on the moonlight side

@Opossum , but open!

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Arroyo scrambled over the rocky hillside in pursuit of a jack hare, tongue lolling and tail high. He’d almost, almost gotten the drop on the sleeping prey a half hour earlier, but those tall ears had twitched and the goat-eyed head had popped up, and the chase began. And it had not eased since!  The yearling’s breath puffed in clouds and his lungs ached, but the hare was tiring too and several times he’d snapped his teeth at its heels and practically tasted it.

Ever since they’d come to this place, he and his brother had been hungry. They were accustomed to pack life, but now they were on their own and despite having brought down prey before, doing it on their own was new.

And it wasn’t going well.

“Opie!” Arroyo gasped, swing his head before the rest of him caught up to it when the hare veered in a random direction abruptly. It’d been doing this shit since the pursuit began. He stumbled but stayed on his paws, correcting his trajectory. Hopefully Opossum had been keeping up, because the hare had turned back and was tearing back the way they’d come over the rocks.  “Cut it off, Opie!”

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Opossum crouched in a small patch of grass growing up among the rocks. He was watching his brother and the rabbit and not sniffing the interesting smell by the other rocks or watching the beetle as big as one of his paw pads cresting yet another set of rocks. His eyes were fixed on the cloud of dust swirling in the wake of The Chase. He had been following behind in case the rabbit bolted to the side instead of continuing its straight path-- at least that’s what Arroyo had told him.

He was fairly certain the real reason was because he was “impatient” and “loud” and “easily distracted” . Not today. Today, Opie was determined not to be distracted.There would be other beetles and other smells. The sun was shining off the back of the beetle’s iridescent wings and--- his name! Ears perked at the sound, and the young wolf was off like a shot.

Paws dashed over grass- only grass, he would not touch the stones or rocks if he could help it. The rabbit was coming toward him. Opie could see the flash of its eyes and the twitching of its ears just as it shot to the right. His teeth clamped down on fur, but a strong hind foot connected with the underside of his snout. A more firm bite only earned him a harder kicking to the face and the scrape of small, but jagged claws.

He drew his head slowly back, not daring to call his brother’s name, but one of the hare’s back paws connected with the arching bone of his cheek just beneath his eye. With a whine, he instinctively released the hare’s tail and spat damp fur onto the ground. He could only hope that he had given Arroyo enough time to catch up.

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An imagined halo of light beamed around Opie’s head as an exhausted, panting Arroyo slowed his sprint. His eyes lit up and the corners of his mouth grinned, and — uh oh, it was still writhing in his brother’s maw. And seeing his jagged teeth closed around the terrified creature brought back unwanted memories of serrated canyon walls splashed with red all the way to the belly-dropping floor deep below —

The hare kicked itself free and hit the ground, and Arroyo ducked his head low and sped up again. Starvation was a death worse than the one he’d imagined, and he was dangerously close to giving up if they couldn’t catch a measly varmint with their powers combined.

Opie had slowed it down, however, and Arroyo hadn’t slammed on the brakes, so he was on it in an instant. He scooped the frantic animal into his jaws and toppled off the rocky ledge he’d been too tunnel-visioned to see.

From Opie’s vantage there was a scraping of claws, a shrill squeak, a yelp, and a few bodily thumps as Arroyo rolled down into the high grass below. He laid still, dazed, hind legs skyward and the rest of him turned on his side. His vision swung in and out of focus, but his nose was on task before his eyes. It quivered at the end of his snout, leading his entire head to whip toward the carcass of the hare. It was full of punctures from his hitting his jaw on a rock and biting in — and it was dead.

“Opie,” Arroyo wheezed, flailing his limbs until he was on his belly. He rose shakily to his feet and turned in a circle. He was a little sore, but he was fine, and now they were going to eat. “You did it! We did it! Come down.”

His paws danced on the grass in yearling excitement, and he couldn’t help but throw his head back and give a short war howl.

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He went over. He went over. Hewentoverhewentover--

Opossum froze while the scene replayed itself backwards and forward. The rabbit, the wolf, the ledge. His legs began to quiver beneath his lean form, and the remaining tufts of tail fur eased between his hind feet. It was never supposed to be Arroyo. His paws and unsteady legs carried him in slow, halting movements toward the edge of the drop. He didn’t want to see, but he had to see. If the fall into the mouth of the earth had left him still breathing, he would have to climb down and join him. He would not let his brother be swallowed up alive and alone.

By the time he reached the ledge to peer over, his heart was beating in much the same rhythm as the hare’s had been. The sound of Arroyo wheezing his name from the depths… he would have to go with him into the great dark. This had always been his destiny. They had only delayed---

“You did it!”

Opossum’s eyes snapped open. Arroyo was on his feet and shouting not in fear, but in triumph. There were no great teeth, the world had not opened her jaws to receive them; they were alive. He clumsily sped down the slope, feet sliding here and there on loose rocks and slippery grass. When he gained his footing, he dashed to Arroyo, ignoring the rabbit entirely and shoved his snout into the fur of his neck. The scent of his brother was strong, and, if Arro allowed the further prodding, Opie would tuck his head to Arro’s chest to feel the warmth, to hear the beating of his heart.

“She didn’t take you.”

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The wolf set his big paw on the hare in triumph, gazing toward the top of the hill with his ears pricked forward and his tail wagging. Opie appeared and skittered down to join him, but then only serried up to him and stayed huddled close. He said, she didn’t take you.

Arroyo’s ears flattened. He wished he didn’t know what Opossum was thinking — because he often didn’t — but the past still haunted him, too. Would they live their whole lives with these visions and terrors? Opie especially seemed unable to parse reality from his trauma. And now, seeing the rest of the world, Arroyo could tell it was too great even for the Maw to devour — but it was going to devour them, if they didn’t leave it behind.

He bent his neck over Opossum’s while his brother cowered against his chest, pressing his chin into his fur.

“It’s a big world, isn’t it?” he said placatingly, then took his paw off their meager dinner to lay it on Opossum’s back. “We’re already too far away.”

He withdrew and nosed the hare until it flopped over Opie’s paws.

“You’ll feel better if you eat. But save half for me.”

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“She has many mouths.” Opie reminded him in a low voice half muffled by the fur between Arro’s foreleg and belly. “They open everywhere… they will come together one day and swallow us down, and all of us.” The gentle thump of his brother’s paw against his back drew him from his imaginings of great snouts pressing up, wide and hungry, from the earth beneath their feet. He blinked, and the world was wide and open and Arroyo was there still warm and breathing, beautiful and alive.

He lifted his head, nostrils flaring, and gave a few licks to the side of the other’s face as final reassurance he was there and whole. “We’re supposed to eat together to guard from greed.” His stomach needed time to crawl back up from where it had dropped into his paws and settle again. “Are you hurt?” The rusty scent of blood was stirring in the air, but it seemed to be rising from the motionless form of the rabbit more than his brother’s dusty fur.

Wriggling free from beneath his brother’s paw, he did a quick circuit around him, jabbing his nose experimentally here and there before making another attempt to shower Arro’s face with hearty licks.

Then he dropped to his stomach on the ground and touched his nose to the already cooling flank of the rabbit. “We should pick what piece we will give to her.”

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“No,” Arroyo insisted, but he didn’t have a real argument. He was disenchanted with the Maw, and since their escape, suspected there was no such thing. That it was a regular canyon, and so much they had thought and believed were fairy tales. Or, not quite tales — warnings.

Opossum started licking his face, and he shut one eye against the glance of his tongue.

“Alright, I’ll eat with you,” he agreed, too famished to launch into an argument about whether there was any Maw, or anything like fate and destiny in the world. A few moments passed, and he said, “I’m not”

And he wasn’t. Maybe the occasional bruise from his tumble, but the rocks hadn’t broken his skin, and surely not his bones. He gave his tail a wag for proof, then set his paw on Opie’s shoulder again to try and fend off his nervous licking. When his brother dropped down to investigate the rabbit, Arroyo in turn gave his face one good lick where the hare’s claw had scratched him under his eye. That could have been bad, he thought, trying to imagine his already eccentric brother navigating the world with half his vision. He’d probably compensate with more of the visions that came out of his rattled brain.

Harm could come from anywhere, he thought, gazing at the hare before Opossum spoke and made his heart plummet. They couldn’t give up a piece of their first, tiny meal to the Maw!

“Let’s give her the head,” he suggested, picking an integral part of the animal, but one that didn’t have much muscle. “And we’ll divide the hind legs.” The most delicious part.

He took one in his mouth, and around its little paw, said, “Help me.”

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There was no good place to make an offering of the head. It was unwise to carry the offering too far, lest She believe you were taking the food for yourself. Opossum was unsettled by the idea of opening more mouths in the earth, but resigned himself to digging a small hole and murmuring prayers and songs as he buried it. When he was done, he pressed his brow to the freshly churned dirt and lingered there a moment before moving on with his brother.

The rabbit felt good nestled in the den of his stomach, but its presence seemed only to magnify how great the empty spaces were. He was still so hungry. Drooping his head, he paused to lift his front paws and lick them anxious, darting his tongue between his toes and over his nails. It was no use. He had already licked both his snout and his paws clean of any remains of the rabbit.

Not to mention, his stopping caused him to linger too far behind his brother, causing him to have to scamper to keep up. Unlike Arroyo, he fully believed the teachings of the Maw. He could see Her in the jagged edges of the rocks and the cracks in the earth. The moon and sun were great roving eyes; the offerings peered out from the black in judgment, the stars their glittering eyes.

Arroyo had not seen the visions or heard Her whispering. Arroyo had snatched him from Her jaws and whisked him away. It was only a matter of time now before she took them both.

“Arro, where are we going?” He wondered if his brother had a plan or if their destination was something more amorphous-- just away. It felt a lot like the rabbit, running and running, but eventually gobbled up.

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The brothers ate, and were still hungry after. With his belly silenced, Arroyo finally took in the rocky plains, tilting back his head to follow the winding paths of the stars and to find the moon before dawn’s light spread to the bottoms of clouds in the far distance. He knew there were other wolves in the world — he’d seen them, from time to time, patrolling the borders of their pack’s territory. But how many were there? He hadn’t seen one since they’d left, nor heard or scented any.

“I don’t know,” he conceded, slowing down to wait for Opossum to reach his side. Admitting it made him afraid, so he added, partly for his own comfort, “but that’s alright. We’re living, now. Really living. We can do whatever we want.”

Opie would still try to appease the Maw. He knew, but maybe he could slowly open the steel jaws of the trap his brother’s mind was clutched in. They had all the time in the world to reset him, if they only lived long enough to do it.

“What do you want to happen?” After a lull, he clarified: “What if we found other wolves, and they let us be with them? Or… We could find a place with elk and deer and get fat and strong. Do whatever we want, whenever we wanted.” Somewhere She can’t find us. He needed Opossum to believe that was possible.

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Opossum slowed as he reached Arroyo’s flank and turned his ears toward the sound of his voice while keeping his gaze firmly on the ground beneath them. When possible, he skirted around the rocks, walking only on the grass and moss. It felt more like being very small and treading on your mother’s fur than cold and hard like traversing the surface of teeth clamped shut. “What is it that you want to do that we could not before?”

It was a pointless trail of inquiry, really, and he knew the answer. You would be dead if we had stayed, Opie. He could not understand why that was such a terrible thing, but he supposed if something happened to Arroyo, he would not find life very interesting anymore. He recalled the way his stomach had liquified and dripped into his paw pads at the sight of his brother tumbling over the rather small ledge. One could not eat if their stomach was pooling in their toes, and how did one breathe when the one they loved could not anymore?

He took the questioning to heart. What did he want to happen? Selfishness was discouraged in the Maw, but this was Arro. He could surely admit a little to him. “”I would like to find a pool and swim in it. Do you remember when we found the water that fell from the stones? We drank and splashed, and it was cool… it shone in the sun.” It had been a small waterfall tumbling into a shallow pool just deep enough that the elders could lay their stomachs on the soft, sandy bed with their heads floating on the top of the water. It was summer then, or spring, and he and Arro had sprawled onto one of the warm stones to dry.

“I would like to see a deer.” He added shyly.

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Arroyo looked over his shoulder, biting back a vehement response. He hadn’t realized before how much he couldn’t do, but it was clearer now in these hours of traveling alone than it had been in the months he’d lived with the pack. Maybe it was par for the course — complete control, fear mongering, and shame — to be part of a pack. If that was the case, he didn’t mind living and dying on their own. But most important was the thing he would not do, which was see his brother die.

The corners of his mouth tugged upward and his tongue lolled when Opossum went on, however, and answered his question in a way that gave Arroyo hope for him.

“I remember,” he said, and wondered if there was any such place in the rest of the world. He’d like to find it, too.

“I would like to eat a deer,” he expounded, and licked his chops as a thread of drool dangled from his jowls. “I bet we won’t as long as we’re here.” This place had a stunning, foreboding beauty about it, but it was barren. Odorless, almost. He thought they’d be better off if they could reach trees again, or another desert. “I’d like to find other wolves. Wolves who live a whole ‘nother way.”

He gave Opie a mischievous look.

“And a girl. Maybe we could start our own pack.” With him at the head, no doubt. “I’d make you my right paw.”

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Opossum’s droopy ears lifted as his brother extolled the virtues of life outside the pack. When he fancied eating a deer, all that he could think was how small they were and how greedy it would be to consume something so large and grand on their own. It occurred to him in that moment, as he watched the ropes of drool swing from his brother’s open jaws, that perhaps he and Arroyo were different on some fundamental level.  Perhaps Arro’s thoughts did not have to traverse through the same thorned brambles as his; maybe She did not prowl behind them, nipping at flank and heel.

He twisted his ears back and this time, tried to fight the urge to remind his brother that other wolves were savages. They would kill them just as easily as their former pack and with no ceremony. He clamped his jaws tight around the thought of their souls wandering the earth forever, doomed to only look upon the stars instead of becoming them.

“A girl?” He said instead. “Why would you want a girl?” His nose wrinkled and he pressed its cold leather to Arroyo’s throat with a quiet scoff. “You’re too slow to catch a girl anyway. I’ll bet their legs carry them fast as rabbits.” The gentle tease was followed by a playful nip for one of the other’s ears then Opie leapt forward and began to run across the grass, hopping here and there over patches of rocks to land in the grass.

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The young wolf gave his brother’s ear a good gnawing when he was teased. He said, “I won’t have to catch her. Dozens of them will come to me, just as soon as my coat straightens out.” It was a very shaggy, coarse and confused pelt — but he expected to become a handsome, solid black one of these days, with the exception of his white capped paws.

But then Opossum started off, and Arroyo’s body reacted before his brain had time to process. He dropped down onto his elbows with his tail wheeling in the air, all the while mentally admonishing his body for doing the wrong thing at the wrong moment. We’re already playing. Chase him! After some spastic, flailing motions, he sprang forward, spine arching inward and outward as his long, gangly limbs carried him after Opie.

He had regained a little energy from eating and moving at a slower clip, so he was more than ready to race across the windblown grass and nip at his brother’s heels. And he was happy, happy, happy they were both alive to run and be free and play and hunt. In that moment he have no thought to the Maw and Her imminent devouring of the world and all its wayward wolves. She was less and less real to him the farther they went.

When he thought he was close enough, Arroyo lunged and tried to catch Opossum loosely by his scruff. He was tenacious enough, however, to drag him down into the grass if he wasn’t outwitted or outsped.

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There were few times when Opossum felt free of the anxious thoughts that crowded his brain, but running like this with no one but Arroyo chasing him and the world unfurling before them was one of them. If he only focused on the way his feet fell against the grass and moss and the way the wind gently dragged its fingers through his fur and tugged at his ears, then he didn’t think much on the Maw or her awaiting jaws.

He felt the light scrape of Arro’s teeth against his heels and an excited yelp escaped him before he could stop it. Had they been at home, this would never have been allowed. It was too loud, too rough. Maybe this was why Arroyo had wanted to go.

Glancing back over his shoulder, he saw his brother lunge for him and the half moment’s hesitation was enough for him to be caught and dragged to the earth. He skid on his side across the ground and turned onto his back, kicking gently up into the air at Arro’s chest. “You wouldn’t know what to do with dozens of girls.” He teased. It was hard to imagine his playful brother growing, becoming stoic and serious, having puppies of his own and a girl.

What would Opie’s role be in that new life? Would Arroyo still need or want him? Would the girl and the pack and the pups be enough? Maybe once he had that, Opie could give himself over to the Maw for the both of them and beg forgiveness. He could die as he was always meant to.

For now, he thrust his head forward and rumbled a quiet growl. Tossing up his head, he licked at the underside of the brother’s jaw.

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Arroyo thought he’d never seen Opossum have fun before. He had — and he’d often gotten into trouble for it — but his brother was better behaved than he was. More loyal. Less his own. And while he still had fearful thoughts, such as that he’d led the other young wolf astray and now his soul was untethered from the stars forever, the shaggy traitor was mostly sure this was right.

They tumbled over the grass and he pinned his brother down under his paws, neck craning so he could bite at the feet that wheeled to try and shove him away. He was already growling, teeth on display as he tried to give a paw a good pinch. This was rougher than he usually played, just because there was no one to stop them.

He was also blissfully unaware of Opossum’s line of thought.

“I’d figure it out,” he said between loud growls, then shook his head when Opie licked him as if he’d been showered with water. This did, however, have the effect of making him jump off. He stood a few feet away, tail wagging and tongue lolling from the side of his mouth. His dark eyes lifted from Opie toward the sky, and, on a puppy whim, he jumped up toward it.

Of course he landed a short distance away, but then he reared on his hind paws and jumped again, snapping at the stars. The next time he landed, his chest swelled, then he tilted his head back and howled. It was loud and wild and defiant, and he inwardly willed Opie to join him. It was their birthright to chase the moon and roll in the grass and be.

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Opposum bared his own teeth, twisting back his ears and gently snapped his teeth in the air between them. When his brother leapt off of him, he rolled onto his side then belly, wagging his stubby, scarred tail in response. He was panting, watching his brother leap for the stars. He felt warmth gathering in his chest, a strange lightness that he could not name. His brother was happy. Truly happy. No one had scolded him for nipping and rolling about in the grass or howling too loudly.

Opie pushed himself up and slowly walked to his brother, tail still slowly wagging. With a longing glance to the black velvet and diamond sky, he closed his eyes and gave a howl of his own. It was not as energetic as his brother’s but there was hope to be found in its steady timbre.

When the sound had faded, he nosed Arro’s throat. “Arroyo?” His thoughts were beginning to tangle again now that he had caught his breath. He stumbled over the words, feeling a prickling of guilt. “We’ll stay together won’t we? Even when we find the deer and the pool and the girls?”

He paused to scratch at the back of his ear with one of his hind feet. “Will I grow up too?” There had not been a chance of it before, but now, now that they were here in the wide open and Arroyo was speaking of growing thicker, more lovely coats and packs. He cocked his head and scanned the brush around them, dropping his nose to the grass with a hearty sniff.

“I could see for us. If I can find one of the Paws.”

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After they'd gotten that out of their system, Arroyo kept watching the stars bright-eyed. His breath appeared in clouds that quickly faded, and his tail wagged behind him. It was Opossum's nose that jogged him out of his own thoughts, and he turned to cant his head at his brother.

“Of course we'll stay together,” he said. He didn't have to think about it. “We're a pack.” Maybe two wasn't a pack, per se, but he didn't know what to call them. He wouldn't leave Opie behind, no matter how air-headed he got.

It was funny to be questioned by the seer, but he thought perhaps he did have all the answers this time around. He said, “Yeah, you'll grow up. We'll be unrecognizable, this time next year.” Maybe he'd have a short, sleek pelt by then!

Then Opossum started searching for something. That wasn't cause for alarm; maybe he'd found a field mouse, or something dead to roll in. But then he proposed he find a Paw and try to look into the future, and Arroyo lunged to stick his snout under Opie's neck and raise his head again. “Don't,” he said too firmly, then gentled and repeated, “Don't. I don't wanna know. Let's just see what happens.”

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Tail slowly wagging behind him, Opossum methodically sniffed the gently swaying grass and the dust beneath their paws. It had been a long time since he had last looked into the future. In fact, the last time he had tasted the green Paws, he had seen himself falling… falling… with Maw’s teeth closing over him and plunging him into darkness. To this day, he could not understand why Arroyo had been angry with him for telling his vision to the elders; it was the way of things, after all.

It felt good to finally be doing something worthwhile. Tasting the Paws and opening yourself to the visions of the future was another way to commune with Her. If they could conduct a crude version of the seeing rites, it might make their betrayal sting just a little less. And maybe, just maybe, he would see the place where the deer and elk were. It might calm the fluttering of his chest if he could just know they would be alright. “I’ll see if you finally get your pelt to settle down and if you get a girl and--”

His brother’s nose pushed up his head, startling him enough that a small yelp escaped. Ears drooping and his tail crawling between his legs, Opie lowered his head. Arro was not usually one for snapping. “I don’t understand, Arroyo. I don’t understand any of this.” He did not like the unsteady quality to his voice.

“We were a pack before! We had family and friends and food and water!” The words were coming more quickly now, like a flood, and he couldn’t stop them.

“I was meant to die for the good of the pack! Why did you stop them, Arroyo? What am I supposed to do now? What is going to happen if we die out here? Where will we go…?”

He could feel his eyes stinging. The stars were too bright above them, the moon too close; he could not bear the weight of their stares. A rather embarrassing whine slid between his teeth, but he clamped them shut and cut it off.

Then he turned and ran.

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“I know,” Arroyo said steadily, ears dipping back against his head. “But…”

Opie wasn’t finished. And he had a right to have opinions, but Arroyo did not think he had the right to decide for both of him he was going to let himself be sacrificed to the Maw. He didn’t have the right to leave him alone. Still, he let him speak, and bit back against every argument that threatened to burst out of him. If he did, he knew he would have bitten him on the ear or the shoulder. Would have given him a good shake, too.

In the end he regretted not arguing, because his brother turned and fled in the next moment.

“Wait,” he demanded, and took off after his brother. His long legs carried him quickly, but Opossum was just as quick, and he’d already put a broad distance between them. After a moment Arroyo slowed and stood in the high grass, looking out across the jagged rocks and dramatic clouds as Opossum’s dark shape moved among them.

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