I did a thing

The woman was confused and unsure about everything. Her night before was spent in a way that she did not expect but also wasn't mad about. But she certainly didn't know what to think about it. For that, she needed some advice and for that, there was only one wolf that she could think of. Lifting her head up, she called for @Vendrussel, hoping that this trivial thing wouldn't bother the leader who was likely busy with a ton of other things. 

As soon as she called for the leader, she started thinking that it wasn't worth calling for. Who would go out of their way to call the leader of all wolves for gossip! With a sigh, she shook her head, curling up with @Gaia in her den. Part of her was still hoping that Ven would show up and not be mad at her, while the other part of her wanted all of this to just fade away.

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On the edge of the isle she walked — an eye toward the sea and the coast of the brim. Though a laziness most likely as her head was within the clouds of idle thoughts, a wondering if rather to fish in the later day or attempt to find someone to spar so. Within the time of boredness did she find some slight love within but the entanglement with another — as so she was raised so. Though she couldn't bully the same wolves, over and over..

Then heard the call of another, an ear twitch to the sound of Serenity calling to where her assumed den ; and she wondered if it perhaps had to do with the child that laid within her den. Vendrussel was thankful for her, to take arms to take care of a child that was not her own. She howled back within arms that she was arriving, as a quick gallop to the other and peered within the den, "What's up?"

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The woman had been in her own mind, thinking about everything that had happened so far, something she really didn't think would be something she worried about. But, now that she was in a pack, she had to. Due to her not really paying much attention, she nearly jumped out of her skin as a voice rang out, quickly turning to face the woman. With a sigh, she would relax herself, offering Ven a small smile. "Hey, I'm sorry to pull you away from your work, but I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute." From her tone, it was clear there was something hanging in the air, but she wanted to make sure the woman had the time to discuss stuff. If she didn't Serenity didn't mind waiting for another time, but she wanted to talk to her leader as soon as possible and hope that she wasn't mad.

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Though despite being a leader, majority of the time Vendrussel did not feel like so. May not even be acting like one — she wasn't born to be one, despite being heir to her Clan the day never came and she never thought truly about it. It was a position that can be shaken, tossed if any saw her deemed unfit and she truly did not think of the day when her parents would perish, she too would take those reigns of leadership. Though the heavens itself, had called for her — lay her claim to the sepulcher. 

Then there, she became the Alpha.

But it wasn't often many called to her for advice. She had been questioned and judged, drifting through these lands with but her own reassurance and occasional guidance from others. It was a first moment to truly for someone to ask her for a lending ear, that it warmed her heart slightly, in the thought that maybe, just maybe, she was getting better at the job.

Vendrussel sat down in front of the den and smiled lightly, "I do not mind, what do you need?" An ocean gaze drifting to the sleeping child.. Not something to desire to bring in the midst of battles and so, but who has the heart to throw out lost children?

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The woman was content, hearing the leader's words made her much for calm and confident. Still, she didn't know how Ven would react, but there was really only one way to find out. It was now or never. With a deep breath, the woman would speak up, her eyes on the child at her side. "A few nights ago I was out hunting and ran across another from the pack. We spent the night together and... one thing led to another..." She fell silent, eyes turning up to look at the woman in front of her. "I'm not sure if anything will come of it or not, but in the event that it does, I wanted you to know instantly.." She lowered her head in submission, hoping that the woman wouldn't be mad at her. 

She had just joined the pack and really didn't want to get kicked out. Unconsciously she found herself curling tighter around the small creature protectively. Should she get kicked out, she was more worried about what would happen to the small pup in her absence. Still, she had faith that Ven would understand or at least not be mad at her for her decision.

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Ah.

Alright, not something she was really expecting. For a few moments Vendrussel fell silent on thinking upon the matter ; a packmate sleeping with another. Any other moment it wouldn't be something to think twice about, and was even thankful that Serenity brought this discussion to view.. Though Dragonford, when she looked at it — there was an even divide of children and warriors, and with none having a mate the thought of a litter actually being born to the isle did not come through. Pups appearing was another matter, children she wouldn't throw in the wild. But making them, was another altogether.

With a heavy heart she asked, "Did you take black cohosh after?" The other provided an anxiety, a fear as she coiled around the young more often and only could look at her with a solemn expression ; a slight ting in her heart for even needing to recommend so..

But.. Vendrussel, knew it wasn't the time to bring children to the foil. Especially a motherless girl who only danced with a bit of fun with another — but she couldn't risk toying such pregnancy into the wind with war on the tides. To lose a warrior and even more simply protecting these young, newborns, was altogether different then the already half-year olds that went around the isle. They did not need the same care, they did not need a true parent to stay upon them 24/7. They were found, abandoned with none, unlike others that may make so upon the isle.

Pregnancy, was not an option at the moment, and looked upon Serenity with an answer, whether she took it or not. Even Vendrussel knew, the plant was a conception to avoid children.

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She tensed herself, waiting for the fall out, the yelling, the anger. But none of that came, instead a simple question. For a moment, the woman hesitated, should she lie and say she did? No, she didn't want to lie to the woman that had been nothing but nice to her. But if she told the truth, would the woman demand that she take the herb and attempt to terminate her possible pregnancy? She knew she should, just take the herb and not think twice about it. Honestly its something that she normally would do, after all she was too much of a free spirit to deal with children. But, looking down at the small creature in her arms, she couldn't bring herself to possibly kill any small creatures that were possibly forming in her belly. 

Finally, she would sigh and shake her head, looking up at the woman with a silent plea. "I have not..." She said simply, keeping the sentence open. After a few moments, she would speak up, her voice determined. "If I am, I can take care of them. I will raise them along side Kailani, I will raise them alone to be strong dragons for the ford. I can do it." She watched the woman closely, her stubbornness showing as it was clear she had already made up her mind.

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"I urge you to take one before it's too late." She glanced at the others belly ; the situation was far too new to even tell if the seeds had been rested within her womb and children would come through. Only time would tell, and yet that time was not wanted. She gazed at the young child, not someone born within Dragonford and the mother? No where to be known or said, even if the attempt of the search was one who to say they'd ever find? Vendrussel wasn't willing to send warriors out on a no-mans game, with no direction.

"We are at war, Serenity," she gazed up and looked at the other, "how long would that be? A year for you? Another year for them to be even able to fight? That is not time we have, or even can afford. " Another time maybe they'd be bless, and by the Ancients would she welcome so with open arms — but they can't afford to be a pack of children, and lessen their odds on protecting. Even Vendrussel knew she was already teetering the line with how many she kept accepting, that would not help for a few seasons.

At the very least, the dragoness can control this.

"If you insist," her gaze drifted outside the cave, "I will bring you somewhere else that possibly can." She already had one in mind.

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The woman closed her eyes slightly, taking a deep breath as she listened to the woman's words. There was the argument and the yelling that she was expecting. However, she said nothing, not really having any place to argue. After all, this was Ven's pack and no matter what the earthen woman said, nothing would matter, at least that's how Serenity saw it. She was used to her voice meaning very little so it didn't hurt her at all. However, her ears pushed forward as she heard the last words, her face turning to a small snarl. "Are... are you kicking me out?" 

She would move to sit herself up, using her body to protect the child at her feet, keeping the small nugget snuggled into her body. "If you're trying to shove me under the rug by making me another packs problem then please save your breath. I'd rather take my chance on my own." Her voice was more hurt than anything, but she kept her head held high. She knew that trying to care for a newborn litter as well as Kailani on her own would be much more difficult, but she refused to be pushed around like an object that someone didn't want.

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The other snarled and motioned with an aggression ; but she did not follow with the same. She kept her spot, sitting and watching the other with a calm gaze — words thrown that Vendrussel was used to now that she dealt with more aggression from many others, "I am giving you options," so the Alpha said, her ocean look back to the other and watching. She covered the young, and she only gazed lightly at.

"Children being born is not something we can afford. There is only so much leniency to finding abandoned ones on our shore. Most, that can hunt for themselves already." Harsh, perhaps, but she wasn't willing to budge on so. The survival of most was worth more then a bundle that can be prevented, especially since it was so fresh since the making. Was this something she honestly wanted? In the midst of battles and blood-loss to have others come home hurt to possibilities, and her being left on the lines defenseless? To resources having to defend her? Time was what they needed, and could not offer.

"In another time, another life, a day where we don't know of invasion, it'd be a blessing. Yet, instead of chasing you away, I am giving you a choice. To wait for another season, another year, or bare them somewhere safer."

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The woman sighed, her body tense but she was no longer showing aggression towards the woman in front of her. Now, all that shown on her face was sadness and hurt. Slowly, the woman would stand, shaking her head slightly as she did so. "I can't say I understand your decision, as I don't, nor do I stand with you in it. I don't see how kicking me out is 'safer' except maybe for you. What would be safer for the children is to grow up in a pack that is trusted and protected, not out in the wilderness, nor in an unknown pack that could easily kill them without a second thought. I told you this because I trusted you with me and my family." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath as she tried to keep herself calm, refusing to show emotions. "But I will not flash fangs at you again, for that I am sorry." 

Reaching down, she would pick up the child by the scruff of her neck, moving to walk out of the den that for a while, though brief, she called home. "Though we likely won't see each other around anymore, I do wish you the best." With that, the woman would begin to walk away, tears in her eyes as she did so. She would need to find a safe den soon, a place where she could keep Kailani safe and still hunt for herself.

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Vendrussel shook her head — the other did not see reason, but the dragoness could not blame her either. Those who were mothers, and wished so, were often more protective ; and especially so denied that opportunity. But she was not here during the time she laid on show with a broken leg, nor' when others were attacked upon the beach. Not even when, she too, had slain another in midst of battle. Who could say that could not happen to any of them? "Do you desire children so much that you cannot wait the season?" She asked with an honesty, and a questioning on why so. Did @Jun wish the same, and that was why a night was spent? She would have to seek him out later. For that was the only new member, that was male.

"I could say a lot, to defend such reasons. Yet, I already know you are set." Just as she wouldn't with the other who left ; both who were set in their motions. Though Vendrussel wouldn't say she was right within her ways, for everyone had a way that was 'right' to them. She saw herself protecting the pack, and the numbers that would need to protect the members that would waste away tending to Serenity — a waste, because battles were happening on their very shore. Who would wish for birth in the midst of blood?

But she knew Serenity saw herself right, wanting to raise young somewhere safe and beloved — a family. The child was scooped up, a determination to leave with the other and she ; would not stop so. For the Alpha had set her as the mother, and that was what she is, and would be to the small hatchling. She would not fight for that.

"Be safe, seek Elysium." 

Vendrussel would watch the other — and though a heavy-heart would set and a sadness twinkling within her view, she would not change such a decision. To take the conception, or to wait for the upcoming days for elsehwere — in the same place she mentioned, Elsyium. Now, she would have to watch the other leave, and.. Bare her from returning.

To turn your back on the ford, was not welcomed to return to.

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The woman sighed slightly at the leader's words, stopping as she walked away and for a moment, placing the small pup down so she could turn and speak her mind. Her voice rose slightly as she spoke, though there was no malice in her words, simply determination. "Please don't take this the wrong way Vendrussel, but you have your own beliefs and practices and though I don't have a pack or followers to make my ideals important, I do have them. I dislike the idea of going out of my way to end a possible pregnancy. The way I see it, if the Gods don't wish me to bare children from that night, they will see it so. However, if I do, then it is their will. I will not tamper with that." 

She sighed slightly as she sook her head, her voice soft and quite for a moment. "I accepted your ideals and was very curious to learn more, even though they were not mine. However I'm beginning to wonder if you refuse to do the same." The woman would hesitate for a moment, curious to see what the other woman would say to that. However, she was tense, ready to grab her pup and run if the other woman found it reasonable to attack.

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the girl stirs.

raised voices, the shifting of her mother, the sudden pull at her scruff and the disappearance of solid ground, it is more than enough to rouse her.

"...mama?" she mumbles as she's set down, eyes heavily lidded. why was there such a ruckus when her belly was full and she wished to sleep?

fully skippable!

---

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"When ideals could cost the lives of others, then there is a point where we should look upon it. That, I have learned." She did not wish to see the other leave, the woman of an earth-heart, who took in the pup that called to her as mama. There was pity as she then glanced at the child who would not be raised among the seas, where he was casted to — but she would not tear him away from the woman he claims as so. She already made mistakes, blood upon her paws and the beach itself, and Vendrussel.. Wouldn't stand for that to continue.

The timing was wrong. She only wished the two bed another day, another year ; and a celebration would be matched. Instead, she wished the other would stray it away or at the very least be wayward in another pack within the meanwhile. Somewhere safer, and not born within a war where protection would needed to be split and so. Already, was there children, and already, was a fear if they were caught in-between.

She would look at Serenity, calm within a gaze — but would not change her opinion. Nor', would she stop the other leaving. Yet.. They would not be welcomed back. She would not, accept any who turned their back on the ford.

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The woman sighed, shaking her head slightly. "I just don't understand it and I don't see it from your position, I'm sorry. Children aren't just bundles of responsibilities. That's how children get tossed to the side like garbage, when their parents think things like that. Children can grow and be raised to be amazing and strong individuals capable of not only protecting their own pack, but also creating new ones. They are the strongest bonds and connections you will ever make."

She would sigh and shake her head, a sad look on her face, looking down at her daughter, the woman would smile, an extremely warm smile that showed nothing but love and care. Perhaps she had enjoyed the feeling of love she experienced from adopting Kailani that she was excited for her own litter. Either way, this small dog pup as well as the babies that may be growing inside her, were more important to her than anyone else and their wants or needs. 

"Thank you Vendrussel." She said as she turned to leave, flashing a warm and thankful smile at the woman that took her in. "I know I will never be allowed back and you will always look at me as a traitor and a deserter, but I will always see you as a friend, and as someone who helped me." With that, she would turn to leave, only stopping if the woman in question stopped her.

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"You are not seen as a traitor, only someone who believes she is right." As disagreements continued and words wounding in circles, Vendrussel did not respond to her. She wouldn't understand the Alpha's view, the burden of taking the punch-lines of having to defend the pack, and believe what is best, especially when risk was. Others may kick and bite the other, sending out in a banishment of sorts ; but, she was not such a wolf. She gave Serenity her choices to make, and she chose to forgo them all, and find her own pathway. That is, what destiny so gave. 

And she would respect it, especially if it meant protecting the rest. This is what Vendrussel believed was right, and her thoughts would not waver. Children, were not meant for the pack at the current time. 

"Goodbye, Serenity."

And she would wish the other off, and seek out @Jun. Later within the day, announce she has left.  

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