ground, grunting out something about thistles. He knew that she was there, in the clearing around his den, making up a fuss.

Rosemary would stay silent for a few moments, honestly to let the embarrassment sink in whenever he would make his presence known. Meanwhile, he was, unknowingly, remembering her scent. It was familiar, as a pack member, but not exactly someone he personally knew. He’d give her a few more moments of rolling, and then would speak. “I take it you have some thistles stuck in your fur.” His voice was a bit louder than normal speaking, just to get her attention.

It was almost a display as he scented the area, blind eyes narrowing. “And they have dug into your skin.” With a sigh, he approached her. It wasn’t that he was being unfriendly, he was just sort of an asshole. In fact, this could be considered friendly for him. But if she had stopped rolling, he would start to softly nose at her fur, trying to find the thistles. This would be an easy fix. Never would he admit to actually being happy to help someone, though.

the staff team luvs u

 When he finally deemed to let his presence be known, Meissa groaned and sat up, lifting a lip in irritation at her situation as well as embarrassment. She looked at him and realized that despite his descriptor of what had happened, the way he was looking in her direction, as if he were looking through her instead of at her...

 Ah, he was blind.

 She simply sat and waited as he wandered over, responding only with a, “Guess you could say that,” before trying to reach back and gnaw at those that were still nestled in her fur out of reach. After a moment, she gave up, though she didn't bother rising to her paws as the far shorter wolf trotted over. She eyed him silently as he came right into her bubble and began nosing about her fur without even asking if she needed or wanted the help.

 She recalled seeing him at the meeting, then, and understood. “Thanks.” Had she been in a better mood and not in pain, she would have likely been more accommodating, but the man's attitude had been yet another thistle in her side. “Must have brushed up against a bush.”

the staff team luvs u

Rosemary could sense the irritation from Meissa, or at least assumed it, with how he had let her roll around awkwardly before he made himself known. He wouldn’t smile, but in his mind, there was a small chuckle. It was hard to imagine what a wolf rolling around looked like when he had literally never seen anything, but he imagined it must be somewhat amusing considering how everyone reacted.

She seemed to get a clear sight of him, and an instant understanding of his “condition”. Rosemary was able to easily walk up to her because she stayed still, although he, for a small moment, heard the small draw of teeth on teeth and small brushes of nails in the ground - she was probably trying to get the thistles on her own one last time. But he suspected it didn’t work, as she then sat still once again.

With a nod of his head, he accepted the thanks from the fighter, and found a thistle. After all that rolling around, it had twisted well into her fur. “Do not complain.” It was an order, as he tugged the thistle out, and he could taste a good, small, chunk of fur coming with it. If she didn’t exactly pull away, or at least settled back down, he would go after more thistles, while pausing sometimes to smell where they had drawn blood.

the staff team luvs u

 The blind man busied himself with trying to get the thistles out of her coat and she sighed, resigned to her fate. She frowned as he gave her an order and bit back a growl as he pulled, ripping some of her fur and what felt like (but probably wasn't) flesh out. Her teeth caught her tongue and held it, irritated with herself for not checking if there were thistles before going and walking through the fields.

 She didn't feel like she had to do that, check for thistles everywhere she went. Back home, she'd never had to. There just weren't thistles there, in the desert! Cacti, sure, but those were usually easier to spot from a distance in the sand, at least if they were big enough. Sometimes, though, she'd accidentally step on one and have to dig the tiny needles out with her teeth.

 Having already thanked him, she sat silently, glowering at the ground as he worked on her wounds. Finally, she sighed. “So. You uh, one of the royal family?” Deer whine or whatever they were called, she thought sullenly though she knew perfectly well how to pronounce it. After all, she had to be careful not to offend the wrong wolves, being only half a wolf to half the population due to her coat.

 She supposed Rosemary wouldn't even know, unless somehow white fur had some sort of distinct odor. Or someone had told him.

the staff team luvs u

As much of an asshole he was, he enjoyed his job. He truly wanted to give everyone the best he could. But Rosemary also was never given the chance to have more emotions than being serious, so he kept anything fun or even nice hidden deep inside himself. Part of him felt bad for being so eager to give too much of a tug of fur, but also...he was blind. As much as he tried to feel in his mouth how much fur he was gripping, it wasn’t always easy to tell.

The woman asked if Rosemary was a part of the family, and he gave a little snort. He was a thing far from royalty; he had been raised to see himself as a tool, only used for knowledge. No one was supposed to think of him as a person, really. “No, I am not.” Maybe he looked similar to the royals, he sure as shit didn’t know. But the idea struck some kind of fancy, though he would never let it show.

“From how you ask, I take it you are not, either.” With that, he felt he had gotten all the thistles out, but he still nosed around just in case, while gently lapping at the small scratches. “Just be more careful, keep the wounds clean. They are not likely to get infected but come back to me if they smell weird.” There was a different tone between when he spoke casually, and when he spoke about medical orders.

the staff team luvs u

 Meissa gave a noise of acceptance at his statement - so he wasn't related to them. She wondered how he had come across the pack, how they had decided to take him in despite his disability. There were many times when wolves might shun others for being able to hear or see or talk. How ironic, that the pack who hated those with white fur were so welcoming to a wolf who had a situation that might actually make it harder? It was not meant to be ableist, but Meissa could not help but see the irony in the places where the pack decided to be accepting.

 Irony and disgust.

 Not that they welcomed him but that they despised those with white.

 Did Rosemary even know? If he was not kin, he likely was not raised in it. Did he know she bore white upon her back? Did he know he did not? Had anyone told him? She shook her head and realized herself, speaking, “No, I joined upon coming across Celnes in the northern territory. As new to this place as anyone, I suppose, though without the family ties some seem to have.” She wondered if any of her kin were out there, waiting for her to find them. Her father? If this place was something beyond death... her mother?

 “Thank you, I will.” she said, turning to lap at the sore spots she could reach. She looked at him, fellow outsider among a family unit. “How are you liking the place? Found any ladies or men who caught your - er - ear?” A pitiful attempt at small talk, but she couldn't help it. She felt compelled to try to be friendly to the man, no matter how much of a jerk he seemed to be. They were both outsiders, newcomers to this place, after all.

 Outsiders had to stick together.

the staff team luvs u

Rosemary thought when he had first met Celnes. It was short, formal. In his mind, he knew that there were other options in this world for packs, but he had just woken up here and accepted a job. All he wanted to do was heal like his family had been doing for generations. There was nothing wrong with staying on the path set for you if you enjoyed the path. But he didn’t know about his path here, at least not yet.

Meissa asked about his interest in others and tried not to be offensive. He’s let her stew in the awkwardness of her statement for a few heartbeats. “Men.” He stated in a monotone voice. He preferred men, but he also was very much an independent wolf, who saw being with someone as a bonus in life, not a necessity. If he never found someone, he would be okay with that.

“You must have someone on your mind to ask that.” Rosemary actually gave a little smirk, knowing he was poking into weird territory. There wasn’t any familiarity for him when talking about romance, but he knew it could make her squirm, and he was enjoying that. And despite how socially distant he was, he did like to know pieces of gossip as well. It was usually easier when he had patients in and out, speaking all they wanted. But this would do.

the staff team luvs u

 She grinned at that, tail thumping along the ground. “I'm glad to hear I'm not the only wolf interested in their own ah - gender,” she said with a little laugh, “Though not exclusively.” She had eyes that roamed over both men and women - just happened that in this particular moment, her eyes rested squarely on a very goofy young man. She wondered how many men there were in the pack who might find interest in Rosemary - then she had a sour thought.

 His relationship with any men in the pack would be gay, no matter if any of them pursued it with a misconception of the man.

 For despite him not saying it aloud, there was something about him that had been markedly male. Perhaps she was just more acutely aware of it, from past experiences and her own proclivity for the not-quite-normal. She shook these thoughts aside with a final thought that she hoped he never have to worry about that sort of thing.

 “A crush, perhaps...” she said with a chuckle, fidgeting her paws. “Though, unfortunately, that's where it usually ends with me. It's rarely mutual and even when it is, it never seems to -” There was a note of sadness in her voice. Perhaps more than a note, but nevertheless, she gave a little cough. “Anyways, I usually just put my focus into my job instead of that sort of stuff.” Despite that, the gossip was fun, especially when it involved getting to know your peers.

the staff team luvs u

Rosemary hadn’t thought about the sexualities of his packmates - he kind of assumed everyone was queer in some way. He rarely found himself in the presence of many straight, cisgender creatures. Maybe Meissa knew more about the others because she seemed a bit relieved that he wasn’t straight. But instead, he shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to think it much of a big deal.

With Meissa sharing about her crush and how they usually ended, Rosemary held his breath for a few heartbeats. It wasn’t like him to make much small talk, but he was starting to feel at ease. He released his breath in a loud sigh. “Likewise - work tends to be all I do. No time for romances.” It was a fun idea to imagine someone coming home to, to have a little family or something.

But he had not even tried for it, not put in any effort. “Perhaps this one will be different.” He didn’t know why he was encouraging her, but maybe she needed the boost as well. The wolves here seemed loyal enough. They knew where they stood with others and barely budged on that. Maybe he even had some hope, but he knew he was in a different pool than Meissa.

the staff team luvs u

 The truth was, Meissa didn't know much about most of the pack. Some of them set off such enormously heterosexual vibes that she would have been shocked to know any differently of them. Others, well, she would have to observe more closely, perhaps befriend, before making any such judgements. @Remus, for example, seemed so absolutely straight she could bounce a rock off of him.

 But who knew! Perhaps he just hadn't met the right guy.

 She gave a sad little grin, though she could tell the man before her couldn't see it. Despite never saying he was blind out right, true blindness was obvious, at least she thought so. Even those whose eyes avoided meeting others' did not appear as glassily casual in their avoidance.

 “It's all too possible his interests don't lie in women,” she said, half as an encouragement to him and half as despondence to herself. It would be just her luck that the one guy who caught her eye here was just super friendly, “If that's the case, I'll send him your way. You wouldn't know it, but he's a looker.” Then she blushed, scratching at the ground in embarrassment at her vocal assessment. Until now, she had said nothing of her attentions towards the man.

 It felt somewhat freeing to talk about him out loud, but then she glanced around - what if he showed up and heard? That would be so embarrassing! She really was acting like a high school girl, wasn't she? “But perhaps, we'll see.” She gave a harsh laugh then: “If I ever get the guts to make a move.” She wouldn't be the one to, far too caught up in her own thoughts, her own insecurities.

 For who would like her, the black sheep?

 ...If not for another black sheep.

the staff team luvs u

Rosemary had been very, very lucky in his upbringing. When he said he was a man, his family easily accepted it and were willing to do anything he wanted - change pronouns, names, and such. But he had been okay with where he was, and his family and pack were easy at accepting him. They had a zero-tolerance for certain things, and bigotry was one of them. To judge someone on something they could not help was wrong. They would never cater to such a crowd.

Being around so many straight people had been weird because he was so used to the easy flow of conversation where it seemed that gender never mattered, it was instead just a courtesy to respect whatever someone said they were. But there was almost a tension to it when he overheard straight people talking, like some kind of underlying approval needing to be met. Rosemary, being the anti-social man he is, chose to ignore it, pretending it didn’t exist. But speaking with Meissa, he began to actually recognize this.

“Oh yes, please, I need a man so, so badly.” Part of the joke was how monotone he spoke. His blind eyes rolled, thinking about this looker of a man-wolf. But then Meissa switched over towards a more honest thought, and he tried to handle it with a casualty. Love was something that was supposed to come naturally, something that was special and known. There would be a click or not. “The worst he can say is no. Besides, if it feels right, then it must be right.” True love was not meant to harm anyone, and he felt that Meissa’s love for Flynn would fall into such a category.

the staff team luvs u

 She gave a laugh, shaking her head. Then, she sighed, thinking back. “Well... it's hard when you love someone when nothing you can do will make you attractive to them.” She wasn't talking about Flynn and there was a melancholic note in her voice. Rosemary would be sure to pick up on it, even if he didn't know the specifics. Her next words, to herself, came as barely more than a whisper: “I suppose in the end, she never could have loved me.”

 It was hard, letting go of the past even when the future had the potential to be so bright. Yet... could it? She had her doubts, her fears.

 She shook out her pelt, feeling no more thistles embedded in, as far as she could tell. “I guess. It'd be a shame to make things awkward, though, if he does say no.” she liked the man and would regret it if her mere admission of her crush would make him not want to speak with her, interact with her. He'd shown signs of liking her, she thought... but what if they were just him being a sweet wolf?

 It wasn't that she was desperate but if she told him she liked him and then he didn't even want to be friends... what then? She supposed she might find a friend in Rosemary, but there was a gap, a hole that she wanted to fill.

the staff team luvs u

Meissa spoke as if instead of thinking of memory than her new man. He realized that maybe her shyness towards love and affections came from some past mates, maybe with some trauma sprinkled in. Rosemary had no real forms of PTSD, or really any issues, but he had ‘seen’ it before, and was not one to blame someone for having worries from them. They could be as bad, if not worse, than physical wounds.

As he started to give her some space, he could feel her shake out her pelt. Both of them seemed to agree that there were no more thistles. As she spoke, he thought of what others had said before about love. The old ladies that were with their mates for most of their lives, and the ones that had been with many others. Most of them seemed almost content with how it all turned out.

“The pros heavily outweigh the cons, I assume. Would you prefer to be only friends, when you feel more, for the rest of time? Or would you rather risk it, where you might end up happily together for the rest of time?” That felt wise. They all seemed happy to have loved, even if they had lost. So many had spoken of regret with not being with someone. While, honestly, Rosemary did not exactly understand all the romantic feelings, he knew that Meissa did. This was the best he could offer.

the staff team luvs u

 She considered this with a long silence. “I thought,” she said suddenly, then stopped herself to think more. “Once, I thought I could wait forever alongside someone. That one day, she could look at me the same way I looked at her...” Yet, that day had never come. She had never the chance or option to be with anyone else, but even if she had, would she have taken them?

 Eve had been her life.

 Even after the woman was gone, she had spent so long trying to get her back, to save her. Hoping that maybe, maybe if she did that, that she would finally be seen as more than just another loyal soldier, another follower. That she could be seen as a lover. It had never happened - in the end, she had been alone, lost.

 “I should risk it.”

 Worse came to worst, she could fucking run away from her embarrassment and never see the man again.

 “...Eventually. I guess I'll, uh, try to figure out if it's mutual first, or if it could be. I wouldn't want to rush him, after all.” She shuffled her paws, feeling extremely vulnerable and nervous all of a sudden.

the staff team luvs u