In the light of the gods

Of all his siblings, @Dimitri had shown the most interest in learning about the Five, and she decided it was time he had his first formal lessons. They would start small, learning simple prayers and demonstrating faith in times of uncertainty and stress. He was eager to learn, and even at his young age, seemed the most ready to begin.

She had taken him to the lake's edge. It was cloudy today, grey clouds blotting out the sun as they sprawled languidly across the sky, giving the water a drab look - but she was grateful for the cool wind that signaled the turning of the season. They enjoyed many sunny days in their home, but summer could be unpleasant for a wolf more suited to snow.

“Today we will talk about the gods,” she began, taking a seat next to the small pup. “You know they exist -” she then switched to her native tongue suddenly, smiling coyly, seeing if she could trip him up, "что они наблюдают за нами и защищают нас, вдохнули жизнь в наши формы." — That they watch over and protect us, breathed life into our forms.

He was a clever child, and had already begun to pick up Russian from her, but it was important to keep him fresh.

“Do you know how to pray? It is not difficult. Simply close your eyes, and think very sincerely, and very respectfully. It can be spoken aloud or whispered in your mind - but go ahead. Let me hear you.”

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It's fortunate that Dimitri is such a quick learner. It seems his mother wants to test him, and while he's proven to be bright, suddenly the crushing imposter syndrome kicks in. That when she looks at him this way, perhaps it's because he's not good enough. He has to prove that he's proper, that his existence isn't a mistake, and it terrifies him. "Данная жизнь - это дар." — The life given is a gift. He pronounces each word carefully, because to get it wrong-- would she hate him for it?

She certainly would. The only good thing about him is his intelligence, he knows. Everything else about him is... horrendous. And so he must keep up that mind of his, because if he loses it...

"I pray daily," he says, and it's true. He needs it for his structure, because otherwise he starts to grow irritated and antsy. But to pray in front of his mother, well, he's not sure. Would she judge him for what he prays over? He glances skyward, paces a few steps, and then sits. "I ah. Обычно не вслух. — Not aloud, usually."

But he will try. He trembles slightly and clears his throat. "I ask the Five for an ear... For just a moment of their time, um, if the great Five can spare it. Please bless my family. I don't want my mother to be kidnapped again. And make me strong enough to stop everyone from facing their certain deaths. And please make all the birds look somewhere else."
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His Russian was coming along very nicely. She marveled at the boy, all spindly legs and wide, eager eyes, and she felt her heart clench. Valeska loved all her children equally, of course - every single pup was her pride and joy for various reasons, though she did find herself struggling a bit harder to find more of the good kind with @Violet - but oh, how little Dimitri quelled the troubles of her day. He was the only one of her offspring who actually wanted to meditate by the lake with her, who actively sought her out with questions regarding gods and fate and the afterlife.

It was just... nice to have someone she could truly share her interests with.

“Very well done, my heartsong,” she praised, giving him an affectionate nuzzle. “Just between us, but your Aunt Harper had something of a lisp all the way up until she was a yearling - это сделало ее доступной! — it made her approachable”

Valeska giggled lightly, ruffling the fur on top of his head. Dimitri always seemed so concerned, it worried her a little that he wasn't truly enjoying being a child - but it was difficult to justify dodging his endless barrage of questions and constant desire to help out around the pack. Perhaps it made him feel happy; useful.

The boy did as he was bade and recited a prayer in his very precise monotone, still laced with the high, childlike tones denoting his youth. How sweet and practical he was; she often uttered similar prayers, though often flavored with a few more pleas for forgiveness regarding her foul language.

Motherhood, although beautiful, tested even the most resilient souls.

"Я молюсь о многих одинаковых вещах," — I pray for a lot of the same things she said reassuringly, pressing her side against him to still his trembling form. “My little sunbeam, you worry so much. I do not judge you, nor do the Five. I have prayed for all manner of absurd things; I once prayed for a blue caribou to fall out of the sky in front of me, just to see if they would humor me - but some things are not meant for us to have.”

She paused for a moment, thinking, then looked down into his shimmering amethyst eyes.

“What do you desire most? Anything, anything at all. And no cheating, do not tell me something you think I want to hear!”

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The world is so large and frightening and he must know anything. The questions are unbearable. And yet the Five are an elusive topic, one that torments him and yet soothes him. It gives him some structure, to be able to know something more powerful than him is guiding his hand. He takes his mother's affection, knowing he's done well. He's doing good. But she wants to know his true feelings, and he hesitates after that.

What if those are wrong?

But he's honest anyway because lying to his mother is hard. He squirms in place, pulling his tail in around his feet. "I want Violet to be nice to everyone," he says. "I... also want a friend. A real friend. Someone my age." Narcissa and Alder are nice, but they're not truly close to him. He gets the feeling they pity him. But perhaps, if he prays for it, they could become his friends. Or perhaps... "Do you think Aunt Harper's kids will be my friends? When they're big enough to talk, at least?"
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Dimitri meant so well, she felt a pang of sympathy for the little silver child. Even with full permission from a loving mother, he faltered, eyes darting nervously as if he were about to commit a crime by voicing his own wants and desires; he truly lived for others, and Valeska felt awful for it. She didn't think she was a bad parent, but he was certainly making her question things.

At last, he mustered up the courage to speak, and what came out... made her heart sink.

Her little boy, alone in a world he created by himself. The silver wolf felt her eyes well with tears but she ferociously blinked them back, refusing to allow her son to see her weep - he would try to comfort her, and that wasn't what she wanted.

Humming lightly, she extended a paw to draw him closer, pressing his small, thin body against her own in a loving embrace.

“Oh, my heart,” she said with a sigh, holding him tight, “You will have so many friends, I am certain. Especially in your cousins, I cannot see a world where they would not love you!”

Releasing him, she smiled. “As for Violet, we must continue to pray for her. I fear only the Five can sway a soul of such a... fiery nature, and she is beyond mortal means.”

As much as the truth pained her - she could see no other way. Time-out didn't work, firm smacks to the bottom only made her angrier, and taking away privileges was a lesson in futility. Short of turning her out into the wilds to fend for herself, they were out of options.

“I prayed for love, myself. Yes, your Mama has always been a hopeless romantic - I once loved a man with eyes of glittering ice, but it was not strong, not deep in the way that my love for your Mother is,” she said wistfully, thinking fondly of her and Amaranth's early days together, simply basking in each other's warmth as friends. “The gods do listen. They hear the song of our hearts, and it is their will that we should be happy; you will have many friends over the course of your life, my beautiful, worthy son.”

Valeska took in the way Dimitri observed her with such large, hopeful eyes, and she wished she could give him everything.

“Continue to pray, my love. I must ask, though, do you not get along with your siblings?”

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It's hard to explain. It's not that he hates Narcissa and Alder, but there's something that makes them all different that he doesn't... feel fully connected to them. Violet is out of the question. And looking at Sreda, he sees what could happen if he let the monsters inside into the outside. He will be ostracized like her, and then everything he works for will be gone. Perhaps the cost of being loved by adults has cost him the love of his siblings. He can't change, though, because they'd see it coming from a mile away.

He leans into Valeska and takes a while to pull away when she releases him. "I pray every day for Violet," he admits. "I do the rituals in hopes that she'll see and learn. I... I don't have friends my age, but I have you and Harper and Mordecai and Мать. But she... She won't have anyone if she continues like this." And that seems like the loneliest thing in the world. Because sure, Dimitri feels isolated and lonely. But he at least has adults that love him.

He shifts in place. He can't avoid the question of his siblings forever, but he supposes just this once, a lie will work. "Anyway, siblings aren't the same as friends." It's easier to put it that way. Easier to explain that the monsters inside of him keep others away. And honestly, even if he meets someone not related to him, there's no promise that he won't turn out to drive them away. "I have... adult friends. Mordi likes me. Aunt Harper loves me. But I... want to meet more kids."
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The amount of empathy he displayed even as a child startled her. How could he worry so deeply for Violet, when she had nothing but fire and vitriol for all who came across her path? Valeska loved her dearly, but she wasn't blind; her haughty child was every bit the picture of trouble, running her mouth off when it could easily get her hurt or, gods forbid, something worse.

“I am sure the Five are listening to your prayers for her - however, remember: one may lead an elk to water, but one cannot make it drink,” she said sagely, recalling a quip of her father's. Ironic, considering that in the end he had been the metaphorical elk who refused to drink. “I am glad you try to intervene with the gods on her behalf, but it is not your duty to save her. She must come to the light on her own, though I am certain through your heartfelt prayers that Houtu and the rest of the Pentacle will strive ever harder to help make her see.”

Valeska also held a sneaking suspicion that Violet would not end up alone by any means. She was very, very good at rallying others to her cause - what was the word, 'manipulative' - and seemed to have no issues being by herself anyway. Violet was the sort of wolf who, through sheer force of will and personality, could probably raise an army overnight.

The thought was terrifying.

“It is normal that you have these desires,” she reassured him lovingly. “Perhaps the gods will bring such a child to our doorstep one of these days. Houtu delivered us Aulis, though we have been so far unsuccessful in returning him to the heavenly realm, gods bless his celestial soul, amen.”

He had been a unique case.

She nuzzled the boy again, wishing she had more words of comfort to offer. They were absolutely drowning in pups, but he wasn't wrong - siblings weren't the same as proper friends. Particularly during fights, too much familiarity can lead to a no-holds-barred knockdown of a scuffle, whereas unrelated 'friends' usually forced an unspoken degree of politeness.
You would never go too far with someone not bound by blood.

But she could absolutely attest to herself and Aunt Harper kicking the shit out of each other over minor disagreements.

“Amaranth is very well-versed in matters of the gods. She has... what is it called... innate knowledge of spirits, instinctual, as it were. Perhaps she can offer you more guidance in the ways of the soul than even I. Have you approached her?”

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He hadn't much interactions with Aulis, he realizes as he thinks on the reality of his pack. There were many he didn't know personally, and lessons like this simply ate up that time. But he wouldn't give up his lessons. He wanted to learn, to truly be strong in the Five. He wanted to have their guidance, so that perhaps their light could wipe out the darkness within him. He wouldn't tell his Mother that, though, because she would worry. Or perhaps, worse, she would hate him. She would see him as a disappointment the way Violet is.

"I won't stop praying for her," he says softly, knowing that perhaps it was selfish to do so. But most of his motivation was so she would stop being so mean to him personally. He doesn't know why she hates him so. He leans into his mother's touch, and sighs softly. "I know it's asking a lot. But the Five brought you back safely, so... They at least listen to me sometimes."

Surely they'll deliver him a friend, then.

But his thoughts turn to his golden mother. "I... Have not spoken to her about it," he says bashfully. "I didn't know she knew a lot. What should I say when I ask her? I want to learn all she knows, too."
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As Dimitri pressed ever closer into her pale coat, she wondered for a moment if this was how her own mother had felt when offering her warm embrace all those years ago. She and Harper shared only one parent, and the unfortunate pair had been unceremoniously banished from their mountain home through the gravest misunderstanding of their lives. The little wolf had grieved her mother and surviving sibling's absence for many moons, not knowing if they had perished - it was at the height of winter's fury that they were cast out, and a single mother raising her pup was hard enough.

Valeska had found Harper eventually, by pure chance - but she never saw their mother again. Harper held that privilege, that honor.
Mother was kind and warm and gentle, with a soft, low voice she would use to sing them to sleep. She was the calm in the storm, the firm paw of discipline and the bubbling laughter of a summer stream.

Only occasionally did Valeska think of her now, but when she did, her heart ached.

Father had been so cruel - so blind.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, she squeezed Dimitri just a little bit closer, pressing the edge of her lips into his soft, silver head. No one had any idea what dark, anxious thoughts swirled within that growing mind, but Valeska loved him ferociously, seeing little glimpses of herself and her siblings as children once more. He meant well, with his whole heart; surely intent was enough.

"Ты всегда слышишь, моя маленькая серебряная звезда," — You are always heard, my little silver star she said with a worried smile, leaning back to give him a meaningful look. “The Five do not suddenly decide to cease listening, nor do they grow tired, or bored. Through them, all things are possible; as you said, they brought me back to you.”

Sometimes the way he carried himself made him seem older beyond his true age, and the High Priestess wondered what burdens lay upon his soul even now. Still - he was allowed his private thoughts and concerns, so long as he always knew he could come to her.

“Oh, Amaranth knows a great deal,” Valeska affirmed, nodding her head for emphasis. “In fact, much of my own spiritual attunement has been achieved through her own guiding paw. Silence does not mean ignorance - she is a wolf of few words, but that is because she sees.”

Dimitri asked then how he might approach his mystic, golden-furred mother, and it took all of her strength not to chuckle. True, Amaranth was intimidating to most, but it was difficult to be frightened by one she had built such a strange little life with over the years.

“Hm...” she mused, trying to think of something pertinent. “Well, when we met, she lay in a pit of sun-bleached bones. Perhaps you might incite her curiosity if you say something that might allude to it - that you wish to walk a similar spiritual path as the one we embarked upon together that very day.” The little wolf cracked a smile. “She is not as scary as she looks. I promise.”

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There is symbolism in bones. They are normally inside, but they could bear such markings that could tell the future, the past, the present even. Dimitri would do well to pay more attention to the bones in his life. Read them, know them, feel them. He would have to approach her about it, and he soaks in his mother's words with some serious consideration. He starts with Violet, though. "The Five choose when to answer, though," he murmurs, "and we choose to hear them. I do hope Violet listens." And perhaps she'd stop being so mean to him all the time.

He is quiet for a moment, as if internalizing the message. "Does she know how to read bones?" It's a foolish question. "I should ask her, instead." He knows her awkwardness around Alder. Will it extend to him? He doesn't know for sure. "I won't tell her you told me about the bones, though. Well. Um. Unless she asks..." It's wrong to lie to your parents.

Though he lies every day, doesn't he?

"Is there anything else I need to know about the Five?"
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He had a point.

The gods did choose when to give their answers, if they had any that would adequately serve the mortal that had prayed for them to begin with - some requests were denied through silence, whether it was a case of unworthiness or asking for the wrong thing. Some were rejected from selfishness, ill intent, or any myriad of less-favorable reasons; Dimitri was right.

It was also the duty of mortals to listen.

“You are correct,” she said, incredibly pleased with his deductive reasoning. The boy was a natural - a true priest in the making. “It is upon us to keep an ear toward the heavens, for the gods do not shout. They do not need to - the Five speak in a quiet voice, sometimes a whisper so faint it is difficult to hear.”

She leaned in, lowering her voice to demonstrate. “For what the gods have to tell us is for our ears alone. Their answers are secrets, whispered in private, and we must take care to listen for their soft tones.”

Dimitri stilled, then, ruminating over the message in his way, lavender eyes gazing out toward the horizon line. She wondered what deep thoughts circulated through his mind, and whether or not she was any aid in quelling his concerns and fears - or if she simply made them worse.

Parenthood was terrifying.

“Read bones?” Valeska responded with a grin. “She herself taught me the skill! I am still not very well-versed, unfortunately, but she has much knowledge regarding the mystic arts.”

Suddenly, she recalled Sreda, skipping up to her in the dim moonlight with a treasured collector's item taken directly from the source.

“Er - but probably do not venture into her den and seek any items yourself. She is very... possessive of her things.”

Dimitri seemed a little hesitant to ask Amaranth directly about their first meeting, but the High Priestess waved it away with a fluffy paw. If anything, the golden woman would likely revel in the tale; she had a tendency to add extra flourish and fancy descriptives.

“No, no. She would love it. She is a secret romantic.”

He looked a little pensive, and hesitated before asking if there was anything else he presently needed to know concerning the Five.

“I think that is all for today,” his mother said gently, giving the boy a fond look. “It is prudent to take lessons slowly so that they, as my family once told me, 'sink'.”

Which didn't make any sense, because sinking generally meant losing yourself or other things, lost to the tides... but alas.

“Come. Let us go for a walk; it is a nice day.”

{Exit Valeska}

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