uncharted

She had tried to give the boy space.

Moving him from one place to the next was one thing. That kept him alive, and the pack would continually add to that survival. But the fact is, he lost his mother. Edelweiss had come across a body below the Tundra that she had promptly buried. A female wolf, still round with pregnancy fat, that looked too much like @Kalvin... She had more or less died dragging herself after her child, refusing to give up until the last breath escaped.

She did not know how to break this to him. Before now, there was an unspoken 'bond'. Edelweiss would keep him safe. Nobody was coming for him. The realization that someone had tried... She had desperately searched for the mother before moving to Shiroshika, coming up with nothing. No clear scent. No blood trail. No idea where the thief had come from. She hadn't stopped to consider the Mountains. This was her fault.

If only she had been there sooner.

Burying the body of the woman, Edelweiss returned to Shiroshika. Would she keep this from the boy, though? Her limbs had been caked with dirt, but she had cleaned herself before coming back. No need to make anyone wonder what she had been doing. Approaching the den she more or less shared with Kalvin, she watched for signs of life within. It was near 'bedtime' for the boy. If she left him alone for a bit to play with Quicksilver's children, he usually found his way back without her. Her eyes focused on the mouth of the den.

She said nothing, allowing the allure of withdrawing information to protect hurt feelings.

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^^There was a lot of change that made with Edelweiss. First, she'd killed the big kitty that had attacked them, and somehow, the theif himself had died. Now, they shared a den with other scents and other wolves around.

Sometimes he followed Edelweiss around. She was grayscale with a white belly like his mother had been and maybe if he pretended enough, he might trick himself into believing she was.

When she was gone tho, Kalvin remained hidden in the den, in the very back of the den, unmoving and trying to pretend he was one with the shadow.

He never met with the other kids. Never bothered with leaving the den when he wasn't with her. Their new home was big and scary; too frightening for a babe that had already been through enough.

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"You alive in there?"

Her tone was not rough, but more... Well, just flat. The boy didn't seem to really mind this. Past interactions made him trust her, so she wouldn't change any personality for him. He was used to it by now. Any change would spook him. She was not his mother and offered no comfort of an emotional nature. Anything physical would be stiff and awkward. Hugs, a pat on the back, etc. 

She had brought with her pieces from an arctic hare. The skin had been pulled the best she could from the carcass, perhaps to be used in lining the budding den. Too small for her, but Kalvin could use it. She also had pulled a part of the foot off. The back one. She nudged this to the entrance. Still fluffy, like it still belonged to the hare. He could... snuggle with it?

"Here" she said after a slow pause "food and other things." No beating around the bush. If he came closer, he'd find the rabbit's foot and the fur. She didn't know he didn't leave the den. If she did, she'd coax him out of it more. It wasn't good to hide from the world, especially its realities. But he also hadn't had proper time to mourn his mother. A complex thing. Double-edged.

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^^The relationship between Kalvin and the mother-look alike could not have been more estranged. She did not have the warmth and caring of a mother, yet for some reason, she’d saved him; for some reason, she kept him with her, when she could have left him on the borders of the pack to have someone with more compassion care for him.

She had the personality of a rock. Flat. Cold. Void of all emotion. The type of woman you wouldn’t want to have her own children. Her voice called into the den, and Kalvin slowly moved to peek his head out from the den.

He watched her, with mild interest, as she nudged something towards him. Slowly, hesitantly, he took a few steps out of the den to sniff at it.

What did she expect him to do with this?

He glanced back at her with the tilt of his head and nudged it back to her.

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He nudged it back.

"It's for you" she tried again, attempting to nudge the rabbit's foot back to him "there are many arctic hares in the Tundra. One day you'll hunt too. It is good to remember the scent of prey ahead of time" She explained to Kalvin "you'll have an easier time tracking it." Of course, she brought it to him for him to play with but... Well, how does she explain this?

"Also." She paused, searching for words.

"It's, um, a toy" she added, scrunching her face up awkwardly "or... a trinket? Whatever you prefer" Edelweiss tried the logical approach again "rabbit feet are good luck charms" She places a dainty paw on the severed foot "this will keep you safe, when I am not around." Hopefully. She couldn't be around forever, and Kalvin needed to learn to protect himself.

This'd give him a confidence boot. Maybe.

"Have you seen the other pups yet?" she asked him.

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^^Kalvin decided he quite liked her awkward wrinkley face and the way she scrunched up her face. His Ma used to say not to make those faces, cus it’d get stuck like that. Did Edelweiss not know? He pondered telling her, as she nudged the rabbit back.

Oh, was this a game?

She mentioned good luck charms and he blinked. “Good.. Luck.. charm?” He whispered, softly, looking up at her with soft eyes, as though questioning what it was. It sounded mysterious and strange, but somehow, not scary.

She went to explain that it’ll keep him safe when she wasn’t around, and he nodded, softly, taking the feet and memorizing the smell. He’d hunt down every last one until he felt safe. “Will they halp me find Mama, too..?”

For the first time, he smiled; hopeful, stepping towards the rabbit with a wag of his tail, and leaning down to take the foot in his mouth.

When she asked about the other pups, his brows came forward and he shook his head. He didn’t know about them until now, and didn’t care about them, either.

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Sigh.

"It will give you luck" But that wasn't why she inwardly sighed "it means good things will happen more to you" Hopefully "instead of bad things. Or bad luck." He asked about his mother. She resisted cringing. Edelweiss wanted to flatly say 'no' and let him cry or sulk. But this required a delicate touch.

"I..." she grasped for the right words once again. Her head bowed and she stared at the ground "your Mama has passed" Edelweiss forced the strength back into her voice "I found her but she was too hurt" Lies! "she thanked me for saving you, and told me to look out for you, Kalvin." Why was she not telling him the truth? 

Because it was easier.

On him, she wanted to believe.

"I sat with her while she passed on. She was at peace. I made her comfortable. She's in the sky now. When it's really dark out, I'll point her out. She's... looking down on you right now. You just can't see her star in the light." Telling the boy his mother had been cold and dead long before being found... Too cruel. She tried to save him that knowledge.

"I'm sorry" Edelweiss slipped "I didn't get to her in time. It's my fault."

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^^Kalvin was a young child; not even nine months of age yet, and he already knew Death. Death and Trauma seemed to follow him around as though it clung to his coat, infecting everyone and everything he came across. It reached through the stars at night and curled it’s macabre hand around him, scooping him up and tainting him.

He knew death.

When the spotted cat had died, Edelweiss shook it’s body, and said: “it’s dead.” When the theif, too, had been killed, Edelweiss again told him it was “dead.” She had never shown him an ounce of warmth in those times, or in the times she had cared for him —

But now..

But now she bowed her head as though she was before a prince, staring at the ground as she told him something different. Not a cold, or harsh: “she’s dead. I found her and buried her.” But, something else.

She had passed, and was now in the sky, and at night, Edelweiss was going to point her out..?

Kalvin might not be old enough to detect a lie, but Kalvin could pick up on the change of body language. He wasn’t really sure why there was a difference.

He glanced at her with an unsure expression, then glanced at the sky and let out a series of sobs.

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"I'm sorry..."

What else could she say to him? What else possible could she say to make this better? Her chest seemed to twist uncomfortably as if she had eaten rotten prey. It felt like it was working through her system, slowly poisoning her. Kalvin wept and cried and yowled to the sky above. As much as she didn't want to admit it, he was her charge now. She made a vow to Quicksilver, Shiroshika... and indirectly to the boy himself. She was here. He was her responsibility.

A lanky paw snaked out as she scooted closer to him. It wrapped, albeit awkwardly, around his tiny body. While not a touchy-feely sort of person, she was quite aware a sobbing person needed some form of comfort. He didn't scream or yell at her, didn't say it was her fault - it was though - so she chalked it up to him accepting it. Accepting the woman was dead, never coming back, and that... perhaps it was not her fault. He didn't blame her. That much was clear.

"It's..." Okay? No, it wasn't okay. "let it out" Fine, she said that instead "it's okay to cry."

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