I Can See a Tear on My Father's Face Before It Falls Out

someone she hasn't met? sorry this is long she's remembering some memories

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Glancing into the unknown all she saw was the endless waste of grass. Trees seemed to poke out in the distance, but not thick enough to be anything of interest. As far as Gwen saw it, she had two options...continue off mindlessly to the east, or backtrack her steps and see what the south had to offer. Beyond the mountains looked like they would be promising, but there was the danger of what might lay that way as well. Better than days of nothing though and having to come back.

A few days had passed since her trip to the tumultuous rest of the north, and with it her paws grew weary. She wasn't sure when she convinced herself to rest, but it was now that she curled as a ball amongst a field of frozen flowers. Her sleep would not be dreamless, faces of her past flashing as pieces started to fill in the gaps that she had forgotten. Ever since she met that falcon guy she seemed to remember parts.

She could now see her father's face, her brothers, her sister. They were happy and it seemed like only in her dreams could she feel their presence. Part of her knew that it was not real, that the woods were fake and her siblings who were frolicking about, jeering at her while she sat from the sidelines, were not actually there, their words nothing but wind on deaf ears. Still, she clung to it, the small memories mixed with the fake of her subconscious. It was all she had now and she'd gladly spend the extra time asleep if it meant staying here a bit longer.

Something was different that night though...they were happy yes, but something...something was wrong. Gwen could hear her father yell, his words discernible as he rushed away from the clearing. The shouting seemed to gather all of her siblings' attention as well and without a second though she was on her feet, rushing after. A body laid in the distance, her father shouting over it as he shook it. When she tried to look though, there was nothing recognizable about the face. In fact...it was almost as if her face has been covered, blocked out, and scratched over like a bad memory.

Though she couldn't see her, Gwen already knew who it was that laid still. The feeling was all too familiar as something twisted in her gut, the pained cries of her sister twisting her innards like a knife. She found it hard to swallow, hard to breathe if she had even been breathing in the first place. Hesitantly, she glanced up to see her father's face, pain laced into his features as he tried not to cry. Even so...there was still one tear that would not escape her eye. One step forward and she'd open her maw, though no words came out and the next she would fall.

Her body never hit the ground, instead, she had jolted awake, a gasp choking her as she quickly panted to catch her breath. For a moment she did not know where she laid, blue eyes struggling to focus on her surroundings as her eyes skimmed frantically for the scene that had just been before her. It was gone though, but the memory remained. She could remember now, or at least another part of her story. Did it even matter anymore though? She was surrounded by nothing, empty meadows filled with the last of this season's bloom before the frost ate away at what remained.

Glancing up she could see the light fade in at the edges of the horizon. It was early apparently, and on the opposite side, she could see how close the mountains had grown. She was nearly at the edge now, woods bordering the far corner of the meadow while a river cut the other side. “Right...” It was all coming back slowly now, she was heading south. Nothing looked familiar, but now her mind swarmed with images of woods. Maybe that was where she needed to be then.

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It was clear that she wasn't going to find her family any time soon, if at all, and the free-spirited girl had felt... sad, when she realised it. She loved company as much as she loved to be on the move and yet she had lost her family before it had really began. Lila couldn't even remember the faces of her parents, only knowing that she was the same in colouration to her mother. Her father? She was certain one of her brothers looked like him but even her siblings were of fuzzy memory in her brain. Lila could remember their names but not their faces, vague hints of colours of their eyes yet that was all. The girl had suffered a gigantic sigh as she found another dead end, not quite looking for her family anymore but for someone, anyone to sate her boredom.

The meadow was pretty, colourful and the sky too, yet Dalila had found that it didn't particularly pull her to stay. Nowhere did. She was always on the move, looking for something that she didn't know or couldn't ever find; her belly growling with the same hunger that her heart felt. She ate little these days, her thick fur somewhat hiding the edges of her bones but she ate scraps, falling behind in growth since having to learn to hunt on her own and existing on her own. Dalila hadn't ever been fated to grow tall like her father, appearing to grow at the same rate her little mother had.

It was not entirely an easy existence, giving her desire to explore and adventure, given that she had to slow here and there as with the little food she ate, her stamina and speed was not quite there. The girl heaved a sigh as she walked through the flowers, her brow puckered as she wondered if there was anything out here for her. ^^

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Gwen rose her her paws, each limb stretched out before she shifted her weight to it. Her legs felt like thorns had been poking into them causing them to grow numb and almost painful with the chill of the open meadow, but shaking them seemed to help alleviate the feeling. The morning was still early so perhaps she would find an easy meal as creatures tried their luck in the chilling morning to outrun and out wake their predators. Unfortunately for them, she was never one to sleep in. Too much to do when you lived on your own to take the fortune of sleeping in.

Picking her way through the flowers, Gwen’s nose would twitch as she bobbed her head in various directions searching for what scents were fresh and pick them out from the stale. There was bound to be something to eat with all the lush open vegetation. What caught her eye first though was not the pale or brown hide of a hare or some shrew, it was vibrant reds on a small figure, just too large to be a fox or coyote. It was a girl….and she looked far too young to be on her own quite yet. Old enough to survive, just as she had, but too young to be forced into the harsh cold that awaited with eager fangs beyond the claims of packs.

Perhaps though she was not on her own just yet. There were packs coating the mountains and they hadn’t been that far from the range. If she was here it was well possible that a guardian lingered somewhere nearby. Something she definitely did not want to find herself between. Opening her jaw though Gwen didn’t….smell a pack on the wind. Or really any fresh wolf scents aside from their own. Was she lost then? She highly doubted she’d wander out this far from a pack without some kind of watchful eyes, but maybe that had just been the pack she was raise in.

Cautious as ever, she would keep her distance as she slowly closed some of the land, eyes watchful for their surroundings while always going back to the girl should she suddenly grow tense or aggressive. “Hey, you. You out here on your own?” What better way to avoid the trouble than just ask outright. No kid should have to be alone, especially with winter coming, but if she wasn’t no way in hell was she going to hang around.

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A voice. Was it a voice or was it in her head, eager to make up the company she so craved? Dalila looked up, startled and curious, her eyes wide as a doe as she glanced around to find another wolf. Coloured delicately tones of peaches, she called to her with a greeting and a question. Lila's tail gave a slow wag as it came from it's dangled state, coming to life with the promise of company and conversation. Tentatively her ears curved forward as a delighted grin stretched upon her youthful features and though the question gave a sadness to her heart, Dalila nodded, "alone," she sighed, almost dramatically as she huffed a sigh, her frowning as she looked rather displeased at the answer. "Alone for longer than I can remember, actually," Lila supplied, voice light though the sadness crept in as she appraised the other woman.

Older, bigger but not terribly so and it was with little restraint that she had kept herself rooted to the spot surrounded by the flowers for moments after she replied, the girl was moving forward. Jovially did she swing her legs, looking to get closer to the older woman with her youthful features bright with delight. "You're the first I have seen in months!" Dalila exclaimed, sniffing the air to take in the scent of the woman -- though certainly the scent of the flowers were strong and in full force. She giggled softly, coming to life in the presence of another and not the solitude that came with her own company.

"And you?" The girl retorted, returning the question with intrigue lining her vocals as she tilted her head curiously. "Are you alone?" being alone was a frustrating thing. Dalila liked to explore and adventure but it came at a price. Had she had her family, perhaps they could have explored together -- but that wasn't the case. She was alone and her heart felt blackened, dying without the company of others in a way that she thought was mighty unfair. She couldn't even remember the details of their faces. Had she been able to, perhaps she could have used them to bring her comfort when the nights were long and lonely, the days vibrant but empty.

^^

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Alone. The word was spoken in a tone that conveyed more than the word itself. Already she felt a pull towards the girl, her nerves still on end, not completely trusting of such a young innocent face. There were wolves that were not so nice out there. Wolves that could deceive, and those who would abuse those who would draw others in for nasty things. Even as the girl looked so excited to see her, she remained rooted and Gwen would do the same, though now they would be close enough to speak face to face. The blues of her eyes gave a quick scan once more to their surroundings, confirming that none of the woods or shrubs were close enough for an ambush before she turned her gaze back to the girl in question.

“Alone.” Just like her. Though admittedly, by now that had been all a choice all on her own. She still could not remember everything, but she had more pieces to the puzzle now. She had been in a pack once…and then for whatever reason her family took to the road. It wasn’t a bad life, they saw a lot of things got to eat various kinds of meals. She had enough siblings for them all to keep warm as well. Like…a mini pack, but it was just her family.

This girl hadn’t chosen to be alone though, that much was clear when she said she hadn’t seen another wolf in months. How she wasn’t really sure with all the pack scents to the west, but, well, she was young. Maybe her tracking wasn’t very good. Or maybe she just didn’t know where to look. “You’re awfully young to be on your own for months.” How old was she anyways? She couldn’t be more than a fresh yearling. She would know, she had only just passed her second year. Maybe she was the age of her own sister… but Phoebe wasn’t really suited to live on her own, even at her age. She wasn’t raised tough, she was blessed with comfort until…they weren’t.

Now she didn’t even know where she was. If she was alone, or with their brothers. The thought pulled her lips into a thin pressed line as she squinted at the girl before her. “You looking for a pack?” Even with her biased against them, it wasn’t her decision to make that choice for her. She would be better off in one so long as the leaders had a good head on their shoulders. If that’s not what she wanted then…well, that would be another situation.

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The girl had no enemies to speak of but perhaps even if she had, she wouldn't have wished for anyone else to feel the loneliness as she had. As seemingly the delicately coloured woman had, for she reiterated Dalila's sentiment. Sadly, the girl whined as she stared at her, unhappy that she had been wrought with the same feeling of being alone but... perhaps it had been by choice? Though Dalila couldn't understand why someone would want to, she supposed to each their own. Had she approached Lila with conversation had she wanted to truly be alone, though? Even if she had, she had drawn herself into her own fate when she had drawn Dalila willingly into conversation. 

Dalila didn't notice the way the other woman looked around cautiously, looking to make sure no trap had been set and the red-furred wolf hadn't been the bait. Not one to be observant, really, when it came to others, Dalila pressed on with her excitement in no longer being alone that she paid little mind to much else going on around her. It was likely the ground could shake with an earthquake and she would remain ignorant to it, too engrossed in her happiness as the solitude had been broken. Young? She supposed so, though she had been younger a month or two ago and she had been alone then!

Though true, it had not been her choice. "My family are gone," she stated simply, her tone quaking as she shouldered her feelings as if trying to appear strong despite the heartbreak it had wrought. Was she allowed to be heartbroken when she couldn't even remember their faces in details? Just... colours? She shifted on her paws, "I don't know what I'm doing." She chirped merrily, as if the struggle of her existence was one to be cheery about. Dalila didn't like to wallow, though she did find herself moaning from time to time and being as dramatic as one could be, she never truly settled into genuine sadness. It made things all too real, a quality she'd never know she had gotten from her mother. 

At the question, Dalila furrowed her brow as she thought on it. "I... don't know," she shrugged, "I don't really know much about them. Or us in general, really." What she had learned, she had learned from her own lessons. "I just want to not be alone! And to adventure, there's a big wide world out there," she whined as she barely resisted to stamp her paw on the ground. Tentatively, the girl pressed forward again, having not been told to steer clear of the woman as she sought out to be closer. Company was better when there was not as much distance between them!

"Are you looking for a Pack?" She parroted back to her, head tilting to the other side as her mismatched gaze watched her curiously. To her knowledge she couldn't really smell anyone else on her, but Dalila thought that it meant nothing -- she wasn't entirely sure what she was looking for when sniffing out scents. The small bits of hunting she did were likely luck at this point, her dipping hipbones testament to that but once more she had inherited more than her mothers colouring -- the plush fur not having yet been touched by lacking vitamins and health.

Dalila was unwilling to allow the interaction to be over so soon, eager to throw back any questions or comments to the older woman as if to keep her here until Dalila would run out of things to say. Though that was certainly no easy feat, for she always had something to say. ^^

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Maybe the two were destined by some strange fate to find each other in this weird….world. She still didn’t know how she got here, where here was, where her family was. Had she even been with them before now? Still so many questions floating around her brain but they would do her little to have the answers now, especially when there were more pressing matters in the moment. Still, she only hummed under her breath as she glanced over the girl’s frame.

It had been hard to see at first and it wasn’t until her third or fourth glance over that she actually noticed the state of the girl. Her fur was plush, deceivingly so but not enough to hide the poke of ribs at certain curves where the light hit just right. Maybe everything she said was true after all. She looked hungry and if she had no one and hadn’t known anyone for months then it was likely her hunting skills were…nothing to brag about. Phoebe hadn’t been the best hunter either when they first took to the road, but she was smart. Untraditional in many senses but she had new ideas for them to try when shit just wouldn’t go their way.

“No. I haven’t been in a pack since I was around your age.” In a way she was almost relieved to hear that she too didn’t want a pack, but realistically it wasn’t the smart move. She didn’t need to ask why she wouldn’t settle, she had already explained that she wanted to see the world and sure the world wasn’t going anywhere, but sometimes leaving a pack was harder than just walking out. 

“So ya got no family, no home, and you don’t know what you’re doing.” That pretty much summed it up, but it was about what she expected. There was nothing really wrong with that other than her quality of life was likely lacking. Her stomach certainly was. Gwen sighed through her nose, her eyes wandering once more as she glanced idly around the meadow. “Guess we have to fix that then huh. You won’t last winter if you can’t feed yourself now.” Right. Winter. That was coming soon and she was aware of it, but she hadn’t even realized that this kid was likely going to die if someone didn’t take her under their wing for the season. Maybe that was just the cycle of life, but a group of kids on their own was nothing new to her.

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Her nose wriggled with the information that the other wolf divulged, her head cocking back and forth as she listened, intrigued. She was packless too, then. Since she had been Dalila's age -- was that long, she wondered? The girl knew the other wolf was older than her but she couldn't tell by how much. Still she frowned, thinking that the woman must have been lonely. Dalila had been, terribly so, with only herself for company and the occasional critter though they did not speak wolf-tongue and it had made for very one-sided conversation. Her sanity was in tact though one might argue she wasn't sane to begin with!

As the woman summed up Lila's existence, she looked somewhat bashful as she giggled in embarrassment -- yeah, that was about right. It wasn't that she hadn't tried but what she knew what what she had taught by drawing to her own conclusions. She was a lot of things but a prime example of a successful wolf was not one of them, something the other must be able to see so very easily even without Dalila's explanation of her situation. Her mismatched gaze drew towards the other womans own eyes, coloured in sky blue and her ears stood upon her head, eager for attention.

"Fix it?" the girl echoed as she felt her tail begin to wag as she drew to her on conclusion, perhaps seeing things that weren't there as the implication of only mentioning winter made it seem like it was a temporary plan yet... Dalila threw her own plan into the mix as she smiled, broad and lively. "You aren't going to leave me?" the fox-like girl inquired hopefully, unable to leave the company of the peach-coloured wolf now that she had no longer been alone. It was a difficult thing for her to navigate -- well, that and the world itself but loneliness was something that she didn't deal with nicely, or that she wanted to deal with at all, actually. "We're fixing it! Together," Lila chirped merrily as her tail flagged in the air, readily ignoring the fact she didn't entirely know what they were fixing.

She only focused on the we and the possibility that she'd not have to suffer through her own company and listening only to the noises of the world. "How are we fixing it?" ^^

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Funny thing about being without a pack, it didn’t always mean being alone. She hadn’t known the thoughts going through the other girl’s head, but had she known she may have corrected her. She was without a pack, but by no means had she been alone. She had her family…found and not. They had all been young, but they had each other and that was more than they could really ask for at their age. The packs around them weren’t very interested in taking in a group of kids with winter in full swing, and even if she didn’t like it or agree she could understand.

Most young wolves were not very good at holding their own. They hadn’t been great per say, but they tried and they knew enough to at least pull their own weight. That still wouldn’t be enough though to sell themselves to strangers. To them they were all just dead weight and far too much of it for them all to stay together. But whatever, right? She didn’t need them, they were as much of a hinderance as they were a benefit.

It was plain as day as the the girl’s excitement rose. Maybe she had been denied entrance to packs too, though that still didn’t explain how she had been alone for so long. A single ear would flick as she stared back at her, “I can’t let a kid starve or leave one that…” that clearly won’t make it through the season That thought would be saved for herself though, her childish innocence too plain to shatter with the news of the real world. Huffing a sigh Gwen turned on her heels with a flick of her tail. “Come on. Tell me what you can do.”

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What she can do?

Lila's features scrunched up as she looked to be in deep thought, wondering what skills she really had -- she had survived this long by herself! Not easily, mind, if the bone of her hips were of any indication but... she gave a huff as she swung her head back and groaned. "I... can follow a trail...?" Dalila tried, thinking of the little critters she had managed to catch and not the meals she had scavenged. She moved to follow Gwen then, galloping behind her to reach the golden womans side. "I'm a good source of encouragement! You won't find yourself fighting your own corner," the red girl offered, her mismatched gaze twinkling.

It was true. It wasn't necessarily a skill, she supposed, but she was loyal when it came down to it. Perhaps not in the normal sense of a wolf loyal to a Pack but she was loyal to individuals. Gwen could be that individual! "I... can't exactly fight... physically," Lila added with afterthought, bashful as she cleared her throat. "But!" She exclaimed with a grin, "I'm open to learning anything," she nodded, furthering her point with a merry skip in her step. ^^

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wrap here? I can get another thread up in a few days

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Follow a trail, ok well that was a start. That meant she knew how to find a meal at least even if she couldn't catch one and if they both wandered at some distance she should be able to find her way back. Gwen had never really been a "settler" not since her family took to the road. She was used to waking up when she wanted and moving when she wanted. If that meant a headstart on whatever new destination she'd sit at for a few days then at least Dalila could find her and know she wasn't just abandoned.

“Tracking is good. It's a foundation for lots of things.” Hopefully she could use that nose to stay out of trouble too, but...she did make it this far. That was something, even if she was starving. As the red-streaked girl bound to her side she'd cast a glance from the corner of her eyes to the glittering expression cast her way. For a moment she saw a flash of another forcing her to hide a wince as she tore her eyes away to the path ahead.

She's like Phoebe...

The thought was quickly tucked away as Dalila seemed to continue on. There didn't seem to be much to work with but that's about what she had expected. It was enough, she'd be enough. “Fighting can come later. I'm no stranger to a clash so if something happens just run and I'll catch up. You're small so you should use your speed and agility. I'm heading south where it's hopefully warmer. You can use your nose and tell me what you smell along the way. Hunting comes first.” If anything, then at least she could feed herself and escape dangers should they part ways.

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