I’m a shapeshifter, I can be anyone

Despite everything, she’d still been welcomed among the pack. So to speak. A rather warm welcome, all things considered.

More importantly, she’d found her sister—and all the revelations that had followed left her head cloudy and troubled.

After she limped back to her den, Merel had been too tired to do anything but fall asleep. She awoke to the sound of someone entering the cramped space.

She cracked open an eye. The healer, Tove. Right. They’d put her nearby, where she could have better access to her patient. Merel was sure Tove was thrilled about that fact. (Not.) Still, she offered her a small smile as she sat up, wincing as her paw grazed the ground. She realized, suddenly, that they would be all covered in dirt from her midnight adventure.

Mentally, she braced herself for a scolding.

“Well, good morning,” Merel said cheerfully. “Glad you decided not to suffocate me in my sleep.”

---

@Tove

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Despite the clouds that covered the sky, it was still a beautiful morning. The air itself was crisp with a coolness that filled her lungs with each breath and the ground was still damp from the midnight drizzle. Autumn mornings had always been Tove's favorite and she was annoyed that she would be spending it in the company of the new little bird, Merel.

Merel. Merel. Her name had ravaged through the Kallista's brain endlessly since their meeting and by now she wanted her to just fly away and never come back. She’d even help chase her way, biting her tail feathers the entire time. Wishful thinking, huh?

Tove sighed as she made her way to the den they'd let Merel settle in, her steps slow and languid. It was incredibly close to hers, annoyingly so, for easy access to help tend to the she-wolf's wounds and even as she dragged her own feet, she reached it sooner than she’d hoped. Great. She entered without pause or warning, a bundle of herbs and a small hare hanging from her jaws.

She took in the sight of the other she-wolf slumbering, pausing for a moment to take in the sight. The blackbird looked peaceful, very comfortable in a place she didn't belong. At first, Tove had a fleeting thought of letting her sleep longer, not wanting to disturb her in such a state. She was beautiful as she lay there, soft furs basked in shadow.

As Merel began to stir, Tove was pulled from her traitorous thoughts, blinking as if she were embarrassed and caught in the act. Her eyes widened, ears flat against her skull and she huffed, feigning annoyance. She shook her head, huffing as she set her pile down, not returning the smile. Had Merel been hoping for Faust?

Guess they would both be disappointed.

Before she could say anything, she was met with a rather cheerful greeting. If she could even call it that. A laugh burst from Tove, loud and unexpected, amusement sparkling in her gaze. "I haven't made up my mind yet," she warned with a slight bare of her teeth, an almost a playful jest but her expression was still troubled, a hardness to her normally soft face. Bitterness swirling in her gaze.

“I brought you breakfast,” she stated, nodding towards the hare rather dismissively. Her lip twitched as she continued. “I can’t promise it’s not poisoned but you may take your chances if you wish.”

With that said, Tove stepped forward to inspect Merel’s paws, frowning when she took in the sight of them. Oh boy. They were still inflamed and covered in muck from what she could only guess was a midnight adventure. Maybe they were more alike than she originally thought. Maybe. Sighing again, she nudged at a forepaw with her snout, sniffing. There was no sign of infection she noted, no oozing, no abnormal discoloration. That was a good sign at least.

But why did she smell of Tamir? Was she just after all the men in Velaris?

Huffing and holding in her questions and the grumble that was building in her chest, she settled down on her stomach, forelimbs crossing as she eyed the other she-wolf closely. "Eat and then we can worry about your paws."

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“Noted,” Merel said calmly. She hadn’t missed the sharp undertone to the healer’s words, nor the flash of teeth. Although she doubted that Tove would actually poison her—not after all the work she’d put into treating her injuries—it was a risk worth keeping in her thoughts. Merel had long been of the opinion that a healer was the worst person to have on your bad side. They could hold a wolf’s life in their teeth without ever having to touch you.

That thought, as well as the way Tove scrutinized her, did not do wonders for Merel’s appetite. Even so, she grabbed one hindleg of the hare in her jaws, ripping it loose. Her legs might be injured, but her jaw certainly wasn’t.

In her barren homeland, refusing a free meal was a grave offense. Though it would have likely carried far less weight in this land of plenty, Merel would never turn her nose up at fresh food. She hardly stopped to think as she devoured the lean muscle and ligament. She didn’t look particularly graceful just then, but she was hungrier than she realized.

“Have some too,” Merel insisted between mouthfuls, nudging at the carcass with her snout. “Caught it yourself? You enjoy hunting?”

She looked up at Tove curiously, crunching a bone between her teeth.

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Tove felt herself almost smiling when the blackbird began to feast, satisfied that she had taken the chance. Good. Her sharp gaze stayed glued to her, not caring if it brought her any discomfort or unease. That wasn’t her concern.

If anything, Tove hoped it made her skin crawl, hoped it made her squirm. She could still smell Faust on the woman and now Tamir, two of the most important men in her life and it didn’t sit right with her. It left her suspicious, angry, and jealous. But - she had to push that aside, focus on her job, focus on why she was here.

She was here to help. To fix something that was broken, to do good.

So when Merel began to question her, mouth full of food, she forced herself to reply. Forced herself to get out of her head and conversate. She took in the woman, holding back a snort as she spoke around mouthfuls, manners be damned. She and her were similar, weren’t they? Tove had never been one to slow down, often eating her full in a rush when she was truly hungry. Didn’t care if she got messy, didn’t care if blood sullied her muzzle. “Offering me food that I caught?” she quipped, a sliver of humor lacing her words. She shook her head. “How thoughtful.”

“I do,” she nodded, shifting her weight around to get more comfortable. She gave a small sigh, her gaze shifting towards the entrance of the den. While she was not the most skilled, preferring the hunt of smaller creatures alone, Tove enjoyed it. The freedom and the thrill of the chase was like nothing else. She still thought fondly of her hunt with Vahae, the high of the hunt a pleasant memory in the back of her mind. If she had not been so captivated by the workings of plants, she would have most likely ended up amongst the huntsman. “I don’t do it as often as I’d like.”

“What of you? Do you like to hunt?” Are you useful? Her tone came off as dismissive as she once more stared at Merel but there was gnawing curiosity in her that drove the words out of her. What lie beneath the surface of this Outsider? Despite her disdain and frustrations, there was a part of Tove that couldn't help but wonder if she'd like what she found.

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Tove continued to glare at her. She’d hoped maybe a night’s sleep would’ve helped everyone relax a bit—if anything, though, the healer seemed twice as aggravated with her today. Her midnight venture might well be the cause, though what about it specifically was less clear. That she’d gone and gotten her paws dirty again, or that she’d been lurking around packlands. Maybe it was all of it.

And yet, Tove had gone to the trouble to catch her breakfast for her.

“Ah, so it is poisoned,” Merel quipped back between mouthfuls when she refused to join her. Although occupied with her food, she still listened attentively to the healer.

So she was a huntress and a herbalist. Tove was a woman of many talents, it seemed; she was certain the compliment would not be appreciated, but that didn’t make it less true. To her surprise, it almost seemed as if she preferred the hunt to her current profession.

She flashed a toothy grin as Tove turned the question back on her, albeit less warmly than herself.

“’Course I do. Hardly a starving mutt, am I?” Merel answered as she licked the last of the rabbit from her teeth. “Though I suppose I’m not really proving my point at the moment. But yes, I enjoy it. It’s exciting to be part of the chase, to outsmart your prey.”

“Do you prefer hunting to healing?” she asked, curious.

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Tove smiled.

Finally, a real one this time that had her lips pulling upward, ivory flashing at Merel's own retort. She gave a shrug of her shoulders, eyes flashing towards what remained of the hare before finding the blackbird once more. She blew out a huff, holding back a chuckle. "And yet you are still eating it."

She kept on watching, listening as her expression took one of a more serious note, any sign of humor having already been wiped away. Merel did not look as if she were starving, no, unfortunately she looked well fed and healthy. Probably had a sound mind too, huh? Tove was bitter, silently cursing herself. It wasn't the time to be jealous.

She had this. It was okay. It would all be okay.

"Definitely not," she shook her head, giving Merel a rather incredulous look. She hadn’t meant to make it seem that way. There was nothing that compared to medicine or learning of the world. Nothing. Her nose scrunched and she let out a laugh. "I enjoy it but I do not prefer it. Healing.. is something else entirely. While of course it's less labor intensive and thrilling in the moment, it has its own share of excitement. There is always a reward, whether you fail or not. Knowledge, answers.. And helping someone, fixing someone? There’s nothing better than that.”

Tove finished with another shake of her head, her mouth shutting with a click. She hadn't meant to say so much and was already regretting it, annoyance prickling at her skin. "Now let me see those paws," and with that she rose to her feet and crossed the little difference between them, eyes narrowed. "They look like they hurt." And have not been taken care of.

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For a moment there, Merel thought she might’ve actually brought a smile to Tove’s lips. A real one, this time, and it brought a sudden swell of warmth and lightness to her chest. Tove was beautiful on her own, but when she was happy—

Then it was gone, and Merel mentally shook herself. Get it together. Even as she listened to her, though, she couldn’t help the spark of admiration in her eyes. And maybe a bit of envy, too.

“I wish I was patient enough,” Merel said with a lopsided smile. “I preferred chasing quails, though I regret that now.”

She’d squandered her chance to learn from her mother, and the next healer she’d met had refused to help her when she needed it most. But that was not something Merel wanted to dwell on. Her thoughts were mercifully drawn from that direction by the healer’s command. With some reluctance, she stretched out her legs so that Tove could take a look at her paws.

“Did you learn from someone? About medicine, I mean,” Merel asked.

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“I’ve never considered myself to be patient.” Tove laughed with a shake of her head and it was quiet noise that trickled from the back of her throat, a soft wisp against the tension built between the two. “Just stubborn.”

And stubborn she was. From the moment she could comprehend the workings around them, Tove had given little option for the healers of their old home to turn her away. She bombarded them with questions, invading their spaces and time to learn what she could - whenever she could. Whether they had wanted her or not, they had gained a student from the moment she watched them heal her mother. She had been captivated, in love with it wholly, from the very start.

Even now, as an adult, she was still greedy for information. She would take anything anyone would give her, any lesson, any new tricks, all of it. She was already itching to seek out her newest friend, Stjor, who seemed to have all sorts of wonders for her and secrets to share. She still had his recent gifts tucked away in her den for safekeeping.

“I did.” The Kallista nodded towards the blackbird as she settled on the ground beside her, huffing quietly. Her voice grew quieter, an almost sad, nostalgic ring to it. She wondered if Merel too, had had a life before this? Did she long to go back? Was there a version of herself that had been left behind that left her feeling empty? Was she different here?

Tove moved on quickly.

“Midnight exploring?” she mused as if she didn’t already know the answer or smell Tamir on her furs, her eyes glued to Merel’s paws. She fought the frown that tugged at her lips but couldn’t stop the wrinkle of her nose or the way her ears shifted back towards her skull. Waiting for a reply, Tove brought her head down and began to gently lap away the dirt that clung to the blackbirds pads with gentle licks of her tongue, starting at the woman's front paws.

“I can teach you - if you’d like.” It was said quickly, dismissively, between the laps of her tongue. Her eyes narrowed and she ignored the bitterness that filled her mind, the gnawing regret at giving the Outsider such an offer. At giving Merel such an offer.

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Merel quirked a smile; patience and stubbornness were close cousins, if not sisters. She might have questioned her further, but Tove was quick to move on from any mention of her past. Well, Merel couldn’t blame her for that; she had her own demons that she kept at bay only by burying them as deep as she could.

With Tove sitting next to her, Merel thought—just for a moment—that they almost felt like friends. Maybe in another life, they would have been. But then it was gone, and Merel was faced with scrutiny once more.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Merel offered by way of explanation. “I was frogmarched back.”

At Tove’s offer, however, Merel’s eyes widened. It was not often that the Blackbird was taken by surprise, or rendered speechless. It probably meant little to Tove; Merel could not think of any other reason the healer would have offered it so readily. Their impact on her would almost certainly seem strange.

Yet Merel knew first-hand what withholding knowledge could do. And to give it freely, instead of hiding it—

“You…you would?” Merel blurted out. Ungraceful, but grateful. As if frightened that the healer might take back her words, Merel quickly added: “Thank you. Thank you, Tove, I mean it. I…would like that very much.”

Her words were stilted and awkward. They were not beautiful words, for once, but they were real.

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Between the laps of her tongue, Tove stifled a snort at the blackbird's so-called explanation, drawing her gaze upright. Her hazel eyes settled upon the other she-wolf's face, lips pursed as she scrutinized her, displeased with the meager information offered. Keeping secrets, was she? That just wouldn’t do.

“By whom?” Her question was direct, words sharp, offering little wiggle room for evasion. Her tone, though sharp, carried an undertone of curiosity. Why couldn’t she sleep? Why had she felt so comfortable exploring lands she had no right too? None of it sat right with Tove.

Swiftly resuming her cleaning, she used her snout to gently guide Merel, ignoring the way the soft tendrils of her brown fur tickled her nose or how her strong scent clouded her senses. Here in the den, just the two of them, it was potent. Distracting. It reminded her of a rainy day, of something cozy. And it irritated her to no end.

Frustrated, the Kallista moved on to the other woman’s back paws, not noticing the way her eyes widened or the surprise that found home within the soft planes of her face. But she heard the tumble of words, the way she stumbled and it had Tove huffing, more regret filling her. It wasn’t a big deal… Right?

Instead of acknowledging her thanks with more than a whisper of a smile, the Kallista pulled her head back, letting Merel’s paw drop back towards the ground. “Do you know why I want to keep your paws clean?” she asked with a tilt of her head, a glimmer in her gaze. She would start with questions, comfortable with that. She was not comfortable with the praise or the kindness. “What would happen if you just let them be?”

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By whom? So that was the crux of the matter. Still jealous, it seemed. But it had not been Faust who’d found her in the woods; it had been Tamir. Did she claim both men as her own? Huh. Merel eyed her appreciatively. She could respect that.

“Tamir. And my sister,” Merel answered. Well, she supposed, there was no point in hiding her relationship to Periane anymore. She doubted knowing Merel’s true reason for being here would do anything to affect Tove’s opinion of her, but there wasn’t any reason to lie. Somehow, she didn’t think Tove would be the sort to punish a wolf for her sister’s crimes. She hadn’t even punished her. Even though she had every right to do so.

When Tove abruptly dropped her foot, however, Merel grimaced.

“…They could get infected?” Merel answered, trying her best not to look too guilty. Nor to be too distracted by the she-wolf’s scent—a pleasant one, that, laced with flowers and herbs. “And…then they would fall off?” Eurgh. Eurgh, no. She really should’ve paid more attention to her own injuries, Merel thought. She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t.

Because you know you don’t deserve it, a little voice whispered. She shut it up.

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To her surprise, the blackbird confessed easily to seeing Tamir during her midnight adventure.. And her sister. There was no mention of Faust, much to her relief.

The admission caught Tove off guard, her entire body tensing with surprise. She hadn’t been sure what she had been expecting but it hadn’t been that. Periane? Tove hadn’t had much interaction with the woman, mostly in passing and having noticed her scent upon Tamir. She had never pried the shadowsinger but she was not blind. She noticed the way he looked at her with a softness he harbored only for a few.

“Your sister is Periane?” she asked, her voice soft, devoid of malice or bitterness this time. She was genuine, eyes full of curiosity. The similarities between them hadn’t been apparent until now. If she had spent enough time around Periane, perhaps she would have noticed the similar undertones of their scents. Tove may not have had the full history, but she was aware that, like her, Periane carried something that didn’t belong, a darkness that had followed her here. Was Merel the same? Tove wondered what had happened, why they had been separated. It reminded her of Savan, how hard it had been to lose her, how hard it had been for all of them. “Did you not know she was here?”

After dropping her paw, Tove nodded towards the other woman, the corner of her lips tilting upward. She appreciated the effort, acknowledging they were off to a good start despite the way her chest clenched and her skin still prickled. “You are partially right,” her nose wrinkled and she laughed, lifting her own leg up to show off her own black paw pad, unscratched and healthy. “We are most worried about infection but no, Merel, they will not fall off. Infection can spread,” she bumped her nose against one of Merel’s leg, motioning up towards her shoulder and then her chest, her touch featherlight. She did her best to ignore that irritative petrichor scent. “It can spread and spread until it’s ruined your whole body and once that happens? Not even I - or the best of healers - can help.”

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“Yes. She is my little sister,” Merel said with a flash of pride. Her baby sister, Periane. She’d survived. She’d made it all this way, and found a place for herself in this world, though not unscathed. Merel had seen that clearly.

Yes, she’d found Periane. Not exactly the Periane she remembered. In her heart, though, she knew that she was the one who had changed into something unrecognizable, not her sister. Yet that was something Merel still couldn’t bring herself to face. It’d corner her, eventually. She’d fallen quiet; she was half afraid of what might come out of her mouth if she spoke just then, and half that she’d choke instead. So she let silence cloak her grief, looking out the den as if merely lost in thought.

Tove’s next words brought her back to reality. She looked back, and she saw a change in the wolf’s demeanor. She seemed less…angry. Had it been what she’d said? It was…surprising. Not long ago, she’d remarked that she didn’t need to play games with Beck.

Perhaps she didn’t need to do that here, either. Perhaps she’d never needed to.

“It gets into the blood,” Merel noted, watching how Tove pointed with her nose. She did her best to listen—and not be distracted by the healer’s beauty. Faust and Tamir were very lucky men, indeed. She felt rather foolish, but for once, she didn’t mind. “Point taken.”

“The herbs you put on them yesterday, those stop that from happening?”

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Her younger sister? Interesting.

Tove waited for more words to follow, more information - more anything but it did not. She was surprised, having found that Merel… Well, she seemed to like to talk.

It brought Tove’s gaze back up and she took in her the way her entire demeanor had changed, the blackbirds focus elsewhere. Her hazel gaze lingered, taking in the sadness that clung to Merel - a sadness she hadn’t noticed before. It felt oddly out of place on the blackbird, a notion Tove swiftly brushed aside. She held her tongue for now, pondering, soaking up the silence that rested between them before she began her questions.

“Yes, precisely.” Tove responded, breaking the silence. She smiled at Merel’s correct answer, nodding her head in subdued encouragement. “The herbs in the poultice have antimicrobial properties. They help prevent infection and promote faster healing. They also lower your swelling and hopefully reduce your pain, as long as you follow instructions,” she explained slowly, her tone steady and informative. Her brow raised subtly as she finished, alluding to the midnight adventure.

Letting out a soft sigh, the Kallista quickly sprang to her feet to grab the herbs for easier access before settling beside Merel again, dropping them between them. She nosed at each of them, letting Merel get a close look as she listed them off: bladderwort, broadleaf and salmonberry leaves. Once Merel had gotten a good look she’d begin to chew some up, gesturing with her snout, letting Merel decide if she wanted to help or not.

Not wasting time, she’d begin applying poultice to one of Merel’s front paws, her touch gentle. Tove's nose wrinkled at the way her scent only became stronger, clouding even the smell of the poultice. She stifled a sigh, remaining focused. As best she could. “I think we’re all meant to heal here, in some way or another.” She offered quietly between the laps of her tongue, giving a shrug of her shoulders. Her voice was tinged with uncertainty but a small smile graced her delicate features, dark ears folding back against her head. The more she met, the more she saw, the more she believed that the Star Mother had given them all another chance. All of them, whether their wounds were visible, were hurt in some way. Damaged. Even if she didn't particularly like Merel or the circumstances that brought her here, she understood grief. “She is safe here, you know.”

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Merel didn’t know how to express it, but she appreciated that Tove didn’t make her feel like an idiot. These were probably basic things for her, but she still took the time to explain them. In a way that didn’t patronize her, either.

Although, she did scold her. Rightfully so.

“No more trudging through bear dung, then. Got it,” Merel said. She pretended to sigh. A glimmer of her usual playful self had returned to her eyes.

She listened and watched attentively as Tove listed off the herbs to her, inhaling their scents so she could memorize them. At the healer’s prompting, she picked one up and started to chew it in her mouth. Bitter-tasting, but hopefully that meant it would work. She did her best to copy what Tove did, applying the chewed up poultice to her other paw. It was not the smell of the herbs that held her attention, though. The she-wolf might be hopelessly unavailable, but there was no reason Merel couldn’t enjoy that lovely herbal scent while it lingered so close.

With what Tove said next, something equally sad and joyful crept into her eyes. Warmth and grief all at once.

“I know,” she said weakly. She looked away and blinked several times. She would not cry. She had not cried thus far, and she would not, could not cry here. Tove did not want to be her friend. And Merel knew she did not deserve that friendship, even if it was offered.

Once she was sure her eyes weren’t stinging, she looked back at Tove.

“Thank you.” It was all she could think to say. But words were merely words. She would have to think of some way to thank the she-wolf properly. From what little she knew of her, Merel could see that she had trouble accepting praise. Somehow, Merel would find a way to make her see her own worth. Somehow.

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While she didn’t offer any words back to Merel’s attempt at playful banter, she snorted, her eyes rolling. Exactly that. If they had been friends, if this had been her and Savan, she would have said something back. Made more of an effort. But they weren’t friends. Not at all.

While she worked, she occasionally glazed over at Merel to check in her progress, giving some nods and chuffs in encouragement. Tove was glad she took to it easily, not needing much instruction. She doubted she could muster much patience at the moment, not with the irritation still brewing beneath her skin and that overwhelming petrichor scent making her head spin.

She gave Merel privacy, looking away and focusing on finishing up her paws while she got herself together. While irritated, the Kallista was far from cruel. She would not pick apart Merel's emotions or make her feel bad for grieving over a loss she had no knowledge on. For having pain. She would never do that.

“You’re welcome.” It was said quickly, with a nod of her, her teeth clicking together. “I think we’re all done here. Let it dry and give it some time to actually stay on your paws for a little bit before you go off on any new adventures.” And with that said, she let her eyes linger on the blackbird's face for a moment or so before she grabbed up the remaining bundle and headed off on her way.

//tove out
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