dying is easy. . . living is harder

It is a particularly ordinary day. 

It's nearly winter, now--ice creeps up every tree, frost adorns each blade of grass, and the wind smells that frigid way winter winds often do. The bushes near a great castle rattle with every breeze; the castle, silhouetted bleak and towering against an overcast gray sky, seems foreboding. In fact the whole atmosphere is dreary and heavy. Rain (or maybe snow) weighs down the clouds in a palpable way. 

Inside the dark castle, Piper is busy shuffling through the ruins of a hallway. Her paws scrabble for purchase on time-smoothed stone, her silver-patched tail seems too vivid against the dust, and occasionally a sneeze rings through the empty building. As she hops neatly over what must once have been a table, her short blunt claws click too loudly on the ground, and she jumps in startlement. Then she sneezes again as dust collects on her nose.

Continuing, Piper disgracefully descends a set of stairs. They're cracked and broken with age, and some of the steps shift ominously under her paws. She makes her way down as quickly as possible, the hairs at the back of her neck raising with anticipation. Reaching the end of the flight, she has to pause to take in what's ahead. 

Humans would have called this miserable basement a dungeon, but Piper doesn't know that. Her jaws part slightly--the whole scene looks. . .well. . .BEAUTIFUL. Like a field of flowers blooming in spring! Only there aren't any flowers, or grasses, or trees. . .and there's no sunlight. . .whatever. Close enough. 

Great iron bars stretch floor to ceiling, stacks of perilously perched stone separate former cells, and a deep feeling of gloom permeates the still musty air. 

What's not to love?

Piper slowly walks down the dungeon hallways, her eyes bright with curiosity.

@Dipper
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 There he sat. The fog had been bothering him, and quite frankly he hadn't even left Banesteppe since his arrival. Stupid, he knows. Yet it seemed a bit futile. Whatever adventure he wanted to pursue had been scrapped as soon as he was made aware of the fact he had no clue where he was. Nothing to reference. Just the coldness that seemed almost right.

 Now that he was accustomed to it the chilling snow of the tundra came to him naturally. Sure he grew up in the forest but deep within him he knew there was a soul that loved every little snowflake. If his father could've handled it, why couldn't he? So this was his temporary sanctuary. A creepy looking building with even creepier insides.

 The fog didn't do much to the courtyard of the castle. The walls were built so high that he didn't dare to give its full weight of sightlessness in. There was a slight mist but this was manageable. Besides the walls surrounding this area blocked out the chilling wind from reaching his bones. It was... to say... comfortable. As comfortable as a foreign land could be. If he'd been younger he would've had this castle explored in a day. Not now. Sure he was still as youthful as possible, but he'd matured. His puppy like sense of adventure was dulled out by the white noise of everything failing at his feet. All of the plans, all of his ideas. Whatever god above took it all away from him with one fell swoop. It crushed him in a little cup of rock so that it could sprinkle his ashes across the forest. Return him to the earth.

 He wasn't doing much in this moment. He was resting under the skeleton of a tree. One that may have been the bright green centerpiece of this place. His mind can imagine any royal walking up to it to get away from cranky parents. Leaving all of their professional duties to sit down and learn about the history of this world. He would've adored that possibility. To leave behind the cares of work and to succumb yourself to your own imagination. No matter how old you were.

 A hefty sigh escaped his maw. It didn't quite freeze his breath in the air, but he sure could feel its warm caress his cheeks as it flowed back to him.
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Neither has Piper left the north--while she dislikes the combination of damp and cold, her fur is thick and warm enough to keep her comfortable. And besides she's met plenty of interesting wolves up here, so she hasn't felt much desire to explore beyond what she knows. 

Presently she is absorbed in thinking about what this grand structure might once have been--a mountain? Is it even natural? And if it isn't natural. . .what could it be? As far as Piper is aware, no other intelligent creature exists in this world. With a shake of her black ears, she continues deeper. 

Suddenly there's an exceedingly loud, echoing CLANG! as Piper bumps into something cold and gray.

Piper gives a jolt of surprise, knocking into a cell door as she does so. The barred door hits the wall with another CLANG! -- luckily Piper jumps out of the way just in time. The walls are attacking her! Paws pattering over the ground which seems to be assaulting her, Piper scampers around a corner, but it's a dead end. She backs away from the wall and knocks into a sconce which had previously been dislodged, and that too falls over. CLANG!

The dungeon reverberates with sound. Suddenly her curiosity wilts into fear--what if she dies here, buried among the rubble? Nonsense, of course, because she isn't trapped; she knows that around the corner is a stairwell and up the stairwell is the main hall and then the outside. 

But still her fur is pricking with anticipation. She feels like something momentous is to happen soon. 

So, her fur now coated in a fine layer of dust, she continues creeping around the piles of rubble and metal and memories.
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 He still remained in the court yard, blissfully staring down at the snow beneath his paws. That was when he heard the loud clanks echoing throughout the castle.

 That was one thing he hated about this place. It carried noise all too well. Because of that it was almost impossible to pinpoint where something could be at that moment. It could be right next to you, or all the way across the castle. It was a mystery to him, and he didn't dare to explore what places had sound fall right at its feet. To him that just seemed like it was asking for trouble. Especially among a place that hardly blends in with the terrain around it. It stands out like a beacon in the night. It beckons people in.

 Despite all of his thoughts on how utterly stupid it would be for him to brave the inside of the castle, you know what he did?

 He got his little ass up and he walked straight back into that castle.

 Dipper wiped his paws off as soon as he stepped onto the stone flooring. Sure, he didn't have to. It was just a subconscious response. As if he had to do it or else he'd get yelled at by whatever spirits lurked the halls of this castle.

 He walked carefully. His steps made loud taps among the floor. Luckily for him walking these halls so much made his nails file down to a comfortable length. There wasn't any wood to chip them down like he'd down back home, but this? This was able to do just fine for the time being. He didn't have to worry about anything.

 He could hear footsteps as he walked. They weren't his own. So he let out a loud, "hello?" which in hindsight he probably shouldn't have done. For all he knew he would die again... maybe? Could he even die a second time? Was he even dead? He didn't know.
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"hello?"

A voice, coming from somewhere above her. The castle amplifies and echoes the sound, making it impossible to identify. Piper pauses her exploring, standing straight up and perking her ears to the ceiling.

A shiver runs down her spine.

If asked, she couldn't tell you why the voice sounds so. . .familiar. Even distorted by the acoustics of the castle, she feels like she should recognize it.

But that can't be. Nobody she knows is around here, and nobody she used to know is still alive. She's pretty much accepted this by now. Wherever she is, it isn't where she was before, and all the wolves here are different. She's pretty sure she's dead, but she doesn't really have any way to prove it. She distinctly remembers the feeling of dying--the touch of teeth tight around her throat--but that could just be a dream.

Maybe this is just a dream.

No matter. Throwing caution out the window, as is her tendency, Piper approaches the stairs. She doesn't ascend them, though, merely shouts up into the main castle,

"Down here!"

And nothing more. Not much makes Piper uneasy, but this indescribable tingle electrifying the air sure does.

And she has never been scared of anything before as she is scared of the familiarity behind this voice.
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 The voice echoed back to his ears. He always had had a better memory than her. Better identification skills, if you will. He was able to deduce things easily.

 A female voice with hints of familiarity. An annoying high pitch at the end too. Not annoying to him, but it definitely would be annoying to anyone else. He'd spent half of his life with an annoying tone like this. Even in distortion the peppy pitch was identifiable.

 Something in the way the voice sounded made his soul itch at his chest. He just had to find the source. No matter the cost. Even if it meant whatever annoying wolf would snap his neck.

 "Stay right where you are." His voice held an assertive snap to it. His voice had deepened significantly since she'd left. Puberty hit him earlier than most. The growth spirt, the hefty weight gain, and his vocal chords. If it wasn't for his striking similarity to his father he wouldn't be recognizable to anyone he once knew.

 Dipper descended the stairs in front of him. He moved with a great haste, taking them quickly. A clomp clomp clomp rang out across the spire as he went down. He wasn't trying to be carefully quiet at this point. He just needed to figure out what the fuck was taunting him from down the stairs. Whatever it was made his ears twitch.

 As the light shifted to darkness in front of him Dipper couldn't help but slow down before stepping off the stairs. Rushing from the light of the courtyard to the darkness of the lower level meant his eyes had yet to adjust to the darkness. All he could make out was the figure of someone in front of him.
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"Stay right where you are." 

Again, that voice! It touches some memory deep within her. Her father? Or Crispy? She just can't place it. It certainly couldn't be Dip. . .her brother. It's too commanding--too deep--too masculine. Besides, she refuses to believe he's here. Her hope has died out, and anyway she couldn't bear the guilt that would come with seeing him again. He's lost to Piper, and it's her fault, and her fault only. She had left him! For Eve, whose reckless adventure had resulted in Piper's death! She remembers now--the frivolous ideals of love the two had pursued. Both had been too young to understand the weight of devotion, and Piper had paid the price.

So it can't be Dipper. Piper refuses to believe that it's Dipper.

Piper backs away from the stairs; now the shadows of the dungeon combined with the dust coating her fur conceal her colors and pattern almost entirely.

She hears pawsteps above her, and then the clicking of blunt canine claws on the stone staircase. Her anticipation grows.

And then the figure is in front of her--not quite ten meters away--and Piper's breath catches.

Because it isn't Dipper. It can't be.

The soft gray light flooding in through the staircase casts the foreign wolf into a silhouette, and from her position in the shadows, Piper can't make out their colors.

And the silhouette is much too bulky to be her brother. He would be like her, wouldn't he? Lean, and runner-built. Certainly that's what he would look like, if he were here, if he weren't still alive and in some other world where she won't see him again. And he is alive, and she is dead, which means they cannot be in the same place. Not unless Dipper is dead, too, and he can't be dead.

If he's dead, it's Piper's fault. She knows this like she knows the color of her paws.

Caught up in her thoughts, she doesn't speak. Just stares at the unidentifiable silhouette, like a deer stuck in the headlights.
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 He landed himself from the staircase, his feet making a final clomp against the stone floor beneath him. He was grounded at this point. It was the same floor as the levels above them so the texture hardly caused him a stir. It wasn't foreign. In fact, it was the only familiar thing here.

 Actually no, that's a lie.

 His eyes had adjusted to the darkness. The sparse light shone forth to illuminate the figure in front of him. It cast a dull light, but it was enough to see her face. The light, in fact, made her off white eyes shimmer among her body.

 It sickened him.

 The fur on his back stood up right. His hackles even raised by his shoulders, lifting themselves up in almost a sense of warning. Though this was more so uncomfortability in this situation. He didn't like this. He hated it, in fact. Every muscle of his tensed up, bunching themselves to the point it coiled up in his shoulders, further raising his hackles. His tail raised itself slightly, fluffing up at the end. As an inverse his head even lowered itself, his ears perking up in an attentive manner.

 After a few moments of silence he finally spoke. "I'm hallucinating, right?" It wasn't aimed at her. Mostly because he didn't think she was real.

 In his mind he'd wake back up in a few moments. He'd yawn, stretch, and he'd go back on his merry way. He wouldn't meet any other wolves. Because this is his own little purgatory. His personal hell. This is his faint, and this is the result of every little sin he's committed. The childish torment of the pack, and just anything else.
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And then her eyes adjust, and the soft gray light is not shielding but illuminating, and he's there.

Standing in front of her, like a ghost, like a demon sent to remind Piper of all her mistakes.

And that's exactly what he must be. A demon. Because the horrible swirling guilt pooling in her stomach can't be anything other than torture--and what cruel torture! Suddenly she remembers that moment. . .the moment.

It's midnight, and Piper is dizzy with excitement. The night is rife with thrill, and the moon shines like a spotlight high above the forest, and Eve is waiting for her. Eve! Her best friend, and the most beautiful wolf Piper's ever met, and. . .and practically as radiant as an angel. Piper can't stop thinking about her.

Piper pads through the Abram dens, her pawsteps light and silent and as sneaky as a cat's. She holds a precious stone between her jaws--a peacock stone--and, amidst her delight, she feels a horrible sort of fear building within her.

What if he wakes up?

She pads into Dipper's den, the stone shaking between her trembling jaws.

It hurts to look at him--to actually see the person she's leaving.

But she has to leave. For Eve.

Piper drops the stone beside his muzzle, and then she turns away, and she doesn't look back.

She can't look back, or she'll stay.

Piper's ears flatten, and all of her muscles quiver. With terror: what if he hates her? With regret: she was so damn stupid for leaving him. With disbelief: this can't be real.

"I'm hallucinating, right?"

His voice is so familiar it makes her heart ache.

"You can't be," Piper breathes, and all her usual boldness is gone, "because this isn't real."
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 What had been an uncomfortable feeling before drifted away. Yet his hackles remained raised. He was alert. More alert than he'd ever been. What if whatever took her was here with her? Is this where she'd been held hostage all this time? Or if she wasn't held hostage... where she's been hiding? No. That can't be right. Something must've been keeping her away. Otherwise she would've returned. She would've told him. He could've stopped whatever villain had been hoisting her away from him. From their family.

 "Okay this is fucking real isn't it." A growl laced his words. Anger dripped at the end of every single word. It seethed like a poison.

 His tail had lowered itself downwards at this point, taking its position between his flanks. It still was fluffed up, and he was trying to make himself as big as possible. Even if he had dad's genes and was much larger than her.

 Slowly his head raised. Deep down this felt wrong. To yell at her, but rightfully he wasn't sunshine and rainbows. Sure he was a bit dumb, but the thoughts he's had for so long? How he's had to deal with how he felt? They were meant to be inseparable. Yet she separated them. She did. Not him. He wanted them to be together. He could've been a cool uncle! Or if she didn't have kids he still would've been the protective brother in law.

 Every little thing that could have been didn't matter to him at this point. It all had flooded away when he was sure. He couldn't bring himself to be happy, nor could he bring himself to be sad. The emotions came on their own. Unbridled rage.

 He let silence flood the conversation for a moment before he continued. "We both can't be hallucinations. So my brain either is playing tricks on me, or we both as sitting right here looking at each other." His bright, pale orange eyes narrowed in her direction. Almost attempting to will her to disappear. He wanted her to disappear again. Then he could prolong maybe another year attempting to find her. He could try and think of what he could say then.
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"Okay this is fucking real isn't it."

He sounds so angry, Piper can't help but flinch. As he fluffs up, trying to appear larger, she does the very opposite. Her fur flattens against her lean form and her ears pull back and down. She backs away a few steps, deeper into the shadows. The horrible twisting fire of culpability within her grows to an inferno in the face of his rightful rage--and that's the worst part, isn't it? Not that he's mad at her, but that she knows he's right to be mad at her. 

SHE had been the one to leave, and for a stupid, stupid reason. For love? Internally she gives a bitter chuckle. She and Eve had not been in love. Piper had been obsessed, and Eve had taken advantage of her. All she had been to Eve was bait. And bait for what? A monster, who hadn't even hesitated before taking Piper's life and probably Eve's too. 

Piper had torn their family apart. Selfishly.

And now Dipper may never forgive her.

This knowledge cuts deeper than any clutch of teeth around her throat. 

"We both can't be hallucinations. So my brain either is playing tricks on me, or we both as sitting right here looking at each other."

Piper wishes she could disappear. Maybe a hole will open up in the ground and swallow her, and she won't have to face this awful reality. Maybe she'll die again, and have another lifetime to think of an adequate apology. He probably thinks she was kidnapped! Or worse! And all she had been doing was traipsing around the world, blindly following someone who was practically a stranger. 

She's never felt so low before. 

". . .and what if this is real? What then?"

Her voice is hollow. What else is there to say? I'm sorry? 

No. Sorry couldn't begin to encompass the all-consuming regret Piper feels at this moment. Every muscle is tense and poised with it--every hair on her body seems to vibrate with it--every emotion she feels right now is dulled by it.

And it's. Her. Fault.
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 He couldn't help but look at her with a thousand yard stare. He was looking directly at her, but not at her. As if deep in his mind he was avoiding her existence. She didn't exist to his subconscious. She hasn't existed for a while. At least not the form in front of him. His subconscious still believes the old her is alive. Somewhere. The old her that wouldn't dare leave him behind unless he sent her off on some silly little adventure. A fruitless one, but it gave him a peace of mind for a bit.

 How foolish was he.

 Younger him would've gave anything to have his free little alone time. Time away from her was time to do whatever he wanted. He didn't have to cater to her plans... Her plans? They were his in the end. She just took them in directions nobody would think of. That was the Piper he knew.

 Not the teenager before him that's standing there as if he's a horse kicking her in the face. Or maybe to her he's a bear trying to face her off. A bear who wants to tear her apart like a slab of meat. He wouldn't do that, but he doesn't know what she'd think. He doesn't know anything about her. He doesn't know her favorite color, or her favorite animal. He doesn't know her favorite place, or her favorite rock. How much has changed? He can't even be sure of her personality.

 Even with the unsure rambles in his mind, one thing echoed across his thoughts. It hit every little corner of his brain. Still with the questions Cassian had told him to remain respectful in the face of an opposing party, so that's just what he'll do. "I'd have to berate you with questions." He answered her statement, a roughness to his words.

 As he waited for her response he had to think over every other question of his. He'd compiled them over the months, but he never thought he'd be able to use them. Not like this either.
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Dipper looks at Piper as if he doesn't know her anymore.

She supposes that's true. They've both changed. With a start, she realizes she doesn't really know him anymore either. She couldn't tell you who he is, anymore--this idea of him inside her mind, the one she had been searching for, is just that: an idea. A fantasy. She had been looking for Dipper, the excitable pup, and not Dipper, the changed person.

And now that she's here, standing in front of Dipper, the changed person, she isn't sure how to react. 

He wouldn't hurt her--she knows this, or at least she's pretty sure of it. And while she isn't scared of him, she is scared of herself. What if she screws this up like she'd screwed up all those months ago? What if this time she messes everything up for good and makes it so there's no chance he'll ever forgive her? 

Maybe it would be best if he didn't forgive her. She doesn't deserve his forgiveness, not after all she's done. Not after she abandoned him.

She doesn't even forgive herself. How could he?

So she steps another step backwards. Behind her is an empty dungeon cell, and to either of her sides are long hallways that stretch out as far as the eye can see. If she messes this up, she'll run. That's all she's good for, in the end, after all. Running from people.

"I'd have to berate you with questions."

He speaks flatly, like she's just a stranger. And that hurts more than even the anger.

"I'd answer them," she says, and her tone is honest, and a little pleading, like she wants to erase all the months before, like she wishes they were pups again so she could redo the past, "I'd answer them all."

She would. If he asked, she would tell him everything. And then she would ask her own questions. But maybe he doesn't want to know--maybe he just hates her. Even the bonds of family will snap under enough pressure.
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 Dipper just stared at her with a blankness to his eyes. There wasn't anything behind his expression. He honestly was just... twisted. He felt twisted inside. As before, everything in his mind had gone with the wind that whistled above them on the upper levels.

 He had nothing.

 "Seriously?" Somehow her lack of expansion on her answer gave him just the excuse to get annoyed. He didn't want to be upset, in fact he wanted anything but. Yet he still did. It bubbled up on his skin like blisters. He couldn't pop it unless he wanted a big wound. And that's exactly what he wanted.

 His head craned back subconsciously as he chuffed at her. His head was moving back into his fluff at this point. It weaved up around his head, twisting the matts in it.

 The fur on his body had crystalized itself with the snow of the tundra. Although he hardly spent time outside of the castle whenever he did it shimmered with snow. Sure it was nice, but not at times like these. Not when Dipper wanted nothing more than to decapitate himself in his own fur.

 A small grumble escaped his maw. "Is that really all you have to say right now? You're not even going to try and answer questions before I ask them?"

 He was acting like a big child right now. Like a toddler who was just informed they would not be getting their favorite food for dinner. He sounded cranky, but even then anger still hid itself in the gaps of his words. It wasn't harsh anger, but more so the anger that makes you want to curl up and cry.

 Dipper was avoiding eye contact with his sister at this point. His gaze wondered anywhere but her. The closest it got was to the wall just right beside her.

 His tail curled up at his flanks at this point, swishing back and forth. He was mentally grounding himself with this. He needed something familiar in this moment, and the anxious habits he'd gathered over his time alone were shining through. The avoiding of eye contact and the incessant sway of his tail. Despite his somewhat angry tone it was obvious anxiety flooded his body.
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"Seriously?"

The way he looks at her, so blankly. . .it's foreign, and strange, and so unlike the Dipper she used to know; Piper's ears pull even flatter, if that's even possible. Despite the chill, her skin burns. She knows this is her fault. And what's she supposed to say? She ran off--deserted Dipper, and their father--so she could be with a girl? She knows exactly how telling him that will go over.

His head snakes back and forth; hers hangs low, with shame and self-disgust. For the thousandth time, she asks herself how she could have possibly left. And for Eve, of all wolves! 

She would never admit it, but even if Eve hadn't come along, Piper would have found some excuse to leave. She'd always craved adventure, and Abram, peaceful and powerful--well, they couldn't provide the thrill she sought. So, one way or another, she would have left. Eve just gave her an excuse. . .one she could use to justify her disappearance. 

"Is that really all you have to say right now? You're not even going to try and answer questions before I ask them?"
 
Well, she would, but again. . .what is there to say? She had planned to tell him everything--explain everything--but now that
she's really here, face to face with the wolf she's missed for so long, she finds herself faltering. The words catch in her throat, sticky as spider webs clotting an old log. 

"I. . .w-well. . ." Piper stumbles over the words, and they seem tough and clunky as week-old meat on her tongue, "I-I should never have left." 

She's avoiding answering the ultimate question, the one that hangs low and heavy as fog over the two: where were you? Because honestly, every time she thinks about the answer she cringes internally. I ran off with my girlfriend, who I didn't tell you about, and we looked for her family. . .but her family turned out to be awful, and now I'm dead. There's more to it than that, of course, but. . .but that's what she would have to say. And he doesn't deserve an answer like that one. 

Piper could fabricate the story easily enough. Say that Eve kidnapped her, and forced her away.

But that would be a lie. And after all the lies she's told Dipper already, she can't even bear the idea of telling him another.

Besides (and she knows this, deep inside), even if it would have spared her the awkward horrible discomfort of this moment, Piper wouldn't trade her time with Eve for the world. She had seen so much, and learned so much, and met so many wolves. And every moment she and Eve had been in love. . .those memories glow. 

So, though she will forever hate herself for leaving Dipper behind, the cozy sedentary life they had led was never for her.
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 That somehow upset Dipper even more. Sure he was already a little pissed off, but to him that was just the good ol' icing on top.

 Has she lost her mind? She wasn't able to explain herself. He at least wanted an excuse. Even a lie would have worked for him. Dipper just needed something. In this moment his half ass attempt at grounding himself really was not working because his mind was trying to put out every fire up there, but it just kept burning everything.

 His posture shifted once more. He slightly padded his feet against the stone below, making a soft click click as his nails collided and weathered themselves even shorter than before. From how much stone Dipper had been walking on the past couple of weeks his nails hardly hit the ground, and they only did so when he stomped extra hard.

 "You think?" He spoke, his muzzle bunching itself up ever so slightly as the words left his lips.

 Dipper let no seconds go to waste as he continued. "Don't give me that - 'I never should have left'. Yeah! Don't you think that was a stupid mistake? Without saying anything?" Dipper spat his words forward, finally locking eyes with her. He was just done. He was so done. He couldn't stop himself from continuing anyways, biting his words out at her.

 "What else should you have done? Told us you were going, at least sent messenger birds out to Abram to send us your pity?"

 "There's so much. So much you could have done better. And for what? What's your excuse? Why? What's the reason you couldn't have even wasted a second, yet you left some... some stupid rock?" The rock was far from stupid. He just needed something to add an insult to injury. Hell the rock even went with him. In death he couldn't escape that damn thing. It hovered over all of his thoughts like a scar. A wound that was unable to heal itself correctly.

 His gaze was narrowed, very obviously targeted. At this point if something was to sneak up on him he wouldn't know. His mind was only on one thing.

 His sister.

 The sister who was meant to be inseparable from him. For what? Just to leave without hesitation? She obviously thought of him before she left. Why didn't that stop her.

 "I want answers. Not half assed responses." He growled his phrase out, his tail lashing a few more times behind him. Like a cow who wanted this pesky fly to get away at any and all costs. It was a nuisance, yet the cow wouldn't be able to live without the nuisance. No matter how far it got away the nuisance would find it and remind the cow of everything related to it. A bad memory that wants anything and everything to do with the host.
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You know what? Fine! He wants to be mad? She can be mad too! If there's one thing Eve has taught her, it's that she doesn't need to be a wallflower anymore. She doesn't have to be everyone's friend! And even if her status with Dipper is . . .complicated, he doesn't get to yell at her like that! Sure, Piper made a mistake. But everyone makes mistakes! And it's not like she had even been gone that long. . .they're still just teenagers, for stars' sake!

Had he even considered that maybe her life doesn't revolve around him? They're FAMILY, sure, but that doesn't mean she's CHAINED to him for all eternity! 

"I want answers. Not half assed responses."

So her rock was STUPID, huh? That bruises. Piper can practically feel her heart breaking--but fine! He wants to play it this way. She'll damn well play too. 

"My life doesn't revolve around you!" Piper's words are harsh. . .designed to hurt. Eve had taught her how to hurt. "Maybe I just didn't want to be held back any longer! Maybe I was done going along with your stupid missions, never doing anything for myself!"

And as much as her words are designed to hurt Dipper, they cut Piper just as deep. She feels like she's bleeding, and all the love she had preserved within her for her brother is drip-drip-dripping from her veins onto the filthy dungeon floor. No amount of clotting could stop this flow.

"Maybe I wanted to see the world!"  Piper rarely raises her voice out of vitriol--but now, as she does, she finds it oddly gratifying. Right now she doesn't have to feel remorse or guilt or. . .or grief for the life they used to have! No, she can shove that all down and only feel a sort of wrath she has no right to possess! "And maybe," and here comes the final push, "I wanted to do it with someone else."

Where did this new Piper come from? This one built not of kindness, not of empathy, nor fluff--but carved from a long repressed place of loathing. Loathing not truly meant for Dipper but for herself. 

And really, all she's saying is false. She had not had a burning desire to explore, and she had not particularly wanted to leave her family. She had left for Eve.

Her pale eyes betray her unsteady resolve as she stares at her brother, her ears no longer flat but erect and forward-facing, her fur prickling with defiance. He has no right! No right to demand of her what she's long run away from! No right to act like. . .like. . .like a hunting tiger, and presume that Piper will be prey! 

"Did you want me to apologize? For what? No apology would ever be good enough!" 

Now she sounds like she's grasping at straws. But if it's windmills she must fight, it's windmills she will battle! Piper won't be prey any longer. She'll act nice--play dumb--traipse around everyone's sensibilities as if she's still a naive little child. 

She isn't. 

Eve had taught her the price of naivety.
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 What. The. Fuck.

 Was she out of her mind? That's what it seemed like to him. Some screws were loose up in her brain causing her to lose rationality. Sure she'd always been a little odd, but not like this.

 After staring at her dumbfounded he finally caught his mind. He decided to suddenly ask the question, "were you kidnapped?" he blurted the words out of his mouth, allowing them to hang across the air between them for a few moments. What was most surprising was that it was entirely genuine. His words were laced with concern, because to him that seemed like the only logical explanation in this moment. What was it called? Stockholm syndrome?

 "Either that or you're trying to pull my tail from its socket. And by the gods? It sure is working."

 He honestly couldn't believe a single part of what she said. Maybe she was yelling out stupid things because she was upset too. That's got to be it. She wouldn't betray him anymore than she already has, right? She's still the same Piper deep down. Maybe she's just yelling so she doesn't cry from happiness. Because that's what he's doing.

 He decided to voice his previous concern. Expand on it a bit. Otherwise it would just seem like some utterly stupid opinion.

 "That really would be the only thing to explain this." He started a long rant, not leaving any space between his words for her to butt in. "I mean, come on. They brainwashed you, didn't they, Pip?" Good ol' nicknames. That ought to do something. That should get her on his side. Not the side of... whoever took her. "It was that loner, wasn't it? What did he do to you? Did he take you in his spire and make you believe that he's the only thing important to you? Did he get you killed?" 

 That was as much as Dipper knew. All he knew is that she was gone within a single night and she left a rock. And the smell of a loner. A loner had been on Abram grounds and the worst thing? Nobody believed him. All those big burly wolves just scoffed and turned a heel as soon as he suggested such vile things. 'A loner wouldn't be that deep within Abram grounds! One of the guards would've seen them by now.' Every. Single. Time. Father stopped him when he tried to follow the scent too. He didn't want him leaving his side. He didn't want to lose another child. First their eldest, then Piper. Now him. Maybe he should've thought things through. He should've realized what damage he would do. Yet he sure as hell isn't the first.
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"It was that loner, wasn't it? What did he do to you? Did he take you in his spire and make you believe that he's the only thing important to you? Did he get you killed?" 

Brainwashed? Kidnapped? He?

It's like he had never really known her at all! Really! Piper is FAR too intelligent to be kidnapped. Or brainwashed! And there's no way she would ever (and here she shudders) let some strange dude take her away in the middle of the night! She isn't crazy!

Eve had been different! She isn't a guy, first of all; and she had been so nice and cheerful, and she had NICELY wheedled Piper away. It had taken a while--a lot of secret meetings and a couple weird plant tastings--but. . .Eve had just been so nice! Very, very. . .what's another word for "nice"? Gracious.

Now that she thinks about it, she can't really think of any word to describe Eve besides "nice". What else had Eve been to her? Just. . .nice. And occasionally very mean, but only sometimes. And EVERYONE is mean sometimes, right? Right? Probably. 

Piper doesn't think about the scars hidden under her thick fur.

"I wasn't kidnapped!" Piper says, indignant, and then, realizing that's probably what a kidnappee would say, she adds, "And definitely not by a HIM! SHE wasn't a kidnapper! Or a brainwasher! And. . .and I didn't die because of her! It was, uh, a side effect!"

A side effect! Definitely! For sure. It's not like dying is that big a deal, anyways. I mean. She's alive now, right? Yeah. 

"Come on, Dip," Piper's tone is one of disbelief, "I wouldn't leave you unless it was for something IMPORTANT! More important than a kidnapping! I had a MISSION!"

Well, Eve had a mission. And Eve had told her that NOBODY could know about it. Only Piper. Because, as Eve had explained, Piper's special. Uniquely suited for family-finding. Piper had meant to tell Dipper all about it, but. . .but then Eve had said that especially Dipper couldn't know, because Dipper would stop her from leaving. 

Maybe, deep down, she knows that Dipper should have stopped her. 

But. . .

She had no choice, did she? If Piper and Eve hadn't found Eve's family, something terrible would have happened.
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 Honestly? Her words only further insinuated the idea that she had been kidnapped. All of his previous thoughts about what had happened? This only proved them much more than before. The only difference was it was a lady instead of a guy. That doesn't change anything, really. I mean come on. He's far from sexist.

 "A mission?" The words dropped like stones from his mouth. As if it was a very vile and left a bad taste in his mouth. Which they did. They were disgusting to him, really. He'd sent her on missions before. Easily, in fact. These missions meant nothing and most of the time they were actually really dangerous. Yet not so dangerous as to be killed. Admittedly this was a bit of manipulation of her on his part. If she was just so easily manipulated by her own brother into doing less morally correct tasks, what had this wolf made her do?

 "You know I'm not believing a single part of that right?" He answered blatantly. It's best to be honest in this situation. What else could he do? Maybe this'll teach her a lesson. A lesson not to try and leave him again and a lesson to actually not trust stupid loners.

 He chuffed a little, rolling his fluff on his shoulders around. "Piper.... you know you believe anything?" He was trying his damn hardest not to sound rude right now, but it almost came out twice as bad. "Piper she tricked you. I know you more than her. She probably came and presented some big fantasy of yours. An opportunity of your dreams that you just couldn't deny. So you took her up on that deal and it got you killed in the end."

 Dipper offered no question of confirmation. Knowing her he was right on target. Sure he was a bit clueless but he knew his sister more than anything. At least... he thought he did.

 "You were fooled." He frowned in her direction. His expression of vague anger just shifted back into a sense of pity for his sister. Now he was just starting to blame himself for this. He let her get fooled by someone she barely knew, and he didn't figure it out until it was too late.
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 "Piper she tricked you. I know you more than her. She probably came and presented some big fantasy of yours. An opportunity of your dreams that you just couldn't deny. So you took her up on that deal and it got you killed in the end."

No way! Piper isn't gullible enough to be FOOLED. She wasn't then and she certainly isn't now! Glaring at Dipper, her expression more wounded than angry, she backs farther away into the dungeon debris. Stones clatter to the ground and bounce away, but the noise is irrelevant. Piper's CLEVER! She wouldn't have gone along with Eve's plan if it was false! Never mind that the whole scheme was entirely ludicrous and completely pointless from the get-go. 

"I wasn't fooled! I'm not stupid!" Piper snaps, and there's more bite to her tone now than there has ever been before, "You were always sending me away on fake missions! I know this one was REAL! And. . .and I didn't even die on purpose! It was by accident! My friend wasn't even THERE!"

Her tail snakes back and forth in an agitated manner. Possibly this is the most genuinely upset Piper's ever been. How could Dipper come and accuse her of being kidnapped and brainwashed and. . .and what else? She doesn't really even know what point she's trying to make anymore, but there is definitely a very valid point being made! It's not at all that she just doesn't want to talk about Eve because the whole situation makes her feel dumb and juvenile and gullible and inadequate. Nope! And she's DEFINITELY not fighting Dipper because she knows he's right. Not at all!

"And it was someone else who killed me, not this person! She was only my age! How could someone OUR AGE possibly be a FOOLER?" Piper knows she sounds borderline manic now, but she can't bring herself to care. 

"It doesn't even matter, anyway! We're back together now! Why should we worry about the past?"

Finally! There it is! The valid point! Or at least, it's valid enough. Never mind that it's completely irrelevant to their current discussion.
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 The change in topic was very forced. She was running away from her problems. A problem that needed to be discussed. Sure Dipper was very stubborn, but this? He knew he was right. There was no denying it at this point, and he could tell she knew it. Not only was she avoiding the answer by just reiterating what he said, she was avoiding the answers by just attempting to change the topic entirely. To just shove it under a log and forget about it until the mold spreads. No. He's not doing that.

 "It does matter Piper. If you're so ignorant right now you'll be ignorant in the future. Sure my missions were harmless, but I wasn't there with you on them either. I knew only the stupidest person could just get killed on them, and that happened with you." At this point he was honestly blatantly calling her stupid. He didn't care how much his words hurt at this point. He just needed to get it into her mind. "I'm not forgetting about this. Do you know how much I wanted to find you? I wanted to find you so badly, yet you didn't want to be found. You tore us apart. You know the alpha was even upset too, right? Sure you were a stick lodged in his butt at times, but you leaving for some stupid thing only to die just makes the effects you had on us all more meaningless. You want to forget about it? Go right ahead. I'm going to try and figure out how to get back to Abram to tell them of what you did. Even if it means that I have to find a way to die a thousand times over just to live again."

 He came out of this monologue with a growl to his words. It was obvious he was done. "Cut the bullshit Piper before I just turn and walk away." He was really at that point. His feet twitched slightly in their sockets, anxious to start moving.

 She tore him apart, why can't he do the same to her? She's got to learn her actions have consequences, and its obvious whatever 'mission' she was on didn't teach her that. It didn't teach her anything. So now he'll teach her. He'll tell her every little detail that's her fault. Everything that she did wrong. And you know what? He's not going to feel bad about it.
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Here's the thing: somewhere under an indignant wall built of indignation, Piper knows he's right. She knows she was stupid and careless and ignorant and reckless and, above all, really fucking selfish.

But what the hell is she supposed to do about it? Months ago, she'd made her choice. And she can't very well turn back time, can she? Of course not. Piper's ears pull back with a combination of shame and frustration. Can't he see? She just wants to go back to normal. Back to the blissful ignorance of their childhood. And above all, she wants him to just understand--she loves him, and she really fucking hates herself for leaving.

But Piper with her pride and chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome and regrets. . .clumsiness has always been one of her greatest faults, not least of all reduced when she's speaking. 

"Then tell them!" she practically snarls, "Tell them everything I've done wrong! Tell them I abandoned them for some frivolous ideal! Tell them I left behind my family for a fucking stranger! See if that will change anything!" 

Piper raises her voice to match his. And inside, she's breaking. She hates herself even more for saying all of this--why can't she just make herself shut up? Her jaws itch to close, and she snaps off the last syllable of anything as if shutting her jaws as fast as possible will kill the stream of words she can't ever take back. Her wide-stretched eyes betray a kind of horror. 

"I'm sorry," she says quickly, too quickly, "I didn't mean it like that. I meant. . ." what did she mean? Was there even a point? Is there even a point? Dipper looks like he's about to storm off. Maybe he will. Maybe it's for the better that he does. What good has Piper done him, after all? She's broken his heart, and she hasn't even come close to mending it. On the contrary, she thinks she's ruined him just a little more. This isn't the Dipper she remembers. 

This is someone else. And it's Piper's fault he changed. 

"I don't know what I meant." 

And Piper knows it's pathetic, but her voice breaks. Her muscles slump and the fight seems to seep out of her as suddenly as it had come. 

"You should go."

She turns her head to the side. Her voice is little more than a whisper. She feels like a soldier stripped of her colors and marched down the street in surrender--her flag torn, her pride tattered, all her regrets and grievances aired for all to see.

She doesn't deserve Dipper--he should leave, and find a better friend. One who won't abandon him out of stupid naivety.
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 "Of course you don't." Dipper breathed out in response to her outburst. His eyes gently closed momentarily. Yet as his eyes flittered shut he scrunched his face for a moment, easing out the tenseness that made a home within his features. Breathe, just like dad taught you.

 His words held a heavily stained truth. She never knew what she meant. She was foolish and she had hardly matured past the point when she left. Sure maybe she was a little more emotionally bold than she was before, but nothing else changed. She was the same old Piper who didn't think before she opened her lips to let out a waterfall of words. Nonsense that Dipper himself struggled to fully comprehend sometimes.

 "I hope you change, Piper." His eyes still were closed shut. He was staring straight at the inside of his eyelids at this point, hoping it would fade into a familiar forest.

 Yet no matter how hard he hoped, it wouldn't.

 So he just had to open his eyes right back up.

 He flared his nostrils silently, taking in breaths to find his voice once more. "I'm disappointed. At first I was just angry but... I'm really disappointed in you, Pip." As much as he wanted his sister back he wanted a sister who realized that things had to change before they were okay again. He wanted to move past what happened, he really did, but that could only happen after they both accepted that what happened happened, and that it can't happen again.

 And that was about it. He didn't quite know what else to say. He'd touched every part of his thoughts. He'd made a complete switch, but it was mostly her cooling down that reflected back on him.

 He wasn't going to fight when the fire was dwindling down into just sparks. Sparks that were the last hurrah at anything.

 Dipper stared forward at her, finally staring straight at her. "I am going to go. I don't see a purpose in staying here with you in the middle of some musty room where animals have probably died before." He looked at the ground with a sense of disgust. He did so for a split moment while his tail gave a harsh flick at his flanks. Then he turned back to her. "Don't follow me. I know you won't, but I know you'll think about it. So just don't."

 That was something he always knew that she would probably carry with her. That she can't take no as an answer.

 With that Dipper whispered a small "goodbye" to his sister. He didn't feel like he needed to say anything else. He wasn't the one who needed to apologize, and he would be doing just that. All he needed now was to turn his butt around and walk back up those stairs.

 The trek up was harder than it had been going down. This time his heart was filled with a pinging ache that he just couldn't help but try and push away. He can deal with that later, but for now he just wants to be as far away from this stupid castle as possible.
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Dipper leaves.

Piper watches him go.

The world seems to shatter.

She hadn't really thought he'd do it. She had thought that they would make up, the way they always used to. But. . .Piper's wrong, and now she's standing here alone, and the air suddenly seems too cold. She waits until she can't hear him anymore, and then--

Then she breaks down. 

Tears run down her muzzle and down her chest and down, down, down onto the ground, where they freeze; Piper's legs buckle beneath her; she finds herself a broken mess on the filthy stone ground. Her fur grows heavy with dust, and her tears soak through her fur, and she's never felt so cold.

Dipper's words ring through her buzzing, numb, empty head-- "I hope you change, Piper."

"So do I," she whispers, the sound broken by horrible sobbing hiccups, but of course there is nobody around to hear her pleading. There's never anyone around, anymore, and it's a silence Piper created for herself. She puts on this act of bravado. . .she pretends to have friends. . .she acts like she isn't completely alone. But in these moments, where her body seems to wash away and she's left half drowned on a foreign shore--

Piper has never felt so completely hollow.

And she has never regretted so much. Eve had been a mistake, and Dipper had been her one true friend, and she had lost them both because of her own stupid selfish horrible. . .self. This is her fault. It's all her fault. 

And it'll happen again, and again, to anyone she ever meets. 

Distantly, Piper realizes that she's standing. Fuzzily--her vision wavering--she staggers out of the dungeon, through the castle, out of the castle. Into the snow. It's begun falling again, the snow. 

Dipper is long gone.

Piper keeps walking. Practically limping. Her muscles buzz. Her limbs feel weak. 

Piper keeps walking.
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