before the world closes

ooc; before duskguard visit/the pack summit

Valeska had told @Nikolai, no doubt, that Tallulah was asked to come along with the delegation. This only prompted the piebald woman to spend as much time as possible with him before she left. If she had known upon arriving back at Elysium, she would have stalled his joining. Figures, she asked him to join her here and she had to leave. She didn't want Nick to regret his decision or feel lonely. That is not what she wanted out of him.

So she had opted to give him a little space and make friends and allies among the goodhearted people in Elysium. She still was around and they still patrolled together, hunted too, along with socialization... But Tallulah didn't think keeping him all to herself was the right way to go. A pack was a family. He deserved some time to himself. Nick was still a guy. Guys liked guy time, right? As she carried a rabbit to the cache and deposited it, she turned and saw him.

"Hey!" she chuffed to the young man, a bit away from her. Tallulah closed the distance easily, trotting over to him and bopping her snout against his cheek, giving a gentle lick.

the staff team luvs u

It still felt... wrong. Nikolai knew no one here, as much as he appreciated Valeska's company... it was lonely, but he reckoned it was lonely while wandering, too, he merely had less thinking to do when he was so busy keeping himself alive. It was fine, he reasoned, as close as he was to those on the ranch they weren't exactly personable. It was fine, he was useful to others, at least, he hunted small things and helped ensure the gaggle of pups they harbored were well. It didn't matter immensely whether he was comfortable or content, he supposed.

Nikolai was wandering the border today, having seen little of Tallulah the last few days, he supposed that was also something he'd have to adjust to but he made himself useful to her when they met; hunts, patrolling... little else, usefulness, that was his desire so when he heard her holler out, he paused in his stride, and reciprocated the brief affection she gave with a nudge of his heavy head. "Aye there," he said, kicking up his pace again. She'd join and prompt him on anyhow, he reckoned, no need to delay. "Yer' patrollin' or lookin' for a hunt? 'ave to finish this first but I'll follow."

the staff team luvs u

He seemed tired.

"Nah" Tallulah shook her head, gesturing to the cache "just hunted and I ain't gonna patrol fer today" She pulled away from him regretfully, looking at the man up and down "I just wanted to see how ya settlin' in" she added truthfully, worry crossing her eyes "ya know ya ain't confined to Elysium, aye? Ya can wander outside... If ya feelin' constricted."

But that was probably not the only concern Nick had. Her smile slipped into a frown and highlighted the worry already had. He didn't seem to be on a patrol or hunting, but he had said he was finishing up. "If ya want, I'll join ya. In what ya doing?" Two heads better than one, and all that. Especially when work was needing to be done faster.

"Valeska ain't workin' ya too hard?" Her brows lifted.

the staff team luvs u

He followed her motion, nodding silently and the indication of a kill and effortlessly brushing aside the question she proposed. It didn’t make much sense to him. ”I’m settlin’ fine, I think,” he admitted. ”Why would I do that, darlin’? Elysium’s meant to be my stompin’ grounds, it needs patrollin’ n’ all.”

Nikolai kept his pace, aware that she often left him to his own devices for what he supposed was one reason or another and this merely had to be another circumstance. ”Naw, ya’ go an’ rest, ‘ve got this,” with that reassurance, he flashed a slight smile before pulling ahead, she’d turn back soon he reckoned. ”Valeska don’t ask nothin’ much of me, I think I move too much to.” He laughed as he said it but it was true. Nikolai rarely rested, same as he did on the ranch, and the sapling mindset he had slowly developed that worried about him while on the move had effortlessly slotted back into worry for the overall… and Nikolai rarely saw himself included in such.

the staff team luvs u

She chuckled, shaking her head in a fond manner.

"This pack is relaxed more than other packs" Tallulah said "they expect ya t' work and work. No rest. No gratitude" She looked from him to across the Respite "that's why I respect Ms. Valeska and like Elysium" She added "she rewards good work, aye" She smirked this time, catching up to Nick and bumping her body against his "but she likes ye to relax sometimes."

The piebald woman huffed with amusement, flashing him a grin. Wouldn't that be nice?

"Yer more to us all than a body to be put t' work... Ya... know that right?" Did he have low esteem as she did? Did Nick think he had to prove something to other people? "When I got here, I thought..." Tallulah admits "thought I had to work all the time to be useful. To be liked" A pause. "But ya liked me fer doing, at the time, nothin' at all." It hadn't really been a patrol, more like checkin' out a new scent.

But the point was that she understood. It was silly to rush that thought, that he was more than a body to be used. Tallulah still thought that herself from time to time. "But I'm sorry" she added quietly "been busy preparin' fer Duskguard and the Summit. Makin' and mappin' routes. If I left ya alone too long, it weren't cause anything was wrong." With them, no. Not with them. Was he mad about that?

Was he dismissing her? 

Tallulah fell quiet, keeping her woes about Vendrussel's trial to herself. If he was sad or upset, she didn't want to chatter too much. She'd match his mood, and respect the fact he was tired from all the work he was doing. But it needed to be said. "I'm proud of ya, Nick."

the staff team luvs u

His head turned to let his eyes glance over Tallulah, whuffing a little as she bumped into him a little. "Why would I do that?" If you didn't know better, he might convince you he was a puppy with the confusion he revealed, voice innocent in his inquiry. It wasn't until coming to this strange land that he experienced what not working was... and until he arrived in Elysium, the wolfdog managed more than enough in finding endeavors that felt like work. The experience with the Walkers, for one.

In a spin of further bringing uncertainty to him, Tallulah proposed something he hadn't considered to be an issue or something worth reassurance. "It bad to just be that? S'what I was back home," he told her, though he didn't sense the contradiction on his tongue when he carried on, if not only because he didn't do it with the intention of being liked, a guard wasn't meant to be favored, just seen. He truly didn't grasp her sentiment, slightly wondering now if she felt unimportant. "'Course I did, darlin, ya' ain't gotta do nothin' for me ta' like ya', nobody for that matter." He'd handle them if they thought they were all that.

But confusion only bred its kin, Nikolai furrowed his brows, finally pulling to a stop men wiser would have taken minutes before she ever reached such a tone. "Why ya' sorry? That's yer work, ain't nobody need ta' come 'fore that," Nikolai was a little wiser than he gave himself credit for, however, lowering his head to obnoxiously sniff at her face. "That what's wrong? Yer leavin'... somethin' 'bout it got ya' worried?" He blinked again, letting out a confused little huff he hoped would emphasize his uncertainty. "Is that what pack folks do? Say things 'bout yer work? Not sure I understand."

the staff team luvs u

"No, it ain't bad to be like that" Tallulah attempted to explain, shaking her head "I'm just saying..." A pause "I worked, a lot, back at me ranch" She smiled thinly, as if embarrassed to admit it "but I had nothin' fer me there but Pa and some friends. I wasn't livin', in the sense, I enjoyed life" She frowned "I barely stopped, kept going... I did it out of... wantin' to be useful. To others. Never really respected m'self."

She bit back a sigh again. "Yer good man and ya work hard. I just don't want ya to feel..." She shook her head again "there's more to ya than work, Nick" She breathlessly huffed, closing her eyes "I just... Ya looked tired, and I was worried ya was workin' too hard, yanno? M' sorry. I didn't mean ta worry ya. I just saw ya, and thought of m'self. Thought how lucky I am, right now." She approached him again, bumping her nose against his.

"You" she began again, pulling away "make me respect m'self. That's all."

He gave her hope she wasn't just a body to be put to work. For Elysium, for anyone. That's what she was trying to say. Did he feel like that, what she felt before? She would do everything she could to make him not see himself like that, but he had to say it first. She would not pull it out of him, if he refused to talk about it. That came with time. It didn't stop her from worrying about the man though. She was an individual, she knew that now. He obviously was too. But what would make him see that?

Goodness, couldn't he see his own self-worth?

"Yer a dense n' silly man, aye?" She chuckled "you obviously come before work" Did... she? Nick cut off more thought, bringing it back to Vendrussel's trial. She furrowed her own brows, wondering if he knew about the summit or was left in the dark until now. Valeska had mentioned it somewhat at the border "how much ya know about why we leavin'?" She asked him slowly "we visitin' Duskguard to make it easier to, err, go to a trial. I'm escortin' Ms. Valeska and her son; she representin' Elysium."

She turned to point west, to where Elsewhere was. "That conflict I told ya about... Near the coast? One o' the leaders is being put on trial fer killin' another in a dispute" She let that sink in, lowering her eyes "she wasn't me friend, we didn't know each other well... But she was nice. Kind. The thought Vendrussel killed som'one in cold blood... It may get ugly, and I may come back seein' someone be put to death." Someone she had grown to like. Someone she owed, pointing her to Elysium.

the staff team luvs u

Nikolai listened attentively, dark brows furrowed up in a way that saw his worry bleeding into the physical—the wolfdog wasn't oblivious to the reality that their time together would eventually hit something less than the easy content he'd found when with her, facing it as he'd anything—carefully and with a twitch of ears ever attentive. It never crossed his mind that this wasn't what was always expected of him, born to be a body that worked tirelessly, loyally; he'd been the epitome of why he'd been created. "Tired an' work, they're intertwined and all," he reassured her with a chuckle that rasped to a breathy noise when she pulled away. Nikolai didn't allow the space between them to last long, moving to return the gesture as he licked gently over her cheek. "Yer' the first to ever make me wanna finish workin' early... take a day off..." And this he punctuated with a lick nearer her mouth, a teasing gesture almost as much as it was one of sincerity.

It warmed him to know he brought some relief to her from such burdens. Not a soul deserved to feel as though their worth belonged to the work they did... but Nikolai knew no other souls in this moment, only Tallulah, and she shouldn't have ever felt so heavy. "Dense, maybe... Never been the brightest but ya've made me feel more alive than I 'ave since, well, damn if I know," he told her. "It's just in my blood, darlin', I dunno how to explain it—but ya'... I know ya' make me wanna be more than what I've been told I was meant for." said Nikolai, bringing himself to look her in the eye, expression terribly soft and somehow more than fond. "Ya' an' me, more, whatever that might be." As if for confirmation, he pressed his forehead to her cheek, finally withdrawing to allow her the room to make the next move.

A fine time, he realized, as talk of the trial hit and his posture sagged a little. "I've heard enough to worry what y'all might 'ave ta see," he said, honest as he went on but careful not to let his emotions of it show. Nikolai knew Tallulah would do her job and do it well but it didn't wipe away how much he wished he was coming with her—for her, Valeska, and her son... each finding a place in his heart; a bit of his bred purpose allowing for the connection he didn't mind. He let her speak. Sighed a little. "m' sorry if ya' have to, wish I could say it wouldn't but... killin' like that, can't imagine the hurt wouldn't want pound for pound an' all." Nikolai moved nearer, again, allowing his muzzle to rest on the peak of her shoulders, voice low, "But I'll be 'ere for ya, waitin' for ya' to come back... whatever happens, ye'll have me. Ya' will."

the staff team luvs u

Affection was a foreign concept to Tallulah, who was more used to a pat on the back for a job well done. With Nick, he melted her. She felt too content to reject any physical affection, happy to lean into him. Happy to let him express himself, and his fondness, for her. She tried so hard to do it back, but felt so inexperienced compared to others. Valeska and Amaranth did it so naturally when she saw them around expressing their love. A quick little bump on the head, a pressing flank against another... She wanted to do that. She wanted that. But half of the time, she felt too swept up in being shown any sort of physical fondness that she failed to reciprocate it.

So she tried to express it in words.

She remembered Valeska's words. 

"Ye didn't hafta join for me" Tallulah said slowly "Elysium, I mean. But ye saw how important this place is to me... What I wanna build here. A new home. Friends n' found family" Her duo-colored eyes searched his singular-colored ones, something soft and adoring almost about them "other folks would've just... Not put in the effort. Yer trying to share this place wit' me. It... It means a lot to me, Nick" But "but if ye felt ya cannae anymore. I would go wit' ya. Valeska and Amaranth would understand. I... just want ya to know that." So it was her turn, approaching and swishing a salmon-pink tongue near his lips. She felt heat return to her cheeks.

Determination to return to Nick in one piece burned in her chest. Determination and hope in equal measure. He was a good man, showing sympathy to Northfall's situation. Vendrussel aside, she would have flung herself into the other pack's plight. But she had spoken to Vendrussel, and didn't think she had truly meant to kill someone in cold blood. Perhaps an accident — but Tallulah could be wrong. She could have been swept up in the kindness the dragon woman showed her. She could have been played. She nodded, reaching out to wrap a limb around Nick best she could. He was too tall compared to her, so she had to reach upward. "I'll come back" she said clearly against him "whatever happens."

the staff team luvs u