< it's always on the tip of my tongue >

@Ira

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Renn emerged from the small hollow that he had dug for himself at the base of this great oak tree. Astound by its size and magnanimous reach for the sky above. His head had been thrown back, jaw parted with a twinge and obvious hint of pure awe. But that was before the sun scorched his eyes and he looked away from the great wonder, desperate for a break of sheer seething pain in his pearled orbs.

The area around him dissolved into their array of colors. Green hues blossomed that attracted him so. His feet glided over to the nearby fern bushes that bubbled with closed buds of sprouts. The coming winter will surely usher them away. He wondered, then, if his siblings had wandered the reach of the summit. If his mother had successfully birthed her new brood—

His expression soured. A painful surge of jealousy quipped through his blood. Renn's shoulders tensed with an unmistakable feeling of being cast aside. Again.

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herbalist

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It was @Hieronymous's turn to watch over their youngest, @Katja most of all, meaning she was able to stretch her legs and embark on some much-needed silence. She was not blind to the changes in the world. The mountain air was crisp, especially in the morning, the leaves of the trees were turning warm like early sky light. Winter would be here soon, and with it, the yearly struggle to keep her family safe, well-fed, and warm. Fortunately, her youngest were already growing guard hairs. They had more maws than ever to feed now, but comparatively to past years, this time the means to feed them felt manageable. Vanderfell would survive just fine.

Speaking of survive...familiar creams caught her eye as she passed one of the large trees that harbored itself in the earthy portions of the mountain. Ira backtracked a step or two as her son inspected a curling fern, a thin smile hidden on her lips. He had grown so much, though it was hardly fair to treat him like a child. Renn and his siblings were full fledge adults now, and it made her chest swell to see the day they could navigate this world without her. He, on the other hand, did not look so pleased. “Something troubles you?”

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Renn's soured, painfully obvious expression dissolved once he heard the comforting voice of a grey, purpled woman behind him. He turned, familiarity overcoming him as his eyes glimmered towards her. Mother.

'Mother,' Renn would greet her, the matriarch, mama. The word sounded childish as it flashed across his mind. His ears were tapered to his head in a warm gesture as he looked back to his fern. She must've noticed his rather...clear look of displeasure. Embarrassed that she saw him expressing such an emotion, he shook his head. 'Oh', he breathed. 'Nothing...'

His words drawled as he contemplated what to say next. What to say to her. Their relationship has changed over time, as much as he had. He was an adult now. He was anything but a child. But then why did he yearn for his mother's embrace in the dead of night? A look of gratitude from his father— The high king.

'They are...well?' He looked away from the fern to the scarred face of his mother, locking his hazel eyes with her golden flecked pearls. 'I haven't been able to visit. Didn't want to impose any germs'.

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In an instant his plight seemed to be washed away. Maybe it never existed and his expression had only been brought on by the depths of thought, but no matter the truth, he seemed unwilling to share. “Your brothers and sisters?” His words soon made his intentions clear, but it would not stop her from reminding him that they were nothing to fear. “Aye. They are strong.” The ones that remained at least.

Ira had never bothered to share the news of those who did not awake in this world. In some ways, it was how she chose to grieve with the failure, and in others it hardly seemed worth troubling her children. The roan queen was unaware that @Rea had been there to witness Hiero bury the twins. “You should introduce yourself. Already they run from the whelping den. I fear there is nothing more you could bring that they will not face already.”

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Ira's words were only soothing to his ears. Strong. That was good. His mother and father were anything but weak— but then what did that make him?

His eyes lit up at her request. In the moment, he felt special once more. You need to introduce yourself. Him. And they are already out of the den, exploring the world? Gods, how much has Renn just missed out on? The days passed by in flashes as he was consumed with his herbology work. He was so entranced with his own work that he hadn't even bother to check in on his own mother.

'I will,' he would reassure her with a small smile before his eyes glanced over her. But had been anyone checking in on her? 'You are well?'

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A huff hissed from her lips without much thought. Renn was no longer a child, and as such he was privy to the weight the world could hold. Her show of emotion differed from many, but she had no use hiding the work from someone who no longer needed sheltered innocence. “I am fine. We have more capable paws than ever, a blessing with this year's brood...” How many times had they amassed an amount of children with hardly enough adults to provide? They had survived, but this winter perhaps would be more calm, or at the very least no less manageable than years prior. Katja was already proving to be just as difficult as her sister.

“Winter is coming. Already the air has chilled and snow dusts the caps of the summit. Have you prepared any?” Ever since @Quicksilver left, Vanderfell never did find a healer to replace him. Not one that lasted long, at least. Renn was perhaps the closest hope they had in case of immediate harm, but his interest in plans may not even cross a medical use. “Your father and I have been working hard to keep the caches full. Fortunately, another skilled hunter has recently joined our ranks. She shows promise.”

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Renn was happy that his mother was okay. That's what he could ask for. He'd check up on his father at some point, too, but with the hurried tone of her voice, it sounded as though there were more things to juggle.

Of course. Winter. It would be his first winter as an adult, so her question about preparation came out harsh. Harsh as if she had actually prepared him for these circumstances. Stunned, he hesitated for a moment, and answered. 'There are herbs scattered... but not many.'

Good. That was good, right? Renn had done well. But he could do better, couldn't he? Couldn't he? There was a weight on his chest as he stood before his mother in this moment, a weight that kept pressing harder and harder against him. He swallowed a lump in his throat nervously.

'New hunter?' He'd ask curiously, plucking a medicinal flower from a stalk and setting it down at his feet. 'Who is she?'

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herbalist

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Ira merely hummed at her son's news. It was not his fault if they were lacking, and at the very least he had some mind to collect what he could. The mountain was not as giving as the Run or lands beyond their borders. Idly, she wondered how Quicksilver's garden faired. Some had taken to tending it here and there, but it still frequented weeds and as for the herbs themselves, she was not knowledgeable enough to know each one's benefits. Her herbal skills were best suited for battle wounds or mishappened scrapes, but should someone fall ill...well, then they'd have another problem. “Would a helper bring benefit you? I fear we naught the talent should winter be cruel this year, but something is better than nothing.” And Renn a herbalist, was better than no medic.

The roan mother stepped closer to peer down at the plant he plucked, head tilting just enough to look past Renn's shoulder. “She is family.” Tentatively at least. She would not deny Greyback's desire for his missing piece, but his mate was as much family as he was a father to her. Her children had long since taken to calling him a grandfather, however, which meant there was no skirting Valette's place in Vanderfell. “As you may recall, your grandfather left for some time. He was in search of a missing piece, and now he has found it. Her name is Valette.” Beyond that she knew very little of the woman, but she had caught sight of her watching the herds nearby or refreshing the caches, so for now Ira had no ill thoughts of her.

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Family. Gods, he felt so out of touch with what was going on. His mother's new litter, the coming winter, and now this. What else could he possibly have missed out on? The materialization of a God? It might as well be akin to it all.

That he did know. That his grandfather left for a short time, that is. But he didn't know that he returned. Perhaps Greyback would call on him, soon, always having an idea that he was more plant-orientated such as himself. But he could've gotten that entirely wrong...it wouldn't be the first time that Renn has made a mistake.

'Valette,' Renn would repeat, plucking another herb from the bush. He was delicate with his pull, learning from previous experiences that if he pulled too hard he would kill the plant entirely. There were more than a few bushes around here that had to grow up from just seedlings once more because of his blissful ignorance. Collecting the plants were not as easy as some may like to assume.

'Sure!' He'd turn to look at his mother again in response to her question about a helper. He was going to say something earlier, but his queen of a mother gets so passionate and stern when she talks. It scares him to try and interrupt her. 'I think grandfather may know some...'

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herbalist

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If only she had known the inner struggles that coursed and pressed at the front of his mind. None of it made Renn a failure, even if he felt one part removed. But she could only do so much as a mother, and without equal guidance, she could not lead him back to the closeness of his family he so desired. “Hmm, I know not, but I am sure he would be happy to help. Any paws are better than none. Perhaps if Shiroshika is well, we might send word for a set of paws. I'm sure they too would have a knowledgeable teacher that could show us all a few things.”

It had been some time since they checked on the frost bound, but with the shifts of the world, Shiroshika was no longer so far away. A mountain still laid between them, but it bordered frequented lands for both packs. Vanderfell had been well enough that she may not need to make the journey herself either. While Ira would prefer to see her distant friends, there were her children to consider, not just the youngest but those old enough to aid beyond Vanderfell walls as well.

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Any paws are better than one.

Renn would take the sliver of advice from his mother and carry it with him. He could feel it cement into his mind, fill the cracks with the harsh tome of her knowledge passing to him. Be cooperative. And try he will. Renn had always been one to keep himself in the dark, the corner, the shadows for the simple fact that he didn't want to leave the safety of the cocooned mountain ridge. Why would he? Paradise was at the tips of his paws.

Renn visibility lit up with joy at the mention of Shiroshika. That could mean a possibility of seeing Reiko. That child-like warmth in his heart for the white woman only continued to bubble with heat despite the cooling weather. He wasn't even fazed by the breeze that whistled in the trees.

'Okay,' Renn nodded, a smile on his face. 'Okay yeah. That would be cool!' There was still a boyish wonderment that took over him when he wished to expand his knowledge. Despite him...not picking up on it too quickly, he still would try his best to retain all that he has learned. 'How will you send for them?'

Renn didn't want to make the journey himself, obviously, but he was still curious.

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Well, it seemed as though her words made some mark to lift Renn's spirits. Ira may not be one to emote as openly as their companions, but that did not mean she did not wish to see her children smile. Perhaps the faces of Vanderfell were growing old for her son, even if he did not wish to leave home. An ally might bring good company... “I was thinking it was about time to give Petra a real challenge. I know she wishes to travel, more specifically for communication purposes. The lands Shiroshika treks is but a mountain divide. A mountain that should be less challenging than our own to navigate...” Though of course that opinion came from a far more experienced mind, but should Petra run into issue, she was not far from home and allies.

“It was right time we sought an audience with their leading pair anyhow. It has been some time since we last shared words... I can only hope it is for good reason. With the youngest so mobile, it would be best, however, if I stayed here. But until more paws arrive, or at the very least news, I suspect your grandfather and my own paws will suffice. Your father may also know more than he lets on. When @Quicksilver was still living here, those two spent quite a bit of time in the garden.”

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The idea of seeing new faces around Vanderfell elated him. His siblings drove him mad. When he saw them, anyways. It has been but all far too long since he has even seen Rea or Ries...and now here comes the feeling of dread that trickles down his spine. Were they okay? His mind wandered, thinking of some of the worst things that could be unbecoming of their fate.

But none of that nonsense. His siblings were fine. All of them. Aren't they?

They have to be.

'I think it'll be best if I find grandfather, then?' Renn cocked his head to the side, observing his mother. She was such a strong spectacle for him to lay eyes on. He wished in the depths of his heart that he could one day mirror the presence she carried. But it proved once he aged, he had the gentle-cut of his father.

'Dad, too.'

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“I think they would both like that, don't you?” She felt no need to push Renn to do one thing or another. He was an adult now, and as such, he could make his own decisions. Of course, she would always be a mother, and for that she would guide him when asked. It was time for him to feel confident in his decisions, so while she agreed, it was ultimately in his own paws to take the next step. “I shall leave you to it. The borders beckon.” Ira waited only a moment longer, should her son have any complaints or parting words, before turning to head down the mountain slopes.

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fade out here?

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