And this is Xur reminding you to have your Ghost spayed or neutered

^^Cirilla had a dream about the sister that she’d left behind and woke up feeling incredibly guilty. Though deep down, Cirilla knew that her sister wasn’t really her sister - not by blood, anyway, but the guilt was still there.

They had been close and suddenly, she was gone when Cirilla found herself here, and now her life had leveled up from being cheated on to a flaming hot dumpster fire of a mess. There were monster wolves that ate limbs for breakfast and creatures that looked like Cirilla but weren’t canine and weren’t friendly - and then..

And then there was Charaxes, and Cirilla just didn’t know what to do about all of that. She had given her an ear, and things had exploded, and… and.. Cirilla sighed and shook her head as she made her way up to the hot spring to relax in peace.

Of course that was ruined when she spotted the very canine she was trying to avoid. Her ears flattened as she stared. What was she doing? She couldn’t tell. Did she see her already, or could she turn around and leave?

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 No matter what went on in her life, no matter what she did... she always had the nightmares to deal with. Would it last forever? Maybe she should ask Reiko if she still had dreams of that white monster. Those fangs glistening in blood, the eyes glowering red, the searing pain... and then she'd wake. Stare at her missing limb and realize that while the pain was gone she still had the nightmare to contend with.

 But she was trying.

 Even though it was so difficult to want to do anything but berate herself.

 One thing was for certain tonight though, she did not want to go back to sleep. There were herbs she could use but she didn't want to be forced back in the ring with Vera's shadow. No, she had other things she could do. Drained and tired, she made her way out of her den and into the light of the full moon. She would look up briefly, staring at that pure white disc... and then she'd continue on her way. She'd grab two rabbits and then head towards the hot springs. That was where she'd had the interaction with Reiko, where the empress had given her her new job. It was an important one and though she was proud of herself... she still felt like she wasn't the best. Not really.

 But she'd try...

 But it was hard to fight her own demons back.

 She walked up the snowy path, all the way to the hot spring. There she placed the rabbits down on a large rock while she eased herself into the water. In this fashion, she was able to work on removing their coats to make into new pelts for the residents of Shiroshika. She was busy doing this, it distracted her and while she wasn't happy, she was content. The springs and keeping her fangs busy distracted her.

 But it didn't distract her enough that she didn't see a certain brindled wolf making their way towards her.

 Fuck!

 Her fur spiked out with a dose of adrenaline and she began to feverishly work on the rabbit, quite possibly mutilating its poor coat and making a rather poor pelt. She tried to ease herself further down in the water, hoping that she wouldn't be seen. It had worked, avoiding Cirilla, but she should have known her luck wouldn't hold forever... Should she say something? No. What was there to say? She couldn't. She spiraled into her dark thoughts, thinking about how Cirilla probably hated her and how she was better off without her. Yeah, yeah, she should just say nothing.

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^^In the beginning, Cirilla had been so heartbroken over her mother’s betrayal that she, too, had nightmares. Now she was heartbroken over losing Charaxes, that she didn’t want to sleep; she didn’t want to live the same guilt in her subconscious, too - and so she did her best not to sleep.

She patrolled like Reiko had wanted, patrolled until she passed out from the lack of sleep; or she hunted, and awoke where she didn’t remember being. Sometimes she would dream; sometimes she would remember those dreams - like with her sister.

Other times, it felt like blacking out and there were holes of time missing. Other times, those dreams were nightmares. Vera eating Charaxes and Reiko, and.. Cirilla being too kind to stop it, or Cirilla unable to protect them.

And now Cirilla and Charaxes were face to face, wanting to avoid each other. Was it obvious? Probably, but Cirilla was too tired to care. She took a few more steps closer, noting the rabbits, not sure what to make of them and simply thinking about how soft Charaxes’ coat looked and how nice it would be to simply curl up next to her and sleep peacefully.

Cirilla decided she’d do just that. Fuck whatever it was that was going on between them. They were still friends, in the least, right? They could talk it out. Cirilla was so tired, and mm, that coat, it looked so soft - but thinking about sleep and seeing Charaxes' coat, Cirilla took one step and greatly miscalculated just how tired she was - and her darling Charaxes was still a good distance away but -

Cirlla took one step towards her and crash landed in the snow.

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 Oh god, oh jeez, she was getting closer! The earthen toned falcon tried to sink further and further into the water, she was there all the way up to her cheeks even. Ears lowered so that she might be less distinguishable… although it was a child’s gamble, to try to hide in plain sight. She knew she was being immature just like she knew when she was being an asshole, yet she was either too stubborn or too emotionally incapable of doing anything but following through with her basal impulses.

 Please no, please no. She silently begged whatever deities up above that were listening. She didn’t want to have the interaction, she didn’t know how it would go or what she would say or—
 Cirilla fell.

 Face first. Right in the snow!

 Panic set in. She was terrified that the delicate flower had fainted or had hurt herself or—the possibilities were endless.

 With no regard for herself, she bolted out of the water. Not thinking about the fact that she had three legs. No. She only thought of getting over to her and fast. And fast she was. Crossing the distance through water into the snow and to Cirilla in a matter of seconds.

 She reached down, nosing and licking her face. ”Ciri! Ciri! Are you okay?! What happened? Are you hurt?” No matter if they avoided each other or not… she still cared so much.

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^^The brindle babe had been so lost over losing her darling dear that she tried to focus on everything else excluding the bleeding heart that she’d had. She feared confronting Charaxes in which things would usually take a turn for the worse - so she did her best at work and other things, and with her own nightmares, Cirilla became a sleepless zombie.

That was, until the lack of catching up with her. It could be for a few moments; it could be for a few hours, Cirilla never really knew. In this instance, it was for a few moments, but that’s all it seemed to take before there were voices and licks to the face and the smell of her sweet, sweet, darling Charaxes.

Charaxes.

CHARAXES.

The butterfly that had teleported to her spot and was nosing her and licking her face, concern in her tone as Cirilla yelped awake and moved away from her. “AHHHHH.. YEP YEP YEP… FINE. I’M FINE! JUST FINE.” Cirilla screamed, circling to get her bearings and shaking her coat, panting. She blinked at the falcon-butterfly who had teleportation powers, blinking at her, then at the rabbits, then back at her and slowly sitting down in a way that might suggest that Cirilla had never touched snow before.

“How.. how did you get here? You were.. you were over there? Right??”

And then she closed her eyes for a moment and swayed. She nearly hit the snow again, though catching herself, and opening her eyes wide and smiling as if to say: Nothing to see here. You didn’t see that. I’m fine, really.

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 Well, good news was that the striped lady was not so severely injured that she couldn't react to Gyrfalcon's attentions. The bad news was that she was now over here and couldn't pretend as if she hadn't seen her. Although the former thing outweighed the latter. The butterfly was happy that Cirilla was well enough to jerk away and almost immediately get up when she was licked. Gyrfalcon watched as Cirilla circled round and assured her quite loudly that she was just A-OK. Gyrfalcon felt her tail threatening to tuck. The bravado that she had when she was dealing with Kuhn seemed to all but evaporate when the sweet bee was involved. At least... that's how it felt recently. Granted, she wouldn't want to use her anger on Cirilla... She didn't like being mad at her. She just wanted to get along.

 And be happy...

 But she knew that wasn't going to happen.

 "That's... good." She said, glancing back at the rabbits. Should she just call it a night and head back. Maybe she should--

 “How.. how did you get here? You were.. you were over there? Right??” She looked back at Cirilla in confusion. Wha--? "I ran over here." She said, as if it should be obvious.

 There was a brief pause and then slowly a look of realization crossed her face.

 "I. Ran. Over here." She said each word aloud as if she couldn't believe it herself and had to repeat it for it to be real. "I. RAN." Her eyes twinkled and she gave a little hop, stumbled, but corrected herself with a laugh. She'd run and crossed the distance in a flash.

 Just like she used to when she had four legs.

 "I RAN, BUMBLEBEE! I RAN!" And she didn't care about the fact that they were estranged in that moment, she hopped forward and attempted to wrap her foreleg around the smaller canine in a hug while she laughed and sobbed happily. "I CAN RUN! I CAN STILL RUN!"

 She felt better than she had in months.

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^^Had Cirilla not been so exhausted, she might have feared that this little encounter with Charaxes might turn aggressive, as things had lately, but she was too tired to care right now. And then Charaxes stated the obvious, yes, but who knew that she could fly?

Charaxes glanced at the rabbits, as if to suggest that she needed to leave until the realization dawned on her and oh lord - Charaxes was beaming with such happiness, that Cirilla just couldn’t help herself and admire her. Those eyes twinkled and she gave a laugh when she corrected herself, instead of being a grump, and –

“I love you.”

They were estranged and actively avoided each other. Charaxes was aggressive, with a temper that could quite literally rival a tiger, and Cirilla was - well, she didn’t know what she was in comparison, but she wasn’t aggressive unless Charaxes was threatened.

And yet, seeing her so happy, Cirilla couldn’t help herself - but now she had hoped that perhaps Charaxes hadn’t heard her. Perhaps she’d been too happy about running. Then she was hugging her and laughing and screaming to the world that she could run.

“N-no, m’love, you didn’t run. You flew. No wonder you’re named after a birb.” Cirilla smirked and nuzzled her, and oh - that was a mistake, because her coat was so soft - so soft, Cirilla wanted to melt into and sleep so hard.

She hoped that she would get the chance to.

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 "I love you." Just three little words. Three words that were so powerful. They were spoken in such a way that she might have missed them if she was paying a little less attention but heck, she managed to hear them. They snapped to laser focus in her mind, replaying over and over again. They'd never said those words to each other before. Even if they had felt it, the utterance had never passed their lips.

 They were there and she was embracing the beautiful she-wolf, holding her in her forepaw while she looked down at those soft brown eyes. She could feel that feeling inside of her, the blossoming feeling she felt when Cirilla was around. Before all of the madness with the tiger had happened when the woman had brought her out and let her know what it was like again to smile. She chased away the dark clouds, once again, she was the catalyst for joy in her life.

 She placed her head on top of Cirilla's, smiling and crying. "You're too good for me, you know that? But you're always right here for me." Right where she needed to be when she needed it. "And I love you too." She always felt like she was just going through the motions but she hadn't truly been happy like this in so long. Just sitting here, embracing the yellow bee... it felt like everything was right.

 It's temporary...

 The thunder rumbled in the back of her mind, threatening to snatch away this fleeing moment of joy. "I--you know... you know I'm still the same wolf, right?" The same angry one who'd argued with Kuhn, who'd argued with her, who couldn't regulate her emotions sometimes. The grump. All of it... It was her. She didn't want this to end but she knew she should make sure that the beautiful wolf still knew.

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^^The brindled woman was silent for a moment, grinning and shaking her head even though Gryfalcon’s head was on her head. “Of course I’m always right here? Where else would I go?” Translation: you’re my entire world.

Cirilla turned to nuzzle into her, nibbling softly at her neck with a deep inhale. Her eyes narrowed as Gryfalon claimed to be the same wolf. “Mmmm… are you sure about that?” Cirilla challenged softly, narrowing her eyes and stepping back to glance her up and down.

And then she dropped to the ground, with her butt in the air, and barked, wagging her tail. She leaned forward to paw or nip at Gryfalcon and then ran away, doing so - even if it took several times - until Gyrfalcon gave chase.

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 And just like that, it was like their fight had never happened.

 Gyrfalcon felt like she could fly over the moon.

 Or run fifteen thousand miles in three minutes.

 She didn't ever want to let go as she felt tears streaming down her cheeks.

 Though, the embrace couldn't last forever and when Cirilla eased away to begin to entice her to play.

 She didn't give into the thunderclouds brewing, not for long, she indulged herself and tested her newfound freedom. She dared to try happiness again.

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