Our First Kiss Was Under Those Stars...

Vera

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"You should already know,
over and over
Your "Hey give me love" is just asking for something nonexistent
Still, you dare ask that with no sense of shame
This drives me crazy..."

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Vera found herself alone on of the higher peaks. All the climbing was good aerobic exercise to keep her in shape. She had been feeling kinda off lately. Her vision would on occasion go blurry and no matter how she willed it, her muscles seemed to not want to move. She had been trying to work harder and harder to make up for the sickness of the pack she felt so responsible for. It seems her body might now be catching up to her, and Vera was not knowledgeable in healing as she had always been fit when not covered in barbed wire. So in her mind it made sense to work harder even! She just needed to build up some more muscle is all. Then her body will go back to normal. Then the ringing will finally leave her ears.

With a shaky sigh, she looked up into the stars. She had such a clear view from here. ...When was the last time she had stargazed? It had been a favorite pastime of her and her former lover, Olivia. She remembered how she would sneak away into the dangerous night as a pup to watch the stars with her on top of abandon buildings. They would whisper their hopes and dreams to the stars and sometimes they would just ask for tomorrow to be a better day or to have their bellies full. Sometimes she wished for Olivia's happiness. That was where they had confessed their love for each other and where they had their first kiss. The memories of those days, flooded her mind without her consent. All she could think of was the gorgeous cream wolf and her vibrant blue eyes. She was the most beautiful creature on that earth. How she hated and loved her. Fat tears came out of her amber eye while her blind one only slightly watered due to its messed up tear ducts.

It was about to begin, that awful spiral of emotion where all she felt was a sorrowful rage and malicious desire. That festered inside her like a rotting wound that would never heal. Just as it was about to get awful for her psyche, a gorgeous aurora spread through the sky like a royal quilt, and a wolf that can only be described as the heavens itself danced among the stars and auroras. Vera had never seen anything like it. All negativity vanished as she became just thankful for this gorgeous sight.

All too soon the wolf was gone. Was that the mythical slavic god(s), Zorya? Vera shook her head to erase that assumption. She would dare not try to understand the forces beyond her anymore. Whatever that was, she was just happy to see it. To think such creatures lurked in the sky...it made her feel a little less alone, that it was okay to gaze at the stars without Olivia. This was her new life and freedom. Vera was crying again, but this time it was from relief. "Thank you..." She muttered to the star beast, hoping of the wind to carry her words to wherever they were now.
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In his dreams, he heard the sonorous songs of his family. A pieced-together memory, dredged up by recollections of their triumphs, and of course their grief. They had sung together many times for many occasions, and from the darkness of the dreamscape, he heard them so startlingly clear--felt it prickle his skin, rile his heart, and inspire him to sing too.

Antares hoped that he would have the voice to join them this time…

Instead, he eventually woke to a start, feeling the sound die heavy on his tongue, half-formed in a dry mouth. Reorienting himself came steadily with the few blinks to follow. Antares smacked his lips, groaned, and drew himself up, carefully unfolding from the tangles of sleep.

When he surfaced and tried to shake the weird feeling off, the night had only just settled in, crystal clear. There was an electricity zinging under his skin, perhaps leftover from the dreams.. but it convinced him that rest was over for tonight. Thinking about his family, even in his sleep, it carried over and inspired his itchy paws upward. So, on a whim, Antares picked a swatch of elevation capped off in a peak, then began to make his way up. He was curious, waking up more, and it had been quite some time since he had tasted the heights properly--or really even wanted to look their way.

Night deepened as his muscles relaxed, and the sky thrummed to new life while he hiked up, impossible to ignore. More than the stars, and eventually, he would call himself fully distracted--invested, perhaps--because of course the view here would be so crisp. With a sorrowful longing, again thinking fondly of his family who first taught him to stargaze, he turned his sights up and just let the lights absorb him.

Story had always told the Ostrega that the lightshows in the north were unmatched, but this far exceeded any expectation that had been instilled on him. He couldn't look away as the stars themselves danced and swirled across the auroras, his eyes able to find the form of a great, dazzling wolf. In awe, he stood, stared, and tried to etch it into his memory even if there was no explanation to slot beside it--at least until the star-marked canine leapt from view, and the ripples of the night seemed to calm after. Antares exhaled a heavy breath, finally, suddenly able to be quick about finishing his hike with his head all full of this now, for it led him to realizing he was not nearly as alone as he once guessed; there was a path laid out ahead of his own. Now he really worked to bring some focus back down to earth.

Reeling from the sights in the sky still, he let curiosity pull him in, despite not really having a plan. He soon found the other wolf; packmate, if his nose was right. “Quite a view, right?” Antares chuffed as he started his approach, sure of his footing with a mountaineer's confidence. “Didn't intend to interrupt but.. ah, hi,” he tried since he was here, after all.
 

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She heard his paw-steps before she saw him. Ears twitching but ugly maw did not bother to turn, a bit unusual from her. Experience led her to act cautious, especially in the dark. If one wanted a fight to the death here she would give it to them. The guess of the stranger's weight from the sounds of their paws left her no worry anyways. Instead she made sure all tears were evicted from her face.

The scent warned her that the visitor was of a male from her pack. As he announced his arrival, Vera did not bother to look at him at first. Part of it was to be dismissive, the other part was worry of scaring him off the mountain with her ugly maw. She would not know how to explain such a thing to Reiko. Yet Vera found herself softening as the male spoke more, just to try and get a greeting across. His effort to socialize did not go unnoticed. She let out a deep breath through the permanently exposed sides of her mouth, causing steam to trail out that was ever-so-clear in the night. "Hello Sir. There is nothing to interrupt, I appreciate attention from others like most. The view is indeed something..." She said, trailing off with a laugh that was a tad morbid out of habit.

She proceeded to be quiet after that, letting a silence freeze over them before she would break it soon again. "Are you new or a senior of the pack?" Small talk, casual and yet prompting to learn of the ones who had given her this chance of redemption. The other may find it odd, but she still refused to look at him, truly not wanting to scare him. From children crying to the old priests stopping by to pray for her, this appearance of hers was always something she found...inconvenient.
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Certain that he had to be noticed well even with the cover of the night, he focused on finding a good spot to pause on, one that was both close, but far enough away for him to keep his comforts. When his paws gripped over one such worth considering, he took the chance to observe the pale-dressed stranger better, though for a beat, he realized he did not know quite what he was seeing when steam rose as it did when she answered him. At least his stilted efforts to make conversation were returned, and this gave him some hope as his ears flicked up, half a nod for his own sake to follow.

Antares chose relief when his packmate trailed into a laugh. Though quite a foreign note to him, the next breath seemed easier to carry. He had some ground to stand on with this, though it had not fully clicked that his company was not looking his way any; he assumed there was more to see in the great, vast view than him. Especially when the stars had just put on a show like that. “Good to know,” he breathed, thankful enough that she was not adverse to her silence broken by him. “Very new,” he could answer that outright, and to him, distressingly new yet--but he was dealing, probably. Mostly. He still needed to meet Reiko proper, comb the territory most thoroughly, and further establish himself. Easier said than done, he had realized now, all entrenched in the act of trying to find his metaphorical footing in Shiroshika. But, it was working, and he had things to do, so it felt much better than wandering lost and alone in lands he couldn't name. “I'm Antares,” the dark Ostrega offered as a follow-up, assuming they might like something else to know him by. Not that he had much else to add past that.

“This is the first time I've hiked up this far here--suppose I picked a decent night to not sleep,” he mentioned as he glanced at the side of his packmate's face, then curled his haunches into a neat sit just a few lengths off. The thin air, and the heights, reminded him of his birthplace--of home.

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Vera couldn't help but chuckle as he admitted his status. It was blunt, straight to the point. She respected that as to her it showed a lot of character to admit such a thing in few words. Often others like to add, to seem funny to make light or impress the other, and some are worse and merely try to hide it. It was a small action, consisting of only two words. Yet it told her all she wanted to know of her mysterious stranger. She would not say it, but he had her approval and respect now.

With the new respect he gained, her voice became a lot warmer as she introduced herself back. "My name is Vera. A pleasure to meet you, Antares." She introduced herself, polite as always with such delicate social situations. Another odd name but in a different manner from a lot of the other wolves. Closer to her original tongue and yet still far away.

Vera found herself shifting a bit of her weight, no longer focused on the sky. Instead she sought out an invisible point of interest. She...she has had enough of the sky for one night. The wounds of her past still too fresh to allow her to enjoy the night. Literally and metaphorically if you included how the cold stung the few nerves left in her exposed gums and scarred up areas that held no fur. Mentally she would get to that point now, but it would take time. Time heals all wounds, right? She could feel herself gag at the thought. Time only allowed wounds to fester and grow. As if on cue, Antares spoke of the environment and of what they had witness. She found herself humming in agreement. Noticing him shifting a bit made her decide to yawn and stretch to give the excuse to move her head even further away from him, as if it were just a natural thing.

She allowed the silence and the atmosphere again to take over for a bit before talking again. There was a hesitance as she tried to form the words she wanted to convey into English. "It is my first time too. The new recruits like us need views such as these." She started, admitting her own status. "I think it shows how small we are and how big and v-beautiful the world is. A comfort to remind us that our worries and problems are small in the grand scheme. That..." she flexed her claws into the cold stone as she lingered on these malicious feelings of hers. "That it's okay to feel and be what we are." She finished her thoughts with a shrug. Maybe she was being a bit too personal/self-projecting her own needs and worries onto the other and so she admitted it. "Forgive me...I may be self-projecting upon you." She apologized with another quick chuckle. "Stop letting me ramble on and be my voice instead. Are you use to such hikes? You sure you won't fall down easily?" She asked/teased, throwing him under the spotlight now. She liked to think she usually didn't ramble so much, but perhaps her mind was just more senile-like than she had realized.
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Vera, he committed to memory, naturally alongside with more questions the longer he spent in her company--him unable to fully place what was unspoken in her tones, but aware enough to sense that there was... probably something. Though to some measure, such stood true for most folk. He was determined not to fixate on this now. Instead, he was a sharp ear to listen with, scrabbling to understand her nuances, and the finest details when he didn't rightfully know the right thing...

He did appreciate finding out that she was new, too. They could have that in common as well and from there, her words carried a weight heavy enough to pique his curiosities in new ways. Not that he would disagree. He did feel small, sometimes. Beneath such wide open skies, it was far too easy easy to do. Thinking of his grief on the same scale would size them down considerably, too. Though at the same time, once, they had also seemed vaster than the night sky.

..it's okay to feel and be what we are, somehow, certainly, stuck. To be filed for later consideration, somewhere beside his previous notion of be anyone. He could be anyone, and be exactly what he was. “No.. nah, it's fine. Trust me. I don't disagree, we are awfully small..” he spoke low, where he was more comfortable and he could use proximity well enough. He liked to listen. Be my voice instead was enough to warrant a small ghost of a smirk out of him though.

Alright, so he cleared his throat for some type of attempt; an answer at least. “Won't be rid of me that easily, I'm afraid,” he snickered so slightly, confident enough that he would not fall, unless nature dictated otherwise of him. “I was born on a mountain, raised there. Probably all over all sorts of heights before all my teeth even grew in. It's easy to remember that part,” he said, sure of that much despite the distance in his navy gaze, sure that he could still see and feel Moonspear's once-verdant paths--down to where they expanded into Firefly Glen's comfort. “It's second nature to climb up by now.” Antares justified, though he had worried it might hurt after his former home's destruction, and his failed searches there the last time he went hiking into the clouds. But that was not quite the case, evidently, and it was easier to help balm the worry with curiosity towards this newly met packmate, who he glanced towards from the corner of his eye. “Going all introspective under the stars just comes after that, I suppose. Familiar territory,” the dark Ostrega nodded. “What led you here, to this peak?” he asked to turn inquiry back on Vera's direction. To Reiko and her wolves, what had drawn her in. Antares' days had been easy enough since coming here so, likely others could feel the same.

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Vera tried to hide the large smile she felt as he joked back with her. Such self-deprecating jokes meant a lot to her. It was how she coped with life. At first she wasn't sure about the company of another here but now she was truly glad. This pack was special to her. These wolves, she felt like she could die for them, to just let them live happy little lives under this big sky.

She listened with interest as he spoke of his life, sometimes making verbal noises when appropriate to show her interest since she still refused to look at him. What made such a wolf come here? She didn't want to seem too nosy, to irritate and push away the other. So instead she allowed herself to simply imagine a small pup climbing the hills as if they were formed only for his very feet. It was quite a cute image. They also had hills where she was from, but plenty of plateaus and plain-like areas to roam instead of the hills so they were easier to avoid. Thus while she was use to them, she wouldn't describe them in the way he had.

As he all too-soon threw back a question, she found herself tense with it. She wanted to be lost in his memories, not her own. She let out a deep and slow sigh, as if all the joy she was just having had escape from her with that very breath. It felt like her insides were being filled with cement. He had been honest with her, something in her wanted to be honest back. The first wolf in the pack she felt she could confide in. Vera found herself to proceed to roll onto her back, paws in the air as she made eye-contact with the other for the first time, the position making the wolf seem upside-down. Her grotesque features apparent. She looked almost defeated as she saw him for the first time. A young wolf of shadows that like most of the others, belonged in a different world than her ugly self. No warmness could be felt anymore, just utter melancholy and a pain reverting in her one good eye, it was hard to describe the type of pain it showed. Perhaps there were simply no words for it.

Whether he was shocked or not she would answer as if nothing happened. The answer hadn't even been exactly apparent until now. "I guess I was trying to remember what it feels like to be loved." She answered, a tender look coming to her eyes as she reminisced. "My excuse was to exercise but I think I just really wanted to look at the sky and remember what it was like to be happy. We liked to gaze at the stars together, my love and I until...I became the target of...bullying." That was how she would describe it, the wolves who would throw her into barbed wire again and again. "Later after she was long dead I learned she started telling them where I was...maybe it was never love in the first place...I just want...to belong or be loved or something..." Her voice becoming nothing but a soft whisper. Even in her admittance she was aloof and vague, but it was a long tale, both her past and emotional status, and one that she had never described to outsiders before. This was the best she could do for now.

Feeling too ugly and vulnerable to be looked at, she rolled once again back onto her belly and looked away from the other, trying to be as casual as possible like she wasn't bothered. Looking not to the sky but at the ground as if she could fall and bury herself in it. All these confusing emotions, she just wanted to figure them out.
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He stayed quiet, aiming for the picture of a neutral, easy listener, trying to cue in to any meaning behind anything. A subtle indication to lead from, but he did seem to get something--at first, not as expected, as he initially went to only glance her way when he heard her shift. But he was pulled in to stay for more when he got a look, finally at the edge of almost-understanding. His ears splayed hesitantly when noticing her expression, which after another beat, sent his peering skirting away with a measured, slow exhale.

Alright, he noted. No wonder, and surely whatever circumstance led to her face being so mightily scarred was a tale all its own. But maybe not one he was meant to be privy to quite yet. He'd only just seen it. Were they victory? Defeat? But, he was determined not to zero in on it, and let it be--never never before seeing something quite like it. Vera guided his focus towards heavy topics like love right away, though, so at least it came easily. Not that he fully understood as he kept up.. but he sensed the meaningfulness here, why it brought her beneath the stars at all. Her heart had been broken and.. surely something terrible. Then, the inherent desire to want love?

A remark couldn't come easily to that, so obviously he was quiet--something he felt less uneasy about as she turned away, presumably leaving that there for him to take or leave. “I see,” he murmured, holding back every question that wanted to rush ahead. “Sounds awful. Couldn't have been easy to bear. But.. the stars made for good company, at least I hope,” he didn't want her to dig too deeply into the memory of it, whatever it was precisely that she was alluding to in this, so he kept his return very general, and glossed in vagueness too. Though he hoped some sentiment was still able to get through. And with that much, if she wanted, he would let it be all she would have to say. Antares breathed a slow sigh; he could share more too and answer his own question, he supposed. “I came up because even if it was a falling star and the mountain it crumbled that took most of them away from me, I feel closer to many of the bonds I lost when I just stare into the stars and darkness and breathe in the way the air just is. It's hard to describe. And I came here to this pack at all needing something new to relearn myself in, but it's the traces of familiarity that I needed, too. It's been strange to start again alone, but okay, ultimately. I think.” he sighed, staring up into the air. These were peculiar times. And it seemed they would weather them, one way or another.

He stayed beneath the stars for quite some time, an observer, and a listener most of all but Vera had eased him into sharing. She might pry a few more pieces from him before the dawn would come and call him back down the elevations. So until then, he sought to simply take it all in, and hope to enjoy--and heal deeper than ever before.

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