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All things considered, Annika regretted how the conversation had transpired towards the end. Thoughts of strange bipedal creatures with fur on their heads and contraptions made to keep a wolf's mouth closed haunted her now, and she wondered what sort of other beasts were out there lurking just beyond her knowledge. Still, Meissa hadn't seemed.. bad -- no, if anything, she seemed to be a woman far kinder than she ought to be given the circumstances of her life. In a way, Annika related. Her pain had been handed out by her own kind, yes, but there was a kinship there regardless. Shitty lives were something worth bonding over, weren't they? But then the growl had come and Meissa had titled it belonging to her mate, and Annika had grown uneasy at the idea he would not show his face.

When @Rosencrantz had showed, she was relieved. Mostly. The other part of her was disappointed she wouldn't be able to learn anything else from the woman, but his stance had been clear on the matter. Meissa had left without issue, though, and she hoped any potential future interactions would be peaceful. Fat chance, but a lady could hope.

Annika stirred when she felt the man brush against her, requesting a moment alone. She almost protested for the sake of laziness, but instead nodded and trailed behind him at a leisurely pace. There was no urgency in her strides, though she did fear whatever was about to happen. "What's on your mind, Rosen?" She had to admit it felt strange speaking with him so calmly. Shouldn't they have been mauling each other or something?

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The silence was deafening. She had never felt so terribly alone as in that moment, but it stemmed from a place of fear. Rosencrantz had welcomed her into his home and she worried he may be asking her to leave; perhaps her spar with Guild hadn't been appropriate and he'd taken offense? Annika didn't know, but she was quickly replaying all of her possible offenses. Which one had been the deciding factor to remove her from the Wayfarers?

You are pregnant.

Oh. That one.

Annika's ears flattened against her head as she walked, nearly tripping over the revelation as though she hadn't been painfully aware of it all along. She couldn't think of a single thing to say outside of "yes." his face unreadable, Annika couldn't tell his feelings on the matter. Still, she felt compelled to add: "But I do not think anything will come of it. They will either not survive the full term or be stillborn, you needn't worry about it." It had happened every single time, so what made this any different? If anything, her body was growing older and less fertile. The chances of a successful pregnancy were slim.

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It appeared he was not as angry as she had anticipated him being when the news finally came out, but there was a hesitance to him that made her frown. Annika had certainly not suspected one man would impregnate her twice, particularly when so many others had failed, and boy had she tried other men. It was simply her body, beaten and abused for so long from such a young age, that was inhospitable to life. Annika had accepted it long ago, yes, but this certainly wasn't doing her any favors.

The woman was grateful for his body along hers and leaned against him as she settled onto her haunches, chewing the inside of her cheek bloody. "Rosen," she spoke softly. "The amount of times I have tried for pups, the amount of times it has failed to take and the amount of times pregnancies have failed.. well, it would be a miracle." Annika wanted to pull away in shame but held there, glancing at him from the corner of her icy gaze. "You're sweet, though. If it sets your mind at ease, I will.. slow down." She wondered, deep down, if he was counting on his tactic to bring the puppies into the world alive and well.

"It doesn't matter how hard it would be, though. If by some divine intervention these puppies were born, I would do whatever necessary to protect them. Keep them alive, healthy. No one would need to help, it would be my own doing and unfair to assume anyone else to pitch in. I'm okay with that."

Not that it would happen at all.

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Things were as uncertain as always. Just once, Annika wished for some semblance of togetherness -- what did it feel like to be whole? Content? Satisfied? There were a thousand and one things on her mind, and she struggled to ascertain what was right. Somewhere out there in an alternate universe was an Annika that had her life together, a proper mateship and a family larger than life. Whatever she had decided that triggered such a fortunate fate, present Annika didn't know. Gods, she wished she knew.

Still, even though she convinced herself it would do no good to dwell, Annika was stuck in a cycle of brooding. How unfair was it for all of these cruel things to happen? What crime had she committed to be deserving of them? She wracked her brain time and time again and came up empty, so it only made sense she was sitting next to Rosencrantz debating the meaning of life. There was none, plain and simple, and she was a fool for trying to figure it out.

"Alright," the Russian agreed. If he wanted to help, if he felt obligated to do so, she would allow him to soothe his conscience. When he remedied that ailment and the concern dwindled, she would be prepared. Her attention drifted back to him as she lowered onto her stomach, claws scraping the earth as she gingerly relaxed. "Moving would be fine, I have no problems with that. There's probably.. a bit less than a month to do so, however." Annika glanced up at him, wondering how prepared he could be so soon. Less than a month? When the hell had she planned on telling him?

Oh, right. Never.

"The woman, Meissa.. she told me of things that stood on two legs and put a muzzle on her. She said a muzzle was like a cage for the mouth, and that they had made something called dogs. Do you know anything about that? Dogs? Or muzzles. Are they real?" Annika desperately wanted some validation to the story, lest she be mocked for being taken a fool.

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While he still perplexed her with his mannerisms, Annika was gradually realizing that when he said nothing at all was often when he said the most. She kept herself pressed against him, afraid to lose a moment of rare peace between them. Perhaps he was only doing it out of guilt for what had happened between them, but she was appreciative nonetheless. With Valeska so far away, he was really the only friend she had. Pathetic, yes, but when had she been anything but?

Her attention remained wholly fixated on him as he began to explain dogs.. somewhat. It wasn't the most detailed of answers but likely as much as she was going to get out of him. "I see. Hm. Wonder if she was lying, then." Annika didn't suspect she had a reason to do so, but Rosen had experience beyond his years that she was willing to acknowledge, too. She would have greatly preferred to know the woman was lying, but..

"Will you tell me a little bit about yourself? You and your brother seem like seasoned warriors, how did you end up out here?" Was there a story behind it? Were they disgraced soldiers, or simply scarred from a rough lifestyle like Annika?

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The granules of information he offered were few and far between, but she understood. It was difficult to ask for knowledge he didn't have himself, so she didn't pressure him into explaining anything further. All she offered was a nod and an observation: "Your brother is an interesting man." It was the polite way of putting it, naturally. Annika didn't see either of them as assholes, exactly, but did certainly view them as bullheaded and brash. Ah, well. There was nothing that could be done about it now.

"Let's head back, hm?" They could discuss things on the way, and once there, Annika could happily fall asleep.

exit

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